To ask you to help us with our finances?

[Giraffesarecool]

I'm normally pretty money savvy and have managed to keep us afloat during some very tight times. But I'm just baffled with how much we are spending, and how much our bills come to each month.

Our household bills come to £1700ish a month. Which seems ludicrous! We've just moved to a bigger house but it seemed manageable when I put it all down on paper. I think it is still. We pay for my car on finance, insurance, student loans (not from wages) for £30 pcm, have Amazon prime, Netflix and now TV, justified as we're stuck in the house once DS goes to bed each night. I pay insurance for my job, that isn't taking off at all.

As far as bills go I can't see any give, aside from jacking in nursery and work as that'd free up £220 ISH per month but DS is thriving and loves it there. He squeals withe excitement when we get there! Plus it gives me a break. Of I can get work fab, if not I can catch up with the house.

Our disposable income is the real crazy bit though, we have around £700 disposable which is a hell of a lot better than it has been.

We spend roughly £40/60 fuel for me (my car and being able to go places keeps me sane so not keen to cut down there if possible). Our food shop is around £70 (I used to be able to do it for £40 but it was very stressful and we ate some utter crap sometimes) including all household supplies and toiletries and beer and wine (we like a drink most evenings, although I'm cutting down for financial and health reasons). But DS is costing around £35 a week comfortably for formula, food pouches (he will not eat food I make and blend, but I am now getting him to eat tea with us where possible to save), nappies etc (he's nearly 1). We vape, as former smokers, and enjoy that as a little something for us, but that costs around £100 a month (I keep thinking about quitting but DP won't, but then I think we'll I don't really do anything for me, but I do want to quit by the time DS is old enough to realise it is what it is). We have DSS eow and we try to do cool stuff, but we are pretty pro at keeping it fun but cheap. So that comes to £580 which leaves us £120 for things like a cup of tea out and about, coffee for DP when he's on the road with work, extra bits. But the problem is, we don't have savings. So things like my car needing brakes done next week is worrying me.

I can get our food shop down, and I can get DSs shop down too I think. We have a tiny freezer so I can't really batch cook too much.

I think vaping is going to have to go really. For me anyway.

I could work weekends but we'd have zero family time and if never see DSS. Evenings aren't an option as DP is away a lot and on different days. Obviously days aren't an option as we couldn't afford the childcare. I have wondered about some casual bar work. But DP isn't keen as it feels like our family time is short and precious as it is.

I know we have far more than most, and we're very lucky. I just can't see what else we can do. Can anyone help me be a bit more clever about this money malarkey?

You're actually going about making savings back to front.
You need to set a budget based on the necessities first. That should also include a set amount to put away for savings. I use a planner called Fudget and have uploaded all my direct debits, standing orders, petrol costs, weekly food shopping costs and a small cash allowance for each of us. Whatever money is left is used to add to the savings pot or we may have a take away, meal out or buy new clothes.
After I set the budget I looked to where I could cut back. So only one TV package, dontbupgrade phones, swap to a monthly price via GiffGaff (I saved £25 a month doing this), alcohol comes out of our personal 'spends' not the shopping budget, and so on.
Only once you've done this can you really start to make savings.

A lot of it is mindset.
There’s a lot of “something for me” going on there - vaping, TV, alcohol.
My “something for me” is savings. I’d rather have the feeling of some financial security, not stressing about brakes, than (as much) alcohol and TV. Saving kind of is a treat for me. It’s much easier if you can convert to that mindset, and get more of a positivity feeling from money saved than money spent.

I agree with the PP though - what’s your boyfriend doing?

What’s the situation with your car? Is that lease or loan finance? You can get a perfectly good car for £500, and you’re spending that every 4.5 months!

Presumably the partner is the one earning the money in the first place. I’d class that as pulling his weight

I've not read all the replies but we vape, and DP mixes the juice himself for a fraction of the cost - around £10 a month

Would pulling him out of nursery not be awful though

No it wouldn’t be awful for your ds, he will adjust quickly as he’s so young.

Going and doing stuff together will give him as much pleasure and social interaction

Sounds like it wouldn't be too hard to figure out a way to cut back £100 per month and just save that. I.e. by cutting back on vaping costs, formula/pouches, alcohol and streaming services. Why not just try those four things and set up the SO for £100 per month into a savings account? I find I'm more likely to pull off something if I keep it simple. So leave everything else just as it is. Even if your work doesn't always make a profit, it would be a pity to break from working, which may be detrimental to future income. Especially if your ds loves his childcare so much.

DH and I save drinking for weekends (unless we're going out during the week) and it's kind of nice actually. I try to do things like take a bath, read a good novel if I've had a hard day during the week.
As someone else said, things will change soon enough and you're not doing too badly. It's not like you're saving for a deposit on a house or anything.

What are our vaping costs, is it liquid or coils? What nic level are you on?

Cross posted
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And sign up to the newsletter for here as they often have 75% off sales
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There's so much you can cut if you can get away from the "deserving" bit.

Cut th food bill, ditch most of the to subscriptions, stop drinking/vaping. Get rid of the your car unless you actually need it for work. Likewise nursery, either up the hours and gain employment or ditch it and go and find a toddler group instead.

Like others, I am not sure how vaping is costing £100 a month. Thats a huge amount. My daughter vapes and she reckons it costs her about £7 a week.

The car isn't an option. I need it to get to baby groups, do the food shopping, run errands, and keep my sanity. But the comments regarding this whole we deserve shit is ridiculous.

My partners works incredibly hard, helps around the house and does nothing for himself. So who am I to say he can't spend his money in these things when he does nothing or spends nothing on himself.

I'll look into the eliquid, thank you PP. Although I think quitting is the best option. It needs to happen before DS is too old anyway.

In many cases taxi, shopping on line walking and a bike is far cheaper than running a car

The finance is £117 per month
Insurance £30 per month
Fuel £40
So nearly £50 per week on a car

That’s before maintenance and servicing

Running a private car is a luxury at a premium price, don’t be fooled into thinking you need a car. You like having a car, fine but it’s going to cost to have it sat on your drive - which it will do for 22 hours per day every day

Take ds out of nursery and that's £220 straight away for savings

Cloth nappies- most councils run schemes,
stop food pouches theres no need, change formula to full fat milk.

Why would you not run a car when you can afford to? That’s a huge, needless sacrifice. Yes cars are expensive but they’re hardly extravagant. (And a £150 a month loan indicates it wasn’t expensive either, at a guess that’s a £7-car) you can’t just “get out” of loans or financing agreements either

A 1 yr old does not need nursery. Spin it how you like, but that is a luxury.

Thank you @passthecherrycoke. I'd go insane without my car, literally, my mental health would stand no chance.we can afford the car. That is a necessity, not a luxury.

And nursery, is for him. It's his social time, his fun time. He loves it there. It can stop, but I'd rather quit alcohol and vaping and my annual hair cut if that's what it takes to keep him in

Sounds like your DP is part of the problem with his vaping, alcohol and very expensive phone contract. That's quite a lot of extras he's getting right there.

But you probably look at more reliable paid work soon if the horse things aren't paying off.

Phone contract was done ages ago when we more than could afford it and he needed the package with data for work. Vaping and alcohol, he's agreed to cut down to just weekends and if he wants to vape with his own money, that's fine. We're not in debt, we can afford what we need. I just feel if we could free up a bit more money for things like savings, days out with the boys etc that would be good. He's on board. But he is entitled to his niceties, he works damn hard for the family.

He's panics about money so I deal with it, and I speak to him when I need to.

As for work, it's pointless at the moment. Either I make this freelancing work or it stops all together. We can't afford more hours at nursery, I cant get employment for 8 hours a week elsewhere, and it's pointless anyway as we'd make nothing more than what we are now. I charge 10-12 an hour. I'd be on nmw in any other job.

I’m a little unsure why op asked for help with her finances, op doesn’t want to stop ds going to nursery - which she admits she isn’t breaking even on working. Therefore as pp said it’s a hobby not a job. Op doesn’t want to reduce fuel consumption at £60 a month, doesn’t want to really give up vaping. If you’re not going to make any changes, that’s fine stay as you are but don’t ask others for help

Yabu

@ivykaty44, I've said I'll give up vaping, cut down on alcohol and do more to increase work before I take him out of nursery, because I want him to be able to go as he enjoys it. Is that really so bad? I'm not.pleading.poverty, I just thought some people might be able to see holes in our situation that I couldn't that would allow a bit.more free money. But thanks for your super helpful response.

Also no need to refer to me in the third person, I'm here to respond whenever :)

You don't say how much your mortgage or rent is. Without knowing that, it's not possible to say whether £1700 pm in bills is ludicrous or not.

Also, have you properly accounted for all annual and irregular costs? As in is that £700 pm truely disposable or does it have to cover things like car repairs, insurances, Christmas and birthday gifts, white goods replacements etc etc? This sort of stuff often adds up to more than people realise.

He doesn't need nursery, it's a luxury. If you ho to groups surely he socialises there.

You have no savings so if your OH loses his job you have no safety net, no even a second income.. I'm sure your son needs that more than playtime.

Definitely too many things you could cut back on but feel you shouldn’t have to because ... XYZ.

To save money per month you will have to.

At under 1 you could pull him out of nursery and he wouldn't even realise. He wont suffer socialising as long as you take him out and about.