To ask you to help us with our finances?

[Giraffesarecool]

I'm normally pretty money savvy and have managed to keep us afloat during some very tight times. But I'm just baffled with how much we are spending, and how much our bills come to each month.

Our household bills come to £1700ish a month. Which seems ludicrous! We've just moved to a bigger house but it seemed manageable when I put it all down on paper. I think it is still. We pay for my car on finance, insurance, student loans (not from wages) for £30 pcm, have Amazon prime, Netflix and now TV, justified as we're stuck in the house once DS goes to bed each night. I pay insurance for my job, that isn't taking off at all.

As far as bills go I can't see any give, aside from jacking in nursery and work as that'd free up £220 ISH per month but DS is thriving and loves it there. He squeals withe excitement when we get there! Plus it gives me a break. Of I can get work fab, if not I can catch up with the house.

Our disposable income is the real crazy bit though, we have around £700 disposable which is a hell of a lot better than it has been.

We spend roughly £40/60 fuel for me (my car and being able to go places keeps me sane so not keen to cut down there if possible). Our food shop is around £70 (I used to be able to do it for £40 but it was very stressful and we ate some utter crap sometimes) including all household supplies and toiletries and beer and wine (we like a drink most evenings, although I'm cutting down for financial and health reasons). But DS is costing around £35 a week comfortably for formula, food pouches (he will not eat food I make and blend, but I am now getting him to eat tea with us where possible to save), nappies etc (he's nearly 1). We vape, as former smokers, and enjoy that as a little something for us, but that costs around £100 a month (I keep thinking about quitting but DP won't, but then I think we'll I don't really do anything for me, but I do want to quit by the time DS is old enough to realise it is what it is). We have DSS eow and we try to do cool stuff, but we are pretty pro at keeping it fun but cheap. So that comes to £580 which leaves us £120 for things like a cup of tea out and about, coffee for DP when he's on the road with work, extra bits. But the problem is, we don't have savings. So things like my car needing brakes done next week is worrying me.

I can get our food shop down, and I can get DSs shop down too I think. We have a tiny freezer so I can't really batch cook too much.

I think vaping is going to have to go really. For me anyway.

I could work weekends but we'd have zero family time and if never see DSS. Evenings aren't an option as DP is away a lot and on different days. Obviously days aren't an option as we couldn't afford the childcare. I have wondered about some casual bar work. But DP isn't keen as it feels like our family time is short and precious as it is.

I know we have far more than most, and we're very lucky. I just can't see what else we can do. Can anyone help me be a bit more clever about this money malarkey?

Definitely can't afford our own horses! No i go to people's yards and school, break in, exercise and teach.

Da can swap to cow's milk at the age of 1 and if he's drinking 40oz a day of formula that will save a small fortune.

Aside from that you need do need to choose what you want...3 TV services and dodgy car brakes or good brakes and 1 TV service.
Overall, do you want a stressful financial situation with small luxuries or make adjustments and build a financial cushion.
You could for example decide to read more and watch TV less. It's still time for you when you're reading, and books from library are free, the trip to library is something to do with D's that costs nothing etc. It's all about small changes in mindset.

Other small ways of saving money without feeling a pinch are to change utilities, use washing powder instead of capsules, change toiletries etc.
Money saving expert has a forum full of ideas.
Matched Betting is often mentioned to make extra tax free money but don't touch it if you have a personality that might turn to gambling.
I also highly recommend a software programme like "you need a budget" to help you both to manage your finances. It sounds like you and dp are both on the same page in terms of making changes so it could work really well for you.
It changed my mi dart about budgeting and revolutionised my finance management.

Tbh Op, unless you need to save because you can’t afford everything you’ve listed, I wouldn’t bother. The children won’t be at nursery forever and things will change. All your expenses seem fairly reasonable tbh-yes you could cancel your streaming services but honestly, what difference is £15 a month going to make to your life?

We spend the same on bills and I just think it is what it is. You can’t always do everything on a shoestring and if you don’t need to why add the stress?

Thanks @NoClueWithStyle that's really helpful.

I've just given him a lunch of crudités, humous and cheese instead of a pouch. I just worry so much about him not getting what he needs.

Unfortunately DP and I aren't the same. He's not the greatest with money, and doesn't think I should quit vaping, or work evenings etc. He's just not very good with all that sort of stuff so it's all down to me really.

I'll have a look later at money saving expert.

Now just to quit this vaping habit!

@passthecherrycoke. This is kind of my thoughts. I would much prefer to be able to be more relaxed about money so want to make changes, but as you say, it's a hard age where I'm never really going to make much to make any difference financially. In a few years it'll be totally different. If I had s full time nmw job we'd be absolutely fine.

If you want to add to your portfolio of 'horsey' activities, could you do a photography course, and take photos of your students on horses and at events, photos of the horses themselves etc? Most photographers know nothing about horses and horse behaviour so can't really get great photos. It would be a way to make money, and not be as exhausting while you're this tired (through illness or because of your ill DS?)

That's not a bad shout. I lack confidence so would feel a bit silly putting myself out there. My DP could help me with all that as he was previously a photographer.

Tmwell, we're not sure. I've been tested lots and nothings coming back. I go through periods of feeling better then worse.

To give proper advice people need to see the overall picture in a "statement of affairs". (It might also help you, if you don't already have an overview.) This it's useful ...

www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.php

You need a massive shift in mindset and what you need as opposed to what you want. Try the money saving expert forums - loads and loads of ideas there. Check you’re not paying more for utilities than you need to, ditto insurances (it might be cheaper to cancel and pay a penalty rather than wait for the new year to come around). Think about a clear out with a car boot, sign up to survey sites and make sure you don’t buy anything on line without running it through Quidco/topcashback/nectar etc. Have a loyalty card for every shop you ever go in as you will get offers constantly. Make a point of only buying clothes in sales. Save £2 coins as you don’t get many but they add up quickly at the same time....lots of small things will make a difference.

OP have you considered looking after peoples horses when they are away like horse sitting services? Possibly exercising the horse too as an extra

Vaping= £100?!!!

I buy 3 bottles for £5. So buy 6 bottles= £10 and that last me 2 weeks. I vape a lot, as I’m at home.

Why does it cost you so much?

Lots of tv entertainment, do you really have to have them all? Libraries have free books and it’s somewhere to take your dd when he’s not at nursery

£220 a month is a lot to pay out for nursery if you’re not making that money, add in the insurance...

Mums and tots clubs and other trips will see him socialise and he will have fun

Vaping isn’t going to be good for you, stop and save £100 per month

Those things alone will save nearly £400 per month

Look around for clubs and sessions you can walk to, much healthier for baby and cheaper for you

You can quit the vaping, I believe in you! A friend of mine has lowered her nicotine level every month and quit fully in six months, and she used to smoke 15 cigarettes a day. I also think you will see a big difference from only drinking at weekends and cutting back the tv packages.

Is there an option to grow your business though advertising etc? Or would a local riding school or livery yard give you more reliable part time work? If those aren’t options then I agree a couple of bar shifts a week could really help you build a savings cushion, but if you have a long term condition be careful not to burn yourself out.

I have no clue how you're getting your liquid so cheap. A 100ml bottle at £20 lasts about 10 days. I need stuff that's 80/20 otherwise it burns my throat. I also suspect you have a small pencil type vape to be going through so little eliquid. But I am going to try my best to quit, once this bottle I'm on is empty.

Would pulling him out of nursery not be awful though. I would feel so bad having settled him and he's having so much fun. We go to one baby group and starring another 2nd May. I just feel like that'd be awful. But then an extra £200 a month would be a huge help. And an extra £60/70 from me quitting vaping.

We're on the cheapest supplier I can find for everything. Maybe looking at DP contract to see if we can leave I'd an option. As well as getting rid of now TV and Amazon prime. And alcohol only on weekends.

How on earth are you spending £100 a month on vaping?? I get eliquid for £1 for 10ml (so about £15 a month) and a pack of coils every other month or so £5 a month.

Try onepoundeliquid for hvg juice

Unfortunately I can't really grow my business due to childcare. I already fill the time DS is in nursery most weeks.

I only vape 3mg so I'm at the lowest level of nicotine. I think it's more tha habit. Plus DP will still be doing it. But I will try my best!

Take your son out of nursery if your not working enough to make a profit.

Can you try to cut down your vaping? I vape too but tbh I mainly pick it up out of habit and boredom rather than “needing it”. Maybe allow yourself x puffs once an hour rather than just whenever you fancy.

PS 3 mg is a tiny amount, it will be more of a habit rather than a physical addiction to the nicotine.

PPS (Sorry) or there are plenty of 70/30 3mg 100ml bottles on eBay for £8-10. That’s a huge saving compared to what you are paying just now.

I think you need to lose the alcohol, tv & the streaming stuff and look at better paid work.

I'd leave him in nursery. You can afford it, you're not getting into debt for it. The socialisation is good for him, and the break is good for you. At some point you will be able to either increase your work schedule, or move into another type of work. Keeping up with working now will help you do that.

Tbh the nursery is a luxury. You could cut that and take him to stuff yourself easily.

Likewise pouches. Eve. Without teeth at nearly 1 he should be learning to eat real food, not sucking on stuff. Just give him what you eat and let him play with it. After one you can cut formula too, and switch him to full fat cows' milk.

Why’ve is everything on you, childcare, cutting back on drinking, vaping etc when your DP isnt