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AIBU?

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Original poster

Being prayed for

605 replies

BuckingFrolics · 22/04/2019 09:17

I'm an atheist and my DM knows this - indeed she and my DF raised me as one. She "found god" when my DF left in my early teens

She says she prays for me.

AIBU to tell her to stop, as I find it offensive?

OP posts:
Shinyletsbebadguys · 23/04/2019 14:54

I'm in the fence with praying for people in general. I'm agnostic and I hope fairly supportive of whatever people feel in religious terms provided it's not hate speech.

My gran believed in God and prayed for us and I felt it was a caring no strings act.

Then some years after her death I was working at a company with a Christian ethos (unrelated to religion I was there as a technical specialist so to speak) and what I saw there during prayers has very much made me view things with suspicion.

I once had to ban prayer meetings before group work (staff only and it was in the work day....obviously I couldn't and didn't ban praying but I had to end the in work time meet ups for this reason...and no it wasn't a religion that it was time specific need for prayer like islam) due to one of the vilest creatures I have ever met using her out loud prayer to belittle and bully other staff.

She was very well known in the local churches and considered a paragon of virtue (rather ironically even accepting she nicked her best friends husband who she was a carer for and behaved abomonably). However 5 minutes in her presence you quickly realised she was manipulative , borderline sociopathic and generally vile.

I did for a while consider it was just her until i sat in a board meeting for the same place and discovered a high level dorector doing the same thing during the premeeting prayer ....i was horrified.

Thankfully in the same place I met some truly truly amazing people who showed me true Christianity ( not for me personally but what it meant to others )

So if one of those people told me they were praying for me I would be highly highly offended (they didn't like me very much so wpuld probably pray I fell off a cliff to be fair ) but others I would take it as a nice thing

It's all about the intention from my view...it may well not be a "nice" thing but a passive aggressive dig. Only you can really say OP

lifetothefull · 23/04/2019 17:06

I really like the insight to different people's opinions and experiences on this thread. In RL this is a topic you tend to avoid on the whole with people who have different outlooks.

WhatisFreddoingnow · 23/04/2019 17:19

@BertrandRussell
That's exactly my point. You are not going to find too much on a thread where atheists and religious people are in general agreement that someone praying for you isn't a hill to die on. I would love to see demographics on the faith (or lack of) on mumsnet but I don't think you can back it up with stats.

I would probably make the point that I have very rarely seen religious people being outright rude to atheists on the basis of the lack of their beliefs in threads, whereas I have seen many examples of anti-christian rhetoric and rudeness.

Also Matthew 6.5 is about making. A big show of prayer to get glory on Earth e.g. as the Pharisees did.

Telling someone that you are praying for them out of love (with no strings attached) is hardly doing it for the kudos.

The Bible is full of guidance about praying for each other.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2019 17:26

“I would probably make the point that I have very rarely seen religious people being outright rude to atheists on the basis of the lack of their beliefs in threads”

I suppose it depends what you mean by rude. I have been told that I have a god shaped hole, that I have no moral compass, that I must exist in a mundane colourless purpouseless world. I have been told that I am jealous and resentful because I object to faith schools. I am constantly being told that I need to get a grip for objecting to compulsory worship because “a little bit of Christianity never did anyone any harm”. It goes on.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2019 17:28

And on the subject of Matthew 6:5. I am pretty sure that going up to people and telling them that you were praying for them would count as making a fuss about it. I

lillighters85 · 23/04/2019 18:03

Taking offence is a choice. Choose not to be offended and your problem will be solved! Seriously, there is not a hint of malice in praying for someone, you really need to chill.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2019 18:56

I don’t find it offensive. I would just much rather people did not pray for me.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 23/04/2019 18:59

A God shaped hole! Just let her get on with it; if you don’t believe, you won’t get the benefit anyway...

SnappedandFartedagain · 23/04/2019 19:05

Tell her that every time she says she’s praying for you it will give you no choice but to either burn a bible or break one of the Ten Commandments.

OneDayillSleep · 23/04/2019 19:11

I have a relative who does this, any sort of exam, job interview etc she'll say "I'll pray for you". I just say thanks, I don't believe but I just don't make a big deal of it, she can pray all she likes, it's not going to do anything!

Alsohuman · 23/04/2019 19:13

The last two posts have kind of proved the point about MN and religion @Bertrand.

NunoGoncalves · 23/04/2019 19:15

I'm praying for you, OP

Walkingdeadfangirl · 23/04/2019 19:16

I find it very offensive because its forcing one persons religious beliefs upon another. But of course those of the Christian privilege persuasion will expect everyone to shut up and accept their good word.

It would be like giving meat to a vegetarian and saying, "I know you dont eat it but I hope you change your mind".

Would a christian be ok with a satanist telling them, "I am praying you go to hell"?

But if it was a family member telling me they were praying for me I would reply with, "& I hope the Flying Spaghetti Monster wraps you in his noodly appendages".

LilQueenie · 23/04/2019 19:20

Im not an athiest but when a certain relative said they would pray for me because they disagreed with my beliefs it did bother me. I think it depends on why they want to pray for you.

BertrandRussell · 23/04/2019 19:23

“The last two posts have kind of proved the point about MN and religion @Bertrand.”

Those two- only one of which is offensive- on one side of the scale- the other 100 or so telling the OP she’s being ridiculously the other. Ant that proves MN is anti religion. Right.

RidgedPerfection · 23/04/2019 19:30

I am an atheist, but see people saying that they will "pray for me" as similar to those who say "I'll be thinking of you", "I'll be sending positive thoughts" and the like. It doesn't affect my life in any way and, if it makes them feel in some way useful in situations where they may feel otherwise powerless to help then I don't see any harm in it.

The only context where I would be offended is if someone said that they would pray for me because they disagreed with my lifestyle choices or something similar.

TapasForTwo · 23/04/2019 19:36

"I find it very offensive because its forcing one persons religious beliefs upon another"

But it doesn't Confused. Not at all. How do you react when someone really offends you? Are you always this uptight?

Walkingdeadfangirl · 23/04/2019 20:23

But it doesn't. Not at all

When someone who believes in a god 'prays', they are asking a third party (god) to intervene in someones life without getting that persons permission to have their life interfered with.

What right have they got to force that upon someone? Whether or not its true is almost irrelevant, they think its true which is what is offensive.

Alsohuman · 23/04/2019 20:27

What's being forced on them if you don't think God exists?

Hushnownobodycares · 23/04/2019 20:28

Those saying there's no harm in it - would they care for their situation, maybe even their first name too to be shared with a bunch of strangers in a prayer meeting?

This was standard practice in the meetings I really couldn't get out of attended. I think there's a difference between someone praying for you in their personal prayers (even though I still wouldn't want them to) and someone choosing to broadcast it. IME there were at least some in the church who couldn't see the dividing line.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 23/04/2019 20:41

There’s still no harm in it, Hush. There really isn’t. It happens in churches all the time.

FiremanKing · 23/04/2019 20:50

It would depend on which God she is praying to.

If it’s Christianity then I wouldn’t be bothered but if it’s a death cult or one requiring animal or human sacrifice then I wouldn’t be too pleased.

Hushnownobodycares · 23/04/2019 20:55

I know, TheGrey1hound. That's my point. There's enough info put out there to potentially identify people with no connection whatsoever to the church and all without their permission. There was also sensitive information disclosed about church members themselves and people would be tripping over themselves after the session to find more details. I didn't think it was right then and I certainly don't think it's right now.

If someone says they are praying for you, you really can't know where and to whom they may be taking it.

SallyWD · 23/04/2019 20:58

When I had cancer my mum prayed for me. I found it very touching. Its only because she loves you.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 23/04/2019 20:58

You have a mum problem not a god problem

Lots of perfectionist find religion a helpful framework and help the anxious is your mum a perfectionist and anxious?

Buying you heels when you only wear flats shows that's she wants to change you on a conscious or un conscious level? Do you feel you lack unconditional love from your mum? It's seems like you feel judged and some how lacking maybe ?
Two ways to deal with this,

  1. smile, nod, ignore, shrug it off or
  2. have a big sit down heart to heart and get it all out on the table
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