Being prayed for

[BuckingFrolics]

I'm an atheist and my DM knows this - indeed she and my DF raised me as one. She "found god" when my DF left in my early teens

She says she prays for me.

AIBU to tell her to stop, as I find it offensive?

OP - if it's any consolation, I wouldn't be praying for someone with your attitude!

If you are a Christian, how would you feel if a Jew or Muslim etc was to say they are paying for you?

How is it virtue signalling? She believes in God and she loves you, I very much doubt that she believes God will intervene in your life but it brings her some comfort to pray for the people she loves.

It sounds like you're viewing this as something much bigger than it actually is. Someone who believes in God will likely pray for everyone they care about at one time or another. If you're an atheist it has no bearing on your life whatsoever and I think pulling her up on it would be a bit mean.

Does she deeply disapprove of you? Apart from your religious views.

I've heard people say that they pray for someone. It is often because they are ill or in difficulties. But sometimes it is because they think the person is a great sinner! 😂😂

So it kind of discredits reality.

Well it doesn’t discredit your reality, so what’s the issue?

Even if she didn’t pray for you, as a religious person she probably believes that God plays a role in the good things in your life anyway. Her world view is different to yours. The praying won’t make any difference to that.

As a Christian if a Jew or Muslim prayed for me I'd say thank you.
Am I missing a point?

I'm also an atheist. A few years ago I had ovarian cancer - really ill, not expected to survive etc. After much treatment I did survive . A work friend told me later that she'd asked an entire congregation of nuns to pray for me every day , and she felt that this might have helped my recovery. Yes I was a bit shocked to think that she'd done that, AND that she attributed my recovery to it ! BUT on reflection I was pleased to think that she'd wanted to help , in her own way. In your situation I'd say the same thing - MIL is thinking of you , that's all. Be happy about it , let negative thoughts go.

No, not missing a point. Genuine curiosity. I'm not religious, so I'm a bit uncomfortable with people praying for me at all (happy with things like 'sending positive energy' as that seems less like someone else deciding what's good for me). So I was curious if that would feel similar or not.

It is up to your mum as to whether she wants to pray for you or anyone. Just advise her that religion is not something you wish to talk about.

I totally get where you're coming from OP. My parents do this. The reason it annoys me is because if anything goes well in my life they take credit for it saying it was because of their prayers when actually it was down to my own hard work. It means they totally fail to acknowledge any effort I might put into something as it's all pre-determined by their prayers and God.

Why does it offend you if you don’t believe in god

I really don’t get that as you know it’s not going to make any difference

My dad always prays for me it brings him peace of mind

I very much doubt that she believes God will intervene in your life but it brings her some comfort to pray for the people she loves.

Why do you doubt this? If she believes in god and bothers to pray, she probably believes it does something!

I’d tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable and you’d prefer it if she didn’t. She probably won’t stop praying but she’ll stop telling you.

Your church probably prays for all the people in your parish every week or even twice a day. Churches may pray for all the people in the diocese, borough, county, country etc. So generally everyone is getting prayed for.

If you believe praying to God has the same result as praying to your cat or asking your dog for directions, so be it. I find it difficult to understand why you would find it "offensive" to be prayed for.

When I was very ill last year, I know people prayed for me. I also know that the skill of nurses, consultants and surgeons saved my life. Would prayer have saved me if I hadn't gone to hospital. No it wouldn't. Was it comforting to know people were thinking and praying for me, yes it was. Did I pray for the people looking after me, yes I did.

If, however, the OP's DM is using her praying as some kind of hold, manipulation etc then this is, of course, a different matter.

I can't speak for the op, but the belief that some intangible being needs to come to my rescue and that I don't have the ability to figure things out without that intervention is, at the very least, patronising if not offensive.

Sorry GottenGottenGotten I missed your post.

"People" generally pray something like - please look after Mrs Jones as she is having a hard time since she lost her job. Please help Mr Green who has been suffering with stress at work and please look after those I love and the wider world - or words along those lines.

I don't think people pray for you to get a job at M and S when you want to work for Fortnum's

AIBU to tell her to stop, as I find it offensive?

Why is it offensive?

No different to thinking of you/wishing you well/condolences/other meaningless platitudes.

Did you lose your grip bucket this morning ?

It's just nice words. No big deal. If she thinks that good things happening in your life is down to god and not you, then that doesn't matter either really.

Praying for you is really to bring her comfort. Is she praying you'll find God or about other things?

I'm atheist. My father in law is unwell and a few Catholic friends said he would be in their prayers. I thought this was nice. Their way of showing they care x

I'd look at it as an act of kindness and thoughtfulness.

Lottle is right, its their way of showing they care and you're in their thoughts.

You may not agree with their religious views, just as they may not agree with yours. Would you be less offended if they said they couldn't care less about you.

(I don't see a lot of difference between believing there is a god and believing there isn't, neither aspect is provable but in the end we will all find out which is true)

I think it depends what they're praying about. If someone tells me that they're praying that I find Jesus (Yes, that's happened) then I'm annoyed.
If someone tells me they're praying for a recovery from illness, fine. Even though I know it doesn't work.

A family that I helped considerably in my job, once told me they prayed to Allah every day to thank him for putting me in their lives. I was enormously touched.

So yeah, it depends a lot on the people and on the sentiment involved.

Wow! That's really helpful feedback - IAPBU then. I have always felt she doesn't "see" "me" but some imaginary DD, like she buys me heels and I wear flats, and I suppose I've seen her praying as part of that really.

On holiday she'll eat half a lettuce leaf and say how she's full for the rest of the day, while I chow down on a plate of chips and she's a bit of a holier than thou person anyway

My nan used to say this to me all the time! I used to think was there really a need all the time! It used to make me laugh im also a atheist, i did ask her once to pray for me when i got a cold sore as i was going on a date in few days time and wanted it gone, she told me she did but didnt work 😁

how would you feel if a Jew or Muslim etc was to say they are paying for you?

The same as I would if it was anyone of any religion, or if someone said they would be thinking of me, or keeping fingers crossed for me etc. No difference.

And I'd be extra pleased if they were paying for me... Mine's a double, thanks