Being prayed for

[BuckingFrolics]

I'm an atheist and my DM knows this - indeed she and my DF raised me as one. She "found god" when my DF left in my early teens

She says she prays for me.

AIBU to tell her to stop, as I find it offensive?

I would say "that's fine if it helps you, mum, but you don't need to tell me." Then let her get on with it.

People cannot be 'converted' against their will, though
Completely disagree, people can and are indoctrinated, brainwashed, or 'radicalised' by religions all the time.

according to Christian belief. It's something people have to choose
You can't choose your beliefs, either you believe something or you don't. I might want/choose to believe I can fly but I wont jump off a roof because I will not actually believe it.

You can't choose your beliefs, either you believe something or you don't.

I think I can. I consciously choose to dismiss and reject certain thoughts or ideas.

people can and are indoctrinated, brainwashed, or 'radicalised' by religions all the time.

Interesting point to think about. I wonder if there is a degree of (uninformed) choice at some point. Although I appreciate this does happen and some people are more vulnerable than others. I'll have to consider that one further. I do believe we have free will.

radicalised' by religions

Not just religions that do this though.

You can't choose your beliefs, either you believe something or you don't

Of course it's a choice. Comparing it to the ability to fly is nonsense, because that's tangible fact.

People choose to be Christians or Muslims. Judaism is slightly different because you can be born a Jew based on the fact that your mother was Jewish, but you can still choose not to believe in it.

Of course you can choose. Faith of various sorts is a choice.

People can certainly be forced to "convert", there are religions where up to 90% of the entire global community have been forced to convert or die by Islamists in very recent years, as part of the ongoing holocaust of Christians, Gnostics and so on that our news organisations don't like to talk about. This is not a choice of faith as many of us would understand it, though, and it is the opposite of religious freedom per Western Christian founded values.

I'm an atheist but am always quite touched when someone of any faith prays for me (as long as it's for me, not my sinful eternally damned soul).

It just means they care and want the best for you, and that you are in their thoughts.

I might want/choose to believe I can fly but I wont jump off a roof because I will not actually believe it.

I think because it does not involve challenging just one single idea you have concerning your own ability and the way the world works. Changing your whole world view would take a lot of time to challenge and dismantle. Each 'building block' of the way you understand the world would have to be challenged and replaced with new information.

People can certainly be forced to "convert", there are religions where up to 90% of the entire global community have been forced to convert or die by Islamists in very recent years, as part of the ongoing holocaust of Christians, Gnostics and so on that our news organisations don't like to talk about.

I wonder what those people believe privately, though. Religious practice and belief has certainly survived various attempts to stamp it out it in the past. It was just driven 'underground'.

I think I can. I consciously choose to dismiss and reject certain thoughts or ideas
Is that the Christian mantra, "fake it until you make it"? Otherwise called self radicalising?

You can choose to join a religion or church just like you do a club. You can then pretend you believe in a omnipotent being, only read books that support this view, surround yourself with people who do believe in a god. And after enough time you could possibly brainwash yourself into believing it. That is not the same as choosing to believe.

some people are more vulnerable than others

Like children.

Is that the Christian mantra, "fake it until you make it"? Otherwise called self radicalising?

Not really. I would have thought most people Christian or not choose to dismiss or reject ideas or thoughts. It's part of the way thought processes work. Have you never had or heard an idea and thought a 'No! That's wrong'?

You can then pretend you believe in a omnipotent being, only read books that support this view, surround yourself with people who do believe in a god. And after enough time you could possibly brainwash yourself into believing it. That is not the same as choosing to believe.

But what would be the point of that? I want to be active in my belief. Anything else is just ignorance. I read widely. Books from all sorts of viewpoints. I have friends with beliefs vastly different to mine and ones with no religious belief.

That is not the same as choosing to believe.

I agree. And it is not what I do.

And there would be no point in faking my belief. There are no pressures or expectations of me in terms of my beliefs from the people around me.

And if you don't choose what to believe are you then just a product of your upbringing and the people around you?

But anyway. The subject of how belief occurs etc is a bit off subject regarding whether it is right to tell someone you are praying for them.

I would have thought most people Christian or not choose to dismiss or reject ideas or thoughts
I dont really understand what you mean. How can you dismiss a thought, once you have had it you have had it?

if you don't choose what to believe are you then just a product of your upbringing and the people around you?
Why would you think that, that an awful way to find out what is true. You can't choose your beliefs but you can choose to educate and inform yourself until you understand the evidence enough to conclude that the facts lead you to a likely truth and a belief is created in you. Or the facts could be so overwhelming that you beyond just a belief and become convinced something is true.

birdflyinghigh I am very intrigued as to what mechanism you use to 'choose' a belief. Do you wake up one morning and just decide you are going to believe in something? Can you just line up fairy creatures and decide today you will believe in unicorns?

How do you differentiate between what is real and what is fiction (or do you not care?), or can you only choose to believe in real things? But then how do you determine what is real, choice?

And there would be no point in faking my belief. There are no pressures or expectations of me in terms of my beliefs from the people around me

There's quite a lot of point to faking belief. A ready made social group with a warts and all approach to personal foible can be a major draw.

I'd suggest not feeling pressure or expectation from those around is quite unusual. IME the church was constantly calling on its members' time and money.

How can you dismiss a thought, once you have had it you have had it?

You can decide an idea is incorrect.

You can't choose your beliefs but you can choose to educate and inform yourself until you understand the evidence enough to conclude that the facts lead you to a likely truth and a belief is created in you

At some point you have to decide to trust what someone else has said about something. That trust involves a belief. Unless you personally research everything/ experience everything yourself.

Why would you think that, that an awful way to find out what is true.

Because if you cannot make the decision of what to believe (see above at some point we all choose to believe in something) something outside of you is making that decision.

But then how do you determine what is real, choice?

Through my perceptions which involve me processing the information my own senses detect.

People very rarely choose their beliefs. They believe what their parents or their community believe.

I'd suggest not feeling pressure or expectation from those around is quite unusual.

Well it's true for me.

They believe what their parents or their community believe.

Not true for me.

People very rarely choose their beliefs. They believe what their parents or their community believe

That, in itself, is a choice. There are plenty of people, me included, that have chosen not to believe what my parents do.

Deeply and profoundly atheist here...but I'm always incredibly touched whenever someone says they will, or have, offered up their prayers on my behalf in difficult times. Faith is a very personal thing and (in my experience anyway) when someone is troubled enough by your troubles to pray for you, it is meant sincerely.

Be gracious OP

"You can't choose your beliefs" is not something anyone with a functioning mind claims in good faith. It's akin to "you can't think words" or "you can't count to three".

Faith itself is the combination of choice with something you have not proven to be true or false.

As a further point, people make funny assumptions about how other people have developed a relationship with God, and those assumptions often seem to assume a radical and overbearing upbringing or community pressure are the only ways this happens. Personally I arrived at my faith through being in a dire situation and getting real love, comfort and protection from, and ultimately rescue by our Lord God when nobody else was there, and by His Grace I have ever come to anything and experienced the joy of having a family, rather than staying (and probably dying) in the horror that was. I don't take people's scorn too seriously, and I would take "social pressure" even less seriously. Not all faith in God is forged in the same way.

You can decide an idea is incorrect Which is different from dismissing a thought.

At some point you have to decide to trust what someone else has said about something. That trust involves a belief. Unless you personally research everything/ experience everything yourself
Um no you do not. You can determine how much confidence you have in a person or idea based upon multiple criteria, at no point do you ever reach 100% confidence.

A random person saying they had seen a god would give me little confidence in its existence. Just trusting what people say leads to belief in all sorts of crazy stuff.

if you cannot make the decision of what to believe something outside of you is making that decision Again no, something outside of me can help provide evidence, I determine how much confidence I have in that evidence and base my conclusion if any from there.

Through my perceptions which involve me processing the information my own senses detect
The brain is very easily fooled. If I personally saw someone purporting to be a deity and flying, one of my first thoughts would be that my senses were incorrect.