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Original poster

Not to tell partner about very early infidelity

98 replies

Immyreeves91 · 22/04/2019 07:13

I met my partner aged 20 when I was still very young and stupid - I’d never had a relationship before. He asked me to be his girlfriend but then a couple of weeks later I had sex with another man whilst home for the Easter holidays - I didn’t really want to and he meant nothing whatsoever to me, and at the time I felt so so disgusted with myself that all I wanted to do was brush it under the carpet and have a fresh start so never told anyone about what had happened. Fast forward 6 years, our relationship is the most precious thing in my life, he really is the loveliest man to me and wants children. I am 100% certain I’d never do anything with another man again now, but I have this sense that I should tell him about what I did when I was younger. What would you do?

OP posts:
Kerberos · 22/04/2019 07:14

Why tell?

hidinginthenightgarden · 22/04/2019 07:14

No. Don't tell him. What will it acheive?

Widowodiw · 22/04/2019 07:15

Don’t tell him after 6 years. It was at the start of the relationship and you were young.

areyoubeingserviced · 22/04/2019 07:15

Don’t telll.

Karwomannghia · 22/04/2019 07:16

No no no. Why do that to him? It’ll just hurt him and it will potentially destroy everything you have.

Wildrose19 · 22/04/2019 07:16

No he will never forget it.

Nowthereistwo · 22/04/2019 07:16

No, no and no.

No good will come of this apart from easing your 'guilt' by putting it in him.

Just acknowledge to yourself that you won't do it again and focus on the now.

Provincialbelle · 22/04/2019 07:16

You’ll achieve nothing save possibly ruining your life, so it’s not really a good idea

SamStephens · 22/04/2019 07:17

Nope, telling him will achieve nothing. After so long it’s rather irrelevant surely.

RosamundDarnley · 22/04/2019 07:17

Don't tell. Anyone. Ever. Not even your best friend. No good would come of it.

BeenHereForAges · 22/04/2019 07:19

Nope. Enjoy your life together and move forward.

CountFosco · 22/04/2019 07:20

I didn’t really want to

What does this mean? Did he force you have sex with him? Don't feel guilty about this my lovely, concentrate on your happy current relationship.

floribunda18 · 22/04/2019 07:23

Don't tell him. I slept with my ex after starting going out with DH, but I'd been dating a few men and I didn't know DH was Mr Right then. Also when we had lived together for a few months I kissed someone at work in a moment of drunken madness. I was 23 then, am 43 now and we will have been married for 15 years this year, and I can honestly say I've never done anything like that since then and have never been tempted to stray either.

yearinyearout · 22/04/2019 07:23

Do not tell him. It will achieve nothing positive and you need to put it behind you. Maybe telling us will help!

CalmdownJanet · 22/04/2019 07:23

Why would you? To ease your own guilt? That actually just makes you more selfish to be honest. The time for honesty has been and gone, to tell him now after 6 years you will make him question your whole relationship, hurt him, upset him and then what? Beg him for another chance? So after you have off loaded your guilt, made him feel shit, you'll want him to stay with I assume? No, you are being completely selfish here, your guilt is your burden, leave him be.

To be fair after 6 years you should put it behind you too though, you made a mistake, put it behind you and move on.

Original poster
Immyreeves91 · 22/04/2019 07:43

@floribunda18 I’m sure it must be quite common for people who met their husbands/wives so young - I know so many people who do it/have it done to them and they’re all mid or late 20s. I just don’t like being deceptive.

OP posts:
Myheartbelongsto · 22/04/2019 07:47

Yes tell him because everything is built on bullshit.

PillowTalker · 22/04/2019 07:50

You'll unnecessarily hurt him to make yourself feel better

100% don't do this

JustDanceAddict · 22/04/2019 07:51

Don’t tell.

Accountant222 · 22/04/2019 08:05

Definitely don't and stop beating yourself up, forget about it.

UniversalAunt · 22/04/2019 08:06

First, do not tell your OH. You say the whole episode was a mistake, you learned from it & moved on to a better place. Done, dusted & finished. No good will come from raking this up.

So the question is why has this come up ?
Why go back to something you regret & have moved on from ?
What has happened recently to refresh this ?
Why would you think dropping a bombshell on your OH be loving & helpful to him?
Is being ‘honest’ with him about something else?

He wants children, do you?
Is it easier for you to drop this bombshell on him than for you to tell him how you really feel about having children?

greenlloon · 22/04/2019 08:10

20 is not very young. i think you should tell him but then unlike many pp i believe honesty is important.

BlueSkiesLies · 22/04/2019 08:10

Oh god 100% do not tell him!

That will achieve nothing except making him feel bad and maybe ending the relationship.

You were young. It was v early stages of being together. Forget about it. Make peace with yourself and pretend in your head it never happened.

Catren · 22/04/2019 08:16

Don't tell! And you need to move past this, maybe with some therapy if it's really getting to you. Hand on heart if my dh did this in the first 6 months of our relationship i definitely would NOT want to know now. Actually now i think about it he did start to tell me something had happened when i was living abroad for work right at the start and i think I've blocked it as i can't remember what it even was. You wouldn't do it again, just enjoy each other now. Stop beating yourself up about it OP, stupid things happen when we're young

whitehalleve · 22/04/2019 08:23

Don't tell. What good would it do anyone.

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