MIL’s photos of DHs ex

[FFS12345]

There’s a bit of background, I’ll try to keep it brief. Just been to visit MIL. She lives local to us but DH mostly goes on his own as I work long full time hours and a visit tends to take up a lot of time! It’s difficult to get away once there and I have very little in common with her. Anyway it being Easter Sunday I thought I’d make the effort!

We’ve been married two years this summer and it’s DHs second marriage. She has a lot of photos dotted around her home, as most grandparents do it’s the grand kids, special events, that sort of thing. They’re nice to look at and give a bit of an icebreaker.

There’s a small wedding photo of us with MIL, BIL and SIL that’s a nice family photo which we gave her in a nice frame for mother’s day.

There’s also a group photo from his first marriage 25 years ago. It looks like it’s the group photo of everyone. There’s also a large canvas type picture, A2 sized of DH and ex wife with DSC.

AIBU? Is it not a touch insensitive? There’s loads of pics of the grandchildren (my DSC) at various ages so it’s not like it’s the only one she has.

Can I just point out that I’m not trying to dictate how MIL decorates her home, just asking if it’s a little insensitive after so many years. DH has a fraught relationship with his ex and really doesn’t like these photos being up either.

If it was a big wedding, there may well be family on the group picture that she doesn’t see/ have died?

Been in a similar situation. Just live with it. Not worth trying to change it. It's probably for the grandchild to show support.

It’s her home, her memories. Not sure what else there is to say?

My sister asked me to take one down of her and her ex but I havent yet.

That could be the case but does it need to be on display on the fireplace? Also there’s the big one of ex and DSC, they’re all very alive (Thankfully )

Nothing to do with you. Yabu, parents can and do become attached to people after divorce.

DH has a fraught relationship with his ex and really doesn’t like these photos being up either.

Perhaps he'd like to say so then?

It's her grandchildrens mum, why does she have to take it down to suit a new wife? Her house, her choice.

The chidren may be upset if it goes if it's been there for a while.

Sorry it’s nothing to do with you - maybe that picture of special to her - it’s her house, let her have the memories she wants.

Oh the step mum / second wife bashing brigade are out tonight! Oh well!

The children are adults they’re hardly going to be upset if their grandmother takes down a wedding photo of their parents failed marriage.

So you think you have the right to tell another adult how they should decorate their home by virtue of having married someone related to them? Really?

Her relationship with his ex is separate from your dh’s relationship with her though.

And this is stuff which happened in their lives. Removing pictures of it doesn’t remove the fact that it happened, iyswim.

@Skyejuly
Any reason why?

Did I not say in my original post that I’m not trying to dictate decor??

If he married her 25 years ago, your MiL had a long time to form her own relationship with the Ex. It's very hard when it all falls apart and you aren't supposed to be friends with that person any more. Especially if you and MiL don't have a close relationship anyway. I suppose you could ask her to put the photo away when you visit, but really you have to be a grown up about it, as it probably wouldn't go down well.

The children are adults they’re hardly going to be upset if their grandmother takes down a wedding photo of their parents failed marriage

You don’t know that. Nor do you know what it means to your MIL.

Oh the step mum / second wife bashing brigade are out tonight! Oh well! oh do grow up. It’s not stepmum bashing to suggest that someone else is perfectly entitled to have pictures of whom so ever they please in their own house.

I have an excellent relationship with my ILs, have even had them round for Sunday lunch. That has absolutely no bearing on the fact that ex is now with someone else.

I don’t think it’s insensitive.

Did she have a cordial relationship with her former DIL? Then she probably likes the photos of the wedding and the photos of her grandkids with their mum.

I reckon if DP and I split up MIL would likely keep the photos of me with DC up as they are. Because we have a separate relationship and also she loves her grandchildren and by extension me for being the mother of her grandchildren.

They’re her happy memories.

I doubt she’s even thought they’d upset you as she has your picture up also.

Maybe MIL got on well with exDIL? She is the mother of her grandchildren, after all. They may keep on touch? I can see why you might want exDIL airbrushed out of your Dh's family, but your MIL evidently feels differently, and that is up to her. The fact is your dh was married before, and had children with someone else. That will always be so. How do you think your dsc would feel if their grandmother removed the photo with their mother in?

Ex wife and MIL are not close. She took DH to the cleaners and MIL was not at all impressed. As far as DH is aware they have not seen each other for at least five years.

FFS12345
Oh the step mum / second wife bashing brigade are out tonight! Oh well!

If you think that this is a bashing you can't have been here long.

But YABU.

Drip, drip, drip.....

MIL had 25 years to get to know and love his first wife. Regardless of how acrimonious the divorce was, or how much it had to happen, she may well be sad about it and miss this woman. It also shows the dc that she, for one, does not hate their mum. I really think YABU. You say you're not close, so why would it matter that she still likes his first wife or has happy memories with her?

What’s being drip fed? I said I initially I was trying to be brief.