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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To smoke in my own garden

563 replies

LittleBear4 · 21/04/2019 16:54

I am a smoker. I smoke 10 fags a day and I'm not planning on giving it up yet (one day!).

In smoke in my garden, I've got two neighbours either side and one every time I'm smoking will come out and say 'it stinks out here' and will start to cough loudly.

It's really getting on my nerves, I can't move down the end of the garden because it's tiny and would make no difference at all but AIBU to hate the passive aggressive comments when I'm smoking in my garden?

OP posts:
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winniestone37 · 22/04/2019 21:21

Everytime my neighbour smokes I have to shut my windows, it revolting andthe smell fills my house. It feels like tbe equivalent of taking a sbit and forcing othersto smell it. Though taking a shit serves more purpose than smoking so not a great analogy.

OneTea · 22/04/2019 21:25

I wouldn't like to live next to someone who was intolerant, sanctimonious and had a shrill enough voice, that I can hear every word of their talk in the garden. I can imagine I'd feel their unpleasant & histrionic behaviour shouldn't be inflicted upon me. So.... on balance...
I'd much prefer to live next door to the smoker who's polite and kind, even if a tiny bit of it wafts my way at times

Agree Bed people seem quite hysterical, no idea whats going on with them ..

Cbatothinkofaname · 22/04/2019 21:26

‘This would actually encourage me to smoke more’

Yessss! Good result. Keep throwing more money to the govt- they love wasting your cash on Brexit. Paying more tax and statistically likely to die early- win win for the Govt! Grin

supermommyof4 · 22/04/2019 22:13

Id rather my neighbour's smoked than the current mess out the front and in the backyard..bought with them millions of cats seemingly. Rubbish all over there garden which keep coming onto.ours and a full recycling bin out front overflowing not been emptied due to not following rules.
Smoking i.could deal with!!

celticprincess · 22/04/2019 22:29

Haven’t RTFT but I live in a terrace and one of my neighbours smokes and it’s awful. At one point both sides smoked. They stand right by their door which is right by my door. We often come home and have to walk through the smoke to get into the house. I never comment however my autistic child does now comment loudly as she doesn’t like it. If she ever made eye contact with the neighbour she would also tell her she’s killing her self as she did that to her friend’s grandma. It was worse when the other neighbour smoked weed. Was also worse when the neighbour over the road was growing weed, selling it and smoking it. The whole street often stunk! The main problem is though these people can’t smoke in their own homes as they all rent (on my street). I’m one of the few home owners who live on the street now and I can’t even sell up due to negative equity or I would. It’s just not nice. My washing often smells of smoke when it’s out on finer days. BBQs are also my second pet hate. As much as I like the smell they also make my washing stink. Along with people burning rubbish on the nearby allotment.

SinkGirl · 22/04/2019 22:32

Everytime my neighbour smokes I have to shut my windows, it revolting andthe smell fills my house. It feels like tbe equivalent of taking a sbit and forcing othersto smell it. Though taking a shit serves more purpose than smoking so not a great analogy.

The biscuit aisle in my local Waitrose doesn’t have enough biscuits for this thread.

This is madness.

surreygirl1987 · 22/04/2019 22:35

Sympathy to your neighbours. I'm very glad you don't live next door to me - smoking is disgusting. Why can't you just smoke in your house so you don't bother other people?

SinkGirl · 22/04/2019 22:40

As always, if you don’t want to be affected by people living near you, you need to live far away from people. It’s not everyone else’s responsibility to curtail their lives so as not to inconvenience you. If smells coming into your house prevent you from opening your windows, buy an air cooler or some fans.

I mean seriously, when did people become completely incapable of coexisting alongside other people?

When my mum was in the hospice some new neighbours moved in to the adjacent flat in the adjoining building. They hadn’t a balcony right by our bedroom window. They’d wait til around 1:30am, then start playing insanely loud music, have at least 7 or 8 people round each night, several of whom would stand outside on their balcony smoking and yelling and laughing at the top of their lungs, and this went on until 7am every morning. For a week.

I tried calling the police, they couldn’t do anything. The council wanted me to keep records for three weeks and then they’d act. I couldn’t even write them a letter as I didn’t know their flat number in the converted building next door.

Now that was a bloody nightmare at a point where I was pretty much on the verge of a nervous breakdown as it was.

The reactions here to a single individual smoking one fag at a time in their own garden are absolutely ludicrous, it would be funny if it weren’t so ridiculous. Grow up.

SinkGirl · 22/04/2019 22:42

Why can't you just smoke in your house so you don't bother other people?

Maybe you should bother to read the thread, so you don’t ask questions that have already been answered many times.

I hope you never have an actually terrible neighbour, you might implode.

AllesAusLiebe · 22/04/2019 22:53

Cbatothinkofaname

Guess what? Everything kills you, everybody will die one day. Whether you enjoy a cigarette, glass of wine, red meat, going into the city to breathe in carbon fumes etc etc it all shortens your life.

surreygirl1987 · 22/04/2019 23:01

Youre right, I didnt read the whole 17 page thread... I don't really care about the answer though- my question was rhetorical. If the OP really wants to smoke that badly, it shouldn't be done where it can bother other people.

And I have had terrible neighbours in the past, yes. And I didn't 'implode', no Hmm

I stand by my opinion and i find it hard to see how the OP can possibly take the moral highground. Smoking is disgusting and smoking where others can smell and inhale it is just gross. I'm a schoolteacher and I'm relieved the schoolkids I teach share my opinion!

These threads are always hilarious.

forever390 · 22/04/2019 23:04

It's a disgusting habit that affects others. The only option to please everyone is to give up smoking! I would be so incredibly cross if you were my neighbour.

It's my right to allow my dog to shit in my garden but would you be happy if I let stinking dog shit fumes wash over your garden? It if I started using paint and varnish all day every day so the fumes could be smelt by you? Or if I lit a dirty big bonfire every single day? Thought not...

Why on Earth continue such a silly silly habit?

GabsAlot · 22/04/2019 23:10

the dog can shit all he likes if it was my garden coz its mine thats the point

surreygirl1987 · 22/04/2019 23:13

^missed the point 🤦‍♀️

TigerTooth · 22/04/2019 23:16

Op- it’s not illegal - you could be doing a lot worse - smoking inside in a confined space on your kids is not the same as smoking outside where a tiny amount wafts to the neighbours.
Just carry on, you are doing nothing wrong.
My neighbours cats shit all over my garden - I’d rather have a tiny waft of a quick fag (and I’m a non-smoker) that picking up piles of shite.

supermommyof4 · 22/04/2019 23:17

Oh yes but lets not forget its perfectly acceptable for cat owners to let their cat cause mess and ruin peoples gardens. They never shit in their own gardens. But lets persecute people enjoying there own garden!! Perfectly acceptable to smoke in your own garden

supermommyof4 · 22/04/2019 23:20

@TigerTooth i feel your pain. My new neighbours seem to have brought millions of cats with them.
Wrecked my bbq cover with their claws and have ruined my plants on my garden plus crapping every where this is worse than any cigarette smoke,

supermommyof4 · 22/04/2019 23:23

Ive just been and bought a ton of toxic plants for the lovely cats. Lots of lillies, etc..plus spikes on my garden now too.

LordWheresMyShoes · 22/04/2019 23:29

@supermommyof4 what delightful behaviour towards animals who are just being animals.

Don't suppose you've actually told you're neighbour their cats bother you, and what you're planting and why?

supermommyof4 · 22/04/2019 23:40

I dont need to tell them what i am planting, its my garden. They know im annoyed as ive chased them out more than once.
It actually makes me physically ill having to scoop up cat shit. I have complained to the council who are useless. They have only been here since nov and the mess and rubbish in the front and back is crazy. They dont seem to care about there own home or garden so why would they care about anyone elses.
I also have to keep paying out for repellent.

Minkies11 · 22/04/2019 23:45

@supermommy - thread is about OP smoking in her garden not about cats. Start your own thread if you want to rant about that. Who knows, someone might pay you a bit of attention....

bpirockin · 23/04/2019 02:26

Buy an old telephone box, put a tall chimney on it, enter and puff away to your heart's content :D

OrangeSunsets · 23/04/2019 03:54

Yes it is your garden and you can do as you please. Your neighbours also have the right to say and do what they want in their garden.

However, is it just the smoke or do you have an overflowing ashtray? They can stink too!

Is replacing your cigarettes with a Vape an option? I changed to the vape a few years ago and enjoyed it way more than cigarettes. I then managed to quit fat more easily.

Stopping isn’t easy but clinging on to smoking for emotional reasons isn’t a good idea.

Ce7913 · 23/04/2019 04:41

Look, your neighbours made the foolish mistake of presuming that you were one of the maybe 2-3% or so of smokers that actually give a fuck about not impacting others with their habit, and would modify your behaviour if you were made aware that it was significantly affecting them. They were wrong, it happens.

Yes, it's your garden.

Yes, you have a legal right to smoke there.

But if you continue to smoke there, knowing that you're significantly impacting your NDN's enjoyment of and comfort in their home and garden - and making the executive decision to risk their health for them besides - then you really do have a lot of hide being bothered that they're impacting your enjoyment of your cigarette by daring to comment on your deliberate, knowing choice to bother and harm them within your earshot.

Sure, they were a little passive-aggressive about it.
Maybe they're conflict avoidant in general, maybe they're a little gun-shy after any number of previous experiences that we've all had engaging with anti-social smokers which have resulted in defensive/aggressive/abusive reactions.

By all means, you and other smokers like you can continue to indulge your toxic, carcinogenic, asthma- and allergy-triggering habit whilst obeying the letter of pro-social laws and not the spirit (though, let's be honest, I've seen literally hundreds of smokers light up under 'no smoking' signs).

You can continue to swan round smugly declaring, "It is MY RIGHT in MY GARDEN and IT's JUST A SMELL, GET OVER IT!!!", and light up to your heart's content.

...But don't bitch when someone then concludes from your behaviour that you are ruse, thoughtless, selfish and unethical.

Fact:

Of the two parties here, you are the only one who has the ability to prevent further interruption to your enjoyment of and comfort in your property. In fact, you have at least four options available to you:

A. You can just put headphones in, thus succesfully drowning out the complaints and distress caused by your continued, deliberate anti-social behaviour

B. You could mildly inconvenience yourself to indulge your toxic habit instead of your non-consenting NDNs by taking a walk to smoke (I know, wild, right?)

C. You could attempt to minimise the impact to your neighbours by doing the smoking hut thing

D. You could quit, patch, vape, chew etc.

E. (Would be smoke indoors but you have children and that would make you somewhat more of selfish scumbag, so... No.)

Your neighbours, on the other hand, have precisely zero options to prevent you from continuing to significantly impact their enjoyment of and comfort in their home and garden.

They have no choice suck it up and suffer.

Like all of us, once a smoker knows that their smoke is seriously bothering people and decides to be a selfish, self-indulgent, anti-social tool, they have no option but to stay indoors, avoid their garden/balcony, keep their windows closed, turn off their reverse-cycle heating/cooling (and find alternatives for the extremes of summer and winter) and waste money and electricity drying their laundry in the dryer.

...As for your neighbours supposedly 'coming outside just to cough at you' - the implication being that they aren't really affected and are doing it just to spite you and ruin your fun - has it occurred to you that they were very likely sitting inside with either the windows open or the air-con on, and your poisonous, asthma- and allergy-triggering smoke has wafted in and is bothering them, and that they've come out to say so?

Ce7913 · 23/04/2019 04:52

Which is all to say, you do you.

Freedom and liberty and all that.

But don't inconvenience, harm or victimise others and then fancy yourself the victim when their natural response to your selfish, rude, health-endangering behaviour bothers you/hurts your feelings.

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