Or was my date really rude?

[gillteed]

Went on a date yesterday.
We met in a village half way between us.
It was a hour train for me and 45 mins for him.
My train home was 5pm and his was 5.05 pm.
I checked my app and seen my 5pm train was cancelled (if anyone is in north you will know northern still use the horrible 2 carriage pacer trains ) anyway the 4pm train was running 7 mins late so we rushed down for that.
I missed it by 2 mins.
His train came in at about ten past 4 and he jumped on and said bye leaving me alone till 6pm for the next train.
This is a train station without a coffee shop,any train staff,no vending machine and no toilets.
20 mins walk back into the village and I didn't really know the way.
Aibu to think he could have stayed as he wasn't going anywhere just home.
So I sat till 6 pm and I got home for 7.30 pm and he was home and 5pm !

Yes OP, obviously this is obviously extremely rude and very ungentlemanly. I’m amazed you even need to ask. Don’t waste anymore time wondering about this. The weather is too lovely.

It does sound very like the one who cancelled a previous date because he preferred a trip to Halfords.

Lots of advice to drop him, but poster seems very keen to continue to be treated like this.

If you are a masochist and like moaning about people, he is perfect for you. He is treating you in a very cool and casual manner. Most people prefer a little consideration from each other.

Jacques. Presumably the op made her date aware of the train situ and she didn’t just turn tail and run for the station.
Either way he is lacking in consideration, I wouldn’t just buggar off and leave someone alone at a station without assurances that they where ok with this, especially someone I was trying to impress.
Anyway it doesn’t sound like the relationship has legs if at least one of them is clock watching and neither considered prolonging the date.

If he isn’t interested enough in you to jump at the chance to spend more time with you at the beginning of a relationship, he isn’t going to put himself out five years down the line!

^ this with bells on. Next!

Presumably the op made her date aware of the train situ and she didn’t just turn tail and run for the station

Nono, I’m not saying she did. But more the fact she decided to rush for the earlier train rather than saying “train been cancelled, do you fancy another drink and we’ll get the later train”, might make him think she was using it as a convenient and welcome excuse to scarper!

Actually, none of us know what he was thinking, it just all seems very complicated when direct discussion would have cleared it all up quickly!

What were his train options? Was there a risk of his also being cancelled? If so I can understand him thinking that you were leaving so he would leave too. In your shoes I would have preferred to have company while I was waiting but I can't see any reason to feel badly towards him with the information we have currently.

I’d not arrange another date with him because the least he could have done was wait until his original train time, covering an hour of your wait.

He’s not into you, end of. That’s clear whether he’s rude or not.

I wouldn’t arrange another date with you, because I couldn’t date someone who “didn’t really know” their way back to a village that they’d been to and from the same day

I have not read the full thread, but parts and agree he doesn't sound interested and recommend you read a book "He's just not that into you" v American, but funny

You are "fine" to him, fine to meet, fine for some time, fine until a better option presents itself. The pub and his house were better options to him than you. Don't you want to be "important"?

I would suggest you find yourself a better option than him!

Matthew Hussey has practical confidence building and dating clips on YouTube to move forward.

I disagree OP. How was the date going until then? Even if it was going well, once you've left the pub and begun the end of date wind down (initiated by you), I think it would have been awkward to sit together on the platform for two hours. You've lost the momentum/atmosphere and you'd be sitting in silence.

I couldn't imagine anything worse. I'd much rather sit by myself and play on my phone, read, or listen to a podcast.

Maybe I've just never been on a good enough date, I don't know.

I wouldn't have dumped even a friend like that. He CBA'd and not that into you. Ghost him.

Ghost him

Oh for goodness sake, why would this be good advice? Wouldn’t a simple “thanks I’m not interested in taking it further” be the more adult course of action?

he's not rude he's not interested

He is just not that into you I'm afraid, if he was he would have behaved better (one would hope). Better to find out now. Ditch.

Four dates in and he doesn't care about your wellbeing at all. Jump ship now, it won't get any better.

I wouldn't see him again.

I went out with someone who did something very similar, I was left waiting on my own for a bus for 3 hours and he just went home. I ignored the warning sign and continued to date him. He ended up being a very selfish arsehole.

What's that saying? When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Onwards and upwards OP!

It's not really a matter of chivalry but rather basic courtesy and manners towards another human being. No matter who I was meeting - brother, sister, friend, colleague, date - I would not leave someone alone at a remote train station for 2 hours. I would keep them company and get a later train

THIS ^

Iy's basic good manners.

I don’t get it.

OP elected to try for an earlier (not later) train, a. Terminating the date early and b. Presumably leaving him hanging around, waiting at the station alone for his train.

So... that’s ok?

But, not the other way round?

I dunno. I read it that the OP arrived at the station at 4.09, date’s train arrived at 4.10pm. I’d maybe think that it was all a bit of a rush and he just jumped on the train without time to think it through.

Ah, you’re right, biscuit

His train was originally 5.05, then he got an earlier one when OP missed hers.

So, not great... but OP still elected to get earlier train when her 5pm ish was cancelled rather than later... which, if ‘she was that into him’ would surely have been a better option?

Anyway, as an PP says; signs are that this probably isn’t going anywhere (on both sides).

Assuming he knew it was two hours, that's definitely a sign of a lack of empathy/social skills! Not sure if you can work with that.

If he isn’t interested enough in you to jump at the chance to spend more time with you at the beginning of a relationship, he isn’t going to put himself out five years down the line!

This. You wouldn’t leave a friend in this situation let alone someone you had a budding romance with

I once met a guy on an airplane and we really hit it off. I had a 3 hour layover and he came with me to my gate and we went to a restaurant and ordered food and drinks. I asked him when his flight was or if he lived in Washington (we were at Washington Dulles Airport) and he said he'd already missed his connection but would rather spend time with me and he'd sort it later. Obviously I was shocked and very flattered.

If a man likes you, he will want to spend time with you. Even if it's sitting in a train station.

This ...If a man likes you, he will want to spend time with you. Even if it's sitting in a train station

Because he will want to prioritise you!

A decent person would have stayed with you.
He sounds thoughtless at best and selfish at worst especially as he also went straight to the pub before you even got there.
He also is probably not all that bothered about dating you by the sounds of things.
You deserve better than this.

I’m laughing at people calling it a remote train station with no available refreshments etc, given that the OP stated that in the 5 minutes between her dare arriving there and her arriving he had walked to the pub. Hardly remote, and waiting there at the station for 2 hours feeling put out instead of walking the five minutes to the pub is a bit martyrish, tbh.