To just refuse the wedding invitation

[jessicawessica]

Nephew getting married in august. Been planning this massively expensive do for 2 years and he and fiancee talk about it a lot....dress code, venue, meal, etc.
Went to visit my mum today and my younger DB was also there. My mum gave us both out invitations as DN had dropped them off there.
We all opened them to find that me and DB were not invited to the ceremony and meal, just to the evening do.
I was fuming. My DD has been so looking forward to going to her first wedding ceremony so will be gutted when I tell her, especially as she adores DN s little girl.
My DB and I both said we won't be going at all now, especially as they've included a gift list in the invite and they all look bloody expensive.
I could understand it it was a small intimate do but it's for 150 people. And it's not as though DN has a large family....just his dad who will be 1 of the 10 Groomsmen, his brother, his mum and his gran (my mum).
AIBU to not go?

I am a huge fan of a gift list, generally, but to include one with an evening invitation is beyond tacky.
I have no issue with evening invitations either, depending on the nature of the relationship between inviter and invitee.
But to give an evening invitation (with gift list) to a close family member, whom you see weekly, and have bored with the details of your wedding for two years, is an unbelievable breach of good manners.
Decline the invitation, give your reasons (in person, preferably) and on no account give any sort of gift. A card will suffice, if you felt so inclined.

Actually your mum should decline aswell and then you can all go out somewhere nice for the day together

Rude basically, that said I find two tier weddings rude in general, with perhaps the exception of work colleagues assuming the venue is local. Got invited to one next month 150 miles away, said arrive at 8pm, carriages at 11.30pm - not going obviously but who thinks that's even appropriate?

Their day and their way. My ex husband had a massive family (Mum 1 of 5, Dad 1 of 12, over 100 first cousins) and agreeing our wedding guest list was so hard. We also had to factor in my family and our friends. But it was our wedding, we paid for it and organised it all. I know some people were unhappy about who we did / didn’t invite, the location, date and time etc etc (who does a wedding by committee?!). But you can’t please everyone all the time and gave it no headspace

But yeah the gift list is tacky and so is 10 groomsmen

We have a very small close knit family, and there's no way I'd invite 100 friends or colleagues over family who have been there all my life.

The ceremony is the main bit, watching them say their vows. Sod the party.

Carriages at 11:30

How naff!
I'd refuse any invite that stated this 😂

EL8888 did you choose not to invite any family member you saw weekly and to whom you had been talking about the wedding every time you saw them?

Do you think it is possible that the bride to be is fed up of having to see her DH’s family every Sunday, and maybe wants to distance herself from the family?

On the face of it does seem rude. However, if there are 10 groomsmen, it does seem as if it is all about appearances, and you may have dodged a bullet by not being invited.

There's a difference between limiting family invitations if you have a huge family (my MIL is one of 15 and my FIL one of 10 - even after all these years I don't think I could name all of DH's cousins!), but when your entire family is 10 people and you've been talking to them every week about your wedding is just downright rude.

While you are not unreasonable to be miffed that you weren't invited to the full day, I think you are being unreasonable expecting that your own dd would be asked. We had hardly any cousins at our wedding. We couldn't have invited them all as there were too many. Maybe the bride and groom didn't want to invite all their cousins. In any case, I wouldn't be making the effort to go to an evening do, and I certainly wouldn't be buying a gift from their list. That's very cheeky!

So normally every Sunday I pick DB1 up and give him a lift up to mums house.
I will continue to do this but won't be staying for the "family afternoon get together".
Have ticked the regretfully won't be coming box on the invite and will drop off at mums.
Don't trust myself not to say anything if I stay.

I love how these threads always go

OP: my relatives have done this, what do you think?

Majority: rude, rude cunts

Then someone comes on (ever 20 posts or so) and says: no, they can't be rude cunts because I DID THIS AT MY WEDDING

Drum OP has said entire family consists of 10 people who are close.

Not talking about lots of cousins you don't see all the time.

@JessieMcJessie l don’t see any family members on a weekly basis so no. My family live abroad or hundreds of miles away.

He sits unreasonable to not go. And im usually real sensitive about this type of stuff.

It’s your nephew and you should be grateful for any invite IMO. They probably debated the guest list and this reaction is making it more difficult for them. I would go for sure

I'm not a fan of evening guests at all, I had 1 evening guest who was my sisters best friend and had been at school during the day. Everyone else was fed.

Yes, that’s my point EL8888.

150 guests and not including closer family when there is frequent contact and they number

Grow up and go. I’ll never understand this assumption that people have a ‘right’ to an invitation to weddings

OP hasn't said she had a right to be invited - she had obviously expected to be invited as they'd discussed the wedding with her for two bloody years and 150 other guests did make the cut! I'm always amazed that people feel like they can be as rude and unkind as they like when they get married and everyone should just be incredibly grateful to be even peripherally involved in their magical event!

Is there any chance it was meant to be a child free wedding? And you'd assumed your dd was invited and they found out you were planning on taking children and they might feel this is a politer way of keeping it children in case you got annoyed children were not invited?

It's weird if all his other aunts and uncles have been invited and you're the only one not and was just thinking that maybe they found out you assumed the kids could go?

He doesn't have any other aunts or uncles, so it's not due to Dcs not being invited.
Also my DCs (his cousins) are 17, 12 and 11. I don't think they're likely to start running down the aisle screaming and rolling on the floor.

I think you're right to decline OP, but I am rather regretful that you won't be able to report back on the 10 groomsmen dressed in white. The guests are going to think they've wandered into an audition for an Osmond family biopic.

Is it possible they are not inviting aunts and uncles on the brides’ side?

It’s your nephew and you should be grateful for any invite IMO. They probably debated the guest list and this reaction is making it more difficult for them. I would go for sure

Here's a . Go ahead and offer to take the OP's place then.

Never mind the Osmonds. DB1 said he looked like the ghost from "Randall & Hopkirk Deceased". Apparently, when he looked in the mirror he just disappeared.
I'm pretty easy going and hate conflict, so it takes a lot to wind me up. My keeping quiet and not saying anything to DN is going to be difficult so I think it's best I avoid him as much as possible.