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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just refuse the wedding invitation

1000 replies

jessicawessica · 20/04/2019 22:04

Nephew getting married in august. Been planning this massively expensive do for 2 years and he and fiancee talk about it a lot....dress code, venue, meal, etc.
Went to visit my mum today and my younger DB was also there. My mum gave us both out invitations as DN had dropped them off there.
We all opened them to find that me and DB were not invited to the ceremony and meal, just to the evening do.
I was fuming. My DD has been so looking forward to going to her first wedding ceremony so will be gutted when I tell her, especially as she adores DN s little girl.
My DB and I both said we won't be going at all now, especially as they've included a gift list in the invite and they all look bloody expensive.
I could understand it it was a small intimate do but it's for 150 people. And it's not as though DN has a large family....just his dad who will be 1 of the 10 Groomsmen, his brother, his mum and his gran (my mum).
AIBU to not go?

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 22/04/2019 22:42

@OhDearGodLookAtThisMess Grin would you like me to tell you about my wedding too?

winepls · 22/04/2019 22:46

@MyOtherProfile can I??? 🤣🤣🤣

MyOtherProfile · 22/04/2019 22:49

@winepls o yes! Grin Grin Grin

Original poster
jessicawessica · 22/04/2019 23:04

I should point out that DN was perfectly aware of the fact that neither Me nor DB2 expected other family members to go.
He knew that my DS1 wasn;t fussed, also DB2s DS not fussed. He knew DB2s daughter, husband and DS wouldn't be able to attend also as they also had other commitments. Db2s partner also wouldn't have been able to attend due to personal reasons.
These people may have been at my mums for a sunday gathering, but in the 2 years wedding talk, DN knew full well that certain people wouldn't/couldn't attend.

OP posts:
FitMum87 · 22/04/2019 23:07

placemarking as.i hope you get an apology and explanation

ByeClaire · 22/04/2019 23:09

Did you see and speak to DS2 about it today OP?

ByeClaire · 22/04/2019 23:09

Typo! dB2

supermommyof4 · 22/04/2019 23:09

I can understand why the OP is annoyed..is what i was getting at. If space is not an issue i don't understand why you wouldn't invite your auntie? And i don't understand the idea that people expect expensive gifts, surely their attendance at your wedding is enough. No OP yanbu and i imagine you probably feel a little hurt

GabsAlot · 22/04/2019 23:10

sorry havent rtft but your his aunt and godmother and they talk to u endlessly about it then only invite u for scraps

id be declining sorry for your mum but its just so wrong

Nanny0gg · 22/04/2019 23:37

@Retired65
Nothing actually to stop you going to the wedding if it is held in a church.

But as has been mentioned numerous times, it isn't.

@jessicawessica

Did you enjoy the barbeque?

Nanny0gg · 22/04/2019 23:39

@Riversguidebook

But she hasn't been invited to 'share their day'. That's the whole point of this thread...

flowerbombVR · 22/04/2019 23:46

Is there a backstory with DNs DM that could be the reason .

OctoberCarrot · 22/04/2019 23:47

I totally understand why you’re very hurt. I think your DN is being very selfish not inviting you.

I didn’t invite 2 people to my wedding that I should have. They were friends and i just ran out of space. They haven’t spoken to me since.

Though I did priorities aunts and uncles who I hadn’t seen in a few years but I couldn’t imagine getting married without them there. Some of them have since passed away and I’m so glad they were at my wedding. And I’m talking lots of aunts and uncles as my parents were both one of 8.

I do regret not inviting my friends and it has left an everlasting bad taste in my mouth. Weddings can bring out the worst in people.

Ayemama · 22/04/2019 23:49

I hope you get a reason and an apology. Such a crappy way to be treated.

Original poster
jessicawessica · 22/04/2019 23:52

There's no back story with DNs mum. She has been to numerous family events....DB2s Grandsons christening. my DS1s birthday party, DB2s wedding (which was years after she and DB1 divorced).
Wev'e always got on and I went to a New Years Eve party at her house last year.
She lives nearby and regularly stops for a chat if i'm in the front garden and she's walking the dog.
I even went to her mums funeral.

OP posts:
flowerbombVR · 23/04/2019 00:25

In that case your DN is being an immature sod. Hopefully he comes to his senses soon and you get an apology and 'proper' invite OP. I do wonder if it is an age thing !

flowerbombVR · 23/04/2019 00:26

His parents should be keeping him right on that...

EdtheBear · 23/04/2019 00:35

Op your nephew has no idea of the damage that he's done. I hope that it doesn't cause big riffs between you and your brothers.

I know a family who all talk to the mother but will not enter her house at the same time. 20+ years of avoiding each other. All over invites to a wedding and some rude comments.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 23/04/2019 00:43

@jessicawessica i am feeling for you.

I think this is unkind & unnecessary of your DN & DB1 should have brought him into line.

In your future, take care to invest in them only as much as you would never mind not receiving back in kind x

LittleRedMushroom · 23/04/2019 00:54

This is such a sad thread - a happy family who meet up every week now falling apart over invitations to what is supposed to be a wonderful family event.
OP - I hope you find a way through this that lets you all carry on as before - your Sundays together sound lovely.

bpirockin · 23/04/2019 01:15

The 10 groomsmen in white tells me all I need to know here - online dance clip anyone? I'm sorry, but your DN is doing it all for appearances. Sadly, many weddings are about the "show" as opposed to being something meaningful between two people. It's not even about his wife to be, which makes him shallow and selfish. Doesn't have a house but would rather use his father's money to pay towards an OTT wedding, that makes him unrealistic and immature as well. His priorities are all messed up, and presumably his parents had a part in that.

I am sorry that this happened, your DN is a tit, and that your DD is to be disappointed. Sadly there's no going back from something like this, it's done and he's shown his true colours. At least now you know where you stand, and maybe he'll invite you next time round.

I truly hope you have a fantastic holiday.

differentnameforthis · 23/04/2019 01:18

@SmellsLikeAdultSpirit - It you are going to be an ass at least spell correctly

If YOU are going to the lengths to correct someone's spelling, make sure you preview before you post. Otherwise you look stupid.

Petlover9 · 23/04/2019 04:41

I could not have put it better- sending the LIST back is a brilliant idea, good manners would have been to only send the LIST to anyone who asked. Put a 2nd class stamp on it

saraclara · 23/04/2019 06:41

I know a family who all talk to the mother but will not enter her house at the same time. 20+ years of avoiding each other. All over invites to a wedding and some rude comments.

So many posts on this thread are encouraging actions that will lead to exactly this, and I find that quite vicious. It's as though people want to play a part in the drama, and so are wanting to ramp things up for their own entertainment.

The post above is a classic example (chosen purely for its proximity to mine. There are loads like it) Send the list back! Wind things up! Piss them off!

Way to help destroy a family. The mother in the quote and the mother in this thread are/will be devastated by such a breakdown in their family. Yes, the nephew's action is a big mistake. But he's young and daft. It's the aunts and uncles who will be doing the damage to the family if they react with spite rather than calm communication.

Halo84 · 23/04/2019 07:02

The OP attempted calm communication, and was told it’s DN’s day, and he is free to invite, or not invite, anyone he wishes.

This was reparable, but OP’s DB1 decided he didn’t care enough about her, or DB2, to bother to attempt to fix things. That suggests to me how much he views those relationships as important in his life.

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