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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if your mixed sex children have a good relationship?

88 replies

RoseGoldEagle · 20/04/2019 16:40

I have a 2 year old DD and have just given birth to a baby boy. I am really close to my sisters, and they both have only girls, and for some reason I assumed this baby would be a girl (which I know is completely irrational!), and to be honest my initial feeling (which I now feel horribly guilty about) was a tiny bit of disappointment that he was a boy and that DD won’t have that sister relationship. I know that’s awful and I hate that I felt that initially, am obviously so grateful to have two healthy children. Does anyone have a DD and DS with a couple of years gap and what kind of relationship do they have? I realise there’s no guarantees two girls would have got on and everyone is different but would just really appreciate anyone’s experiences. Please go easy on me, I already feel so awful about that initial feeling ☹️

OP posts:

barbiegrl · 20/04/2019 16:42

I have two with a two year gap but my son is older than my daughter. They are incredibly close,and my daughter worships her big brother-even now that they are teenagers (13 and 15) they are really close and love each other's company...when they are not fighting like cat and dog! Lol

Pigpogtastic · 20/04/2019 16:43

I have mixed with the same age gap as you. My two adore each other and are thick as thieves. They do plenty of arguing but also masses of playing together and can frequently be found on the sofa cuddled up together. It is adorable.

rabbitheadlights · 20/04/2019 16:44

I had my first dd and 2.5 yrs later my Ds they are now just 13 and 10 nearly 11 they have a great relationship atm .. they get on well most of the time .... she does have him being a bit of a lacky sometimes but he doesntvseem to mind

PaquitaVariation · 20/04/2019 16:45

I have a ds, 3 years older than his sister. They have an amazing relationship and lots of shared interests. On the other hand, I wouldn’t wish the relationship I have with my sister on anyone!

BertrandRussell · 20/04/2019 16:45

I have an 18 year old ds and a 22 year old dd and they have always had a fantastic relationship, apart from a couple of rocky years when she was too grown up for him.

I think that working on building the sibling relationship is one of the most important bit of parenting- I still remember the first time dd said “we” and I realised she meant herself and her brother, not herself and me!

JudyDenchsBloomers · 20/04/2019 16:45

I have a DB, I am 17 months older than him. He was a bugger to grow up with but we now (37 & 35) have a great relationship. I never missed a sister as I had good female friendships. My DH is v envious of my relationship with DB and consequently, my DSil. We have a lovely time together. I never missed having a DSis as that what my girlfriends were for.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 20/04/2019 16:46

I think it differs from child to child.
I have two siblings of similar ages to me - a brother and sister. We both got on really well with our brother, but my sister and I always clashed something rotten! Even now, we have a much better relationship but still drive each other mental with prolonged exposure!

MsVestibule · 20/04/2019 16:48

My DS was born 20 months after DD. They're now 10 and 12 and generally get on well! They're currently lying on the trampoline, discussing whatever the latest must-have iPad game is. Obviously a few arguments, but no more than same sex siblings, I don't think.

There's only a very small age gap between my sister and me and as adults, we really don't like each other, so I think it's more of a personality thing than a gender/sex thing.

And congratulations on the birth of your beautiful boy .

CheshireDing · 20/04/2019 16:50

I have a DD, then DS, then another DS
2 years between each of them just about
They adore each other, help each other, kids and cuddle each other just out of the blue for no reason.

candycane222 · 20/04/2019 16:51

Mine are the other way about but similar age gap. Once dd was about 9 mth they started to play together and they went on from there as great buddies. Now just either side of 20 and talk to each other on the phone far more than either of them talks to me! (and though I love my own dsis dearly, we never got on as well as my kids do )

RupertStJohnPoo · 20/04/2019 16:51

My older brother is 8 years older than me (just the two of us no other siblings). We got on like a house on fire until he met his wife. Now the relationship with the whole family is strained. My kids DS is 2.8 years older than DD. They get on very well and are great playmates. Count your blessings. I suspect you’re worrying over nothing. Congrats on the arrival of your DS.

DoubtOfTheOrdinary · 20/04/2019 16:51

Don't have kids of my own yet but my DB is 4 years younger than me and I adored him when we were kids. Once we were a bit older he remained one of my closest friends and allies, and in our late teens / early twenties we rented a flat together. Now we're early-mid 30s, both married and busy with work etc in separate towns but still talk on the phone regularly, and meet up every couple months. Obviously from time to time we've fallen out over various things, but he's still one of my favourite people to hang out / go on holiday with, and I have a huge amount of respect for his opinions.
I hope your son and daughter end up the best of friends, OP

5SleepingLions · 20/04/2019 16:55

My youngest boy is 2 years and 2 months older than my Dd and they adore each other.
They have such a lovely relationship he is now 6 and she is 4.
They have their odd arguments of course but 5 minutes later they are playing again.

weltenbummler · 20/04/2019 16:56

My DS and DD were born 19 months apart and are very supportive of each other. they enjoy doing activities together during holidays and often are into the same kind of books / films etc. I wonder whether in a way, having a sibling of the same sex might bring out more competitive behaviour in some children with them feeling they need to find their own individual role in family

Fiveredbricks · 20/04/2019 16:58

I love my brother to death. Can't stand my sister at all OP.

scaryteacher · 20/04/2019 16:59

I am 2 years and 10 months older than my db. We are now both in our 50s, but I wouldn't say we are close.

We donb't ring each other to chat, only when we have to organise something, or there is a problem with our dm. Our parents got divorced and we sided with differing parents.

HairycakeLinehan · 20/04/2019 17:08

Mixed sex children in our family tended to be much closer as children but not so much in adulthood but vice versa ended up closer to same sex siblings and cousins in adulthood but not so much in childhood

Didiplanthis · 20/04/2019 17:11

DD is 3 years older than DTBs. It's a funny dynamic but I think twin dynamics are often a bit odd ! She adores her brothers and wants to cuddle them look after them etc but they are 7 and have ASD so can react a bit negatively to that which she finds hard. They have spent all day today playing on trampoline and in paddling pool. They bicker and take each other for granted but have a strong bond under it all. I also had that slight pang that she wouldn't have sister ( I didn't and wanted one) so I do understand but agree personality is probably more of a determinant than gender.

Asta19 · 20/04/2019 17:11

My DS is 18 months older than my DD. Both nearly 30 now. As kids they played together a lot and got on well. But had less in common as they got older. My DD has a (big) wild streak and my DS is so straight laced, you couldn’t get two more different people! They love each other fiercely and would always rush to help each other if there’s a problem, but on a day to day basis they don’t have a huge amount in common. They never argue but don’t share any interests either.

If I’d had two girls and both were like my DD I can imagine they would have had a love/hate relationship! But, as it stands, having a calm, level headed brother has been good for my DD.

sydenhamhiller · 20/04/2019 17:16

I have a DB 3 years younger than me. We were quite close when we were little, less so when we were 12/9 onwards and grew to be very different teens.

We have always lived in different countries since I was 18 (30 years!), so see each other maybe once or 2x a year, so not so close - but when we see each other, there’s a real connection, and we both know we would do anything for the other one.

My own kids are DS, DD1, DD2. 15, 13 and nearly 7. The first two were very close until they started school, and then got on- but not as close- friends were closer.

Then when they were 8 and 6, I had DD2. DD1 adored her, and they were a real twosome, and poor ds seemed a bit of a 3rd wheel - but also wasn’t that bother about a baby/ toddler.

But as soon as the older ones were both at secondary school, and travelled by train on the same route, this shared experience made them closer, and the age gap between dd2 and the older ones seems bigger.

Dd1 at 13 finds a little vastly irritating, whilst DS at 15 is suddenly much more sociable and goes bouncing on the trampoline with DD2 whenever she asks, gives her piggy backs on days out, and suddenly has a lovely relationship with her.

I have found watching the wax and wane of these relationships fascinating, and hope they choose to be close as adults, but realise that time, circumstance and geography play a big part in all of this too - as much as gender.

Congratulations on your little boy !

ThePixieQueen · 20/04/2019 17:17

I have two younger sisters and one younger brother. Closest to S1, but get on very well with brother as we share a lot of interests. S2, neither myself or S1 are in contact with her, and brother barely tolerates her.

It was similar growing up. So gender doesn’t define sibling relationships

TriciaH87 · 20/04/2019 17:17

I have a brother no sisters. We fought like all siblings. I am also the oldest. I got him out of a number of detentions at high school saying he had dentist etc. We don't live close to each other we're about 130 miles apart but in regular contact and visits when we can. We have a good relationship and I know if I had a problem he would be here as fast as he could cover that distance. Same as he knows I will always do what I can to help him.

fatpatsthong · 20/04/2019 17:19

I have 2 dds but had an elder db 2.5 yrs apart. Close all the way through to be honest. Grew a bit distant due to geography and life style in our late 20s/early 30s but still fundamentally a deep bond. I lost him a couple of years ago and it's like a bit of me is missing tbh.

A few dodgy moments - shagging one of his best friends who came to stay with us for nye once wasn't my best moment to be fair.......

DH is also closer to his ds than his dbs and my mum and her brother are similar.

archivearmadillo · 20/04/2019 17:20

My older 2 are girl/ boy and 2 years apart. They're young teens now and were incredibly close, almost inseparable, from about 18 months and 3.5 until they were 9 and 7, when the age difference seemed more apparent and ds1 started to play more with dc3 while DD was more focused on friends.

They're still fairly close though - high 5 each other silently when they pass in the corridor at school apparently, which I'd never in a million years have done with my sister! They're playing a computer game together online at this moment, one on the Xbox with dc3, one upstairs - odd children This morning they went canoeing together.

I hated my younger sister's guts, but largely because my parents thought she could do no wrong and that as the oldest I should turn the other cheek, be kind, and understand when she deliberately hurt me, invaded my privacy, broke my things and tried to embarrass me, and made me responsible for entertaining her and keeping her company.

My kids bicker but have never once fought in the bitter way I remember fighting with my sister.

I don't think it's the genitalia that determine whether siblings are close as children, but personality and parenting.

HippyChickMama · 20/04/2019 17:28

I have one of each and they adore each other, there is a six year gap though, dd really looks up to ds and he pretends to find her annoying but goes out of his way to include her. I have a younger db and a younger dsis and I've always got on better with db.

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