Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if your mixed sex children have a good relationship?

88 replies

RoseGoldEagle · 20/04/2019 16:40

I have a 2 year old DD and have just given birth to a baby boy. I am really close to my sisters, and they both have only girls, and for some reason I assumed this baby would be a girl (which I know is completely irrational!), and to be honest my initial feeling (which I now feel horribly guilty about) was a tiny bit of disappointment that he was a boy and that DD won’t have that sister relationship. I know that’s awful and I hate that I felt that initially, am obviously so grateful to have two healthy children. Does anyone have a DD and DS with a couple of years gap and what kind of relationship do they have? I realise there’s no guarantees two girls would have got on and everyone is different but would just really appreciate anyone’s experiences. Please go easy on me, I already feel so awful about that initial feeling ☹️

OP posts:
Aprillygirl · 20/04/2019 17:34

My 21yr old daughter and my 17yr old son have always been thick as thieves.They're always chatting and laughing together and she'll even take him for the odd day out and buy him treats. I used to feel sorry for my 19 year old when he was younger because they'd always leave him out of their games and chats. So being the same sex and close in age does not automatically mean that they will be close,in fact it can go quite the opposite way!

archivearmadillo · 20/04/2019 17:36

I've just remembered that we took DD (then 20 months) to a private scan after the NHS anomaly detection scan, having discovered a free private scan was a random work health insurance perk.

The sonogropher told DD that it was a little boy in mummy's tummy.

DD was absolutely furious. We thought shit, she must want a sister.

Turned out, when she calmed down, that she wanted there to be a baby in there.

To her a little boy was a toddler, babies were just babies and she wanted mummy to have a baby!

She was very verbal very early, chatting away in little sentences and seeing very much older than she was in some ways, and it brought home the fact that having a lot of words at her disposal didn't necessarily mean she understood any more than other 20 month olds!

Grosserygangrule · 20/04/2019 17:38

I have an older brother and sister and the three of us are incredibly close. Don’t worry

Kenworthington · 20/04/2019 17:41

I have 3 dc aged 20, 16 and 14
The eldest two are boys and 4 years apart . They are very different and have never been close.
The middle and youngest are boy and younger is girl. They are really close. They all hang out together with each other’s mates. In fact there’s a massive group of them gone to the beach together- all ds’s mates and dd’s mates. A couple of ds mates also treat dd like their younger sister and are really protective of her. They also have started ‘pairing’ off. Ha! It’s the ideal age gap for that!! I think they will always be close tbh. It’s lovely

OhTheRoses · 20/04/2019 17:46

3.5 year gap. DS visited when she was born, looked and said "I think a boy would have been better". He still remembers the Thos The Tank Engine book and pencils waiting in the bassinet from her.

They adored each other until he was about 14. Between dd being about 13 and 17 they utterly detested each other. Got close again once he finished uni. They are 20 and 24 now. V close again.

FloofyDoof · 20/04/2019 17:48

I have 19 months between my 2, DS is older. When they were small they played together, looked out for each other and were very close.

They annoyed the hell out of each other for a couple of years around early teens/puberty time, and did argue a bit more, they had very separate friendship groups and didn't do much together unless they had to.

Now they are 18 and 20 and really good friends again, and are quite protective of each other. They went to the cinema together yesterday, and will occasionally go out and meet up with mates all together for a couple of drinks, and their friends are all quite friendly now. It's nice.

corythatwas · 20/04/2019 17:50

Very good.

Dd (22) was taken ill on Monday night and ds (18) got out of bed at 2.30 in the morning to travel up to London (3 hrs) to help her; he offered to stay there looking after her on his own but in the end we decided to bring her home.

I am still very close to my 3 brothers.

JaceLancs · 20/04/2019 17:50

DD was 17 months old when DS was born
They were very close from a young age
Now 26 and 27 and still have a sibling bond I envy

PinkSquidgyPig · 20/04/2019 17:54

In our 40s and 50s now, i am and always was close with my brother 10 years younger. But not with the brother 19 months younger than me. It's a personality thing for us. For other adults I've spoken to. I only have one child.

Stiffasaboard · 20/04/2019 17:58

My DB is my best friend

I was his best (wo)man when he got married and even in our 40s we are still really close.

We were close all through our childhood and teenage years. Even lived together for a few years in London when we first started out in work until I met DH and moved in with him.

PinkSquidgyPig · 20/04/2019 18:01

In our 40s and 50s now, i am and always was close with my brother 10 years younger. But not with the brother 19 months younger than me. It's a personality thing for us. For other adults I've spoken to. I only have one child.
I have had a close sister relationship with a friend for the last 42 years. My dd considers her to be an aunty. Her DC (most now adults) consider me to be family). Nobody has missed out.
Don't fret, it'll be fine or not, but it won't be because he's a boy ...

ineedtobuyafan · 20/04/2019 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EnglishRose13 · 20/04/2019 18:12

I have two older brothers and I'm really close to both of them. They're my best friends.

Of all the sisters I know, only two sets are genuinely close.

drspouse · 20/04/2019 18:13

I have a brother, and I have a boy and a girl. I played well with my brother as a child but we were not best friends as teenagers though got on a bit better after we left home. Now he's really politically extreme/obsessed, (rest of the family agrees) so we try to minimise the effect on his teenage DCs.
My two are only 7 and 4, but they love playing together until the DD goes off in a strop, or DS pulls her hair.

HariboBrenshnio · 20/04/2019 18:17

I have DS (5) and DD (3) and they are best friends. DS a bit clingier than DD but when one is out, the other misses them. They share a room and LOVE to share. They squabble like all siblings but play lovely, look out of each other and genuinely pick each other first above anyone else.

I hope they continue as they get older. I do feel we put a lot of effort into nurturing the foundations of the relationship in the first 2 years and will continue to do so.

Chicksinonebasket · 20/04/2019 18:27

Mine hate each other - boy aged nearly 10 and girl aged 3 - but my son has ASD and is VERY hard to get along with. He’s vile to her. A bully really. I can’t leave them alone for five minutes without him making dd cry. It’s a shame, I hoped they’d get on but they don’t.
My friends who have two girls all seem to have children who get on really well and my adult friends who have sisters are all really close.
Adult friends with brothers not so much.

You get what you get though! Hopefully they would pull together in times of crisis as the very least.

ViennaLinz · 20/04/2019 18:31

I’m 50 and still speak to my brother almost every day.

On the other hand, my two nieces aged 20 and 17 are polar opposites and have never been at all close. Now the older one is at uni, they can go months without any form of communication.

Gender doesn’t determine relationships. It’s personality that matters.

InfiniteCurve · 20/04/2019 18:33

Yes,5.5 years between them,they get on really well now ( young adults) and always have.Thank goodnessSmile

MrsEricBana · 20/04/2019 18:34

Similar age gap here but mine are older teens. They've always played together well (as well as sibling arguing etc) and they love each other and get on really well. Heard her ring him earlier and ask if he could give her and her friend a lift please. He replied "Ok, no probs, see you later, love you!" Sob. Don't worry. it'll be wonderful and you will love having a grown up daughter AND a grown up son - it's fab!

Minai · 20/04/2019 18:37

Bigger gap than yours but I am 5 years older than my brother and I always loved him growing up. When he was tiny I played with him like a doll and when he got bigger we were great friends and stayed that way through teen years. Now we are late twenties/early thirties we are still close. I am just as close with him as I am with my older sister (4.5 years older) and got on better with him as a child & teen. Congratulations on your ds. I don’t think you have anything to be worried about.

IntoValhalla · 20/04/2019 18:40

I’ve got an almost 4yo DD and a 2.5yo DS.
They are so close in age, they are interested in more or less the same things, so toys/tv shows/days out etc are pretty easy to negotiate so they are both happy.
They are either the best of friends and play wonderfully together - they are currently snuggled up under a blanket together watching CBeebies bedtime Smile But if one of them feels the slightest inconvenience perpetrated by the other, they will actively try to murder each other. Sometimes I feel more like a referee than a mother Blush I’ve learned quickly to just let them hash it out between themselves unless someone is bleeding!
I’ve got an older sister and we really did not get along at all as kids, and to be honest we aren’t close as adults. I can count on one hand how many times a year we see each other - we just have nothing in common at all.

weegiemum · 20/04/2019 18:40

I have dd1 (19), ds (17), dd2 (15). 3 inside 4 years!

They all get on pretty well, though with 3 the dynamics are always changing! Ds is currently acting like an idiot so both girls are exasperated with him, but also looking out for him on social media and raising any issues with us. Dd1 lives away at uni and they currently get on better than when they were all at home, though she's home for Easter right now and she's gone right back into big sister mode.

I'm one of 6, 2 girls and 4 boys. I rarely to never see my sister, we just don't get on, I'm friendly with all my brothers.

It depends on the personalities, not on the sex!

bloodywhitecat · 20/04/2019 18:40

Mine are now 28 (female) and 27 (male), still as thick as thieves, I mean, don't get me wrong, as kids they would fight like cat and dog but woe betide the fool that tried to upset one of them, the other was there like a flash.

3in4years · 20/04/2019 18:42

5yo DS
3yo DD
Best of friends. No issue.
Congratulations.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 20/04/2019 18:45

The girls get on better with their brother than they do with each other. He has a different relationship with each of them he is the middle bit on a Venn diagram. The girls get on a bit better now than when younger. As others have said it really depends on their personalities.