To leave my DH and his family?

[NorahBlanche]

Hello everyone. I'll try to keep this short.

I live in a foreign country (my DH's homeland). We live in a big house - he has a flat downstairs (likes his own space) I have a flat on the next floor,his mum has a flat next to mine and his sister has a flat on the next floor.

We have a 6 month old baby and a 7 year old DS.

His sister is a heroin addict who is in and out of rehab, currently back here,still using. Her DS 5 years old and DD 12 years old are currently visiting for the holidays. They both live with their (different) fathers, a few hours drive away.

My DH idolises his DM and DS. They do EVERYTHING together - meals,shopping, DIY projects, watching Netflix etc. I am always with the kids - they live in my flat with me.

About a week ago,I had a catastrophic falling out with his DS,as she is getting Class A drugs delivered to the house and leaves dirty needles in weird places,where the children could potentially find them.

I also had enough of her awful,volatile, angry,entitled behaviour and just couldn't stand being around her anymore.

My DH worships the ground his DM and DS walk on. They are his 'actual' family. No one wants me here. I hate all of them.

My DH treats me awfully. All he does is criticise me or make fun of me. Telling me I can't cook, don't dress well...he is only nice to me when he wants sex,which I just never want. I exclusively breastfeed my baby and co-sleep and am exhausted from that.

I feel trapped and controlled and also,I am so so lonely. I don't have any friends here. I can speak the language OK,but definitely not well enough to form any kind of friendship.

I just feel so fed up and worn down and tired.

AIBU?

Be careful who you call if they can monitor your phone. I agree with the earlier suggestion: be devious.

Back pain, esp lower back pain, can be very hard to find on xrays or MRIs so they don't automatically know you're making it up. That gets you out of the house to see a doctor. On the way, you could stop at a consulate / refuge / some place where you can get information on how to get out with your children.

God be with you.

the hague convention not citizenship means OP needs to stay in Austria while the children are entitled to British passports they are habitually resident in Austria and therefore can not be removed from Austria to leave elsewhere without Father's or Court's consent. Travelling to Uk with them would be considered kidnapping and would make her long term prospects or custody less likely.
however OP can move to another flat across town or in the next town and the Dad can see kids EOW or whatever is decided by Austrian courts
You need an Austrian lawyer / social worker living with kids in a drug filled environment is not good

The embassy does not exist to help you take children out of a country or to replace normal legal services

@Nearlythere1
They will probably be sent back. My young unmarried friend was violently thrown out into the streets by her dp who then "stole" their baby, which she had stupidly had in this European country.

She managed to get the baby back and managed to escape back to UK. She has evidence of severe DV back in the European country but yeah they were all sent back within 6 months.

Heartbreaking and unbelievable, so unless you are a solicitor please don't fill her head up with untruths. She needs to find a local solicitor and go down the legal route.

@TeacupDrama while that is true surely they can at least give some sort of protection till arrangements can be made OP and children are still British citizens and are clearly in danger here

actually I think embassy will advise OP to ring social services or their Austrian equivalent, the police is DV involved or unlawful detention or a women's refuge

embassies primarily act as intergovernment agencies to look after the interests of the UK as a whole when it comes to individual citizens this is dealt with my the consular department

consular duties
"Typical consular duties performed by consular posts include issuing passports and emergency documents; registering births and deaths; handling cases of child abduction and forced marriages; and assisting Britons detained or imprisoned, who have fallen ill or been the victim of a crime. Their activities are governed by the Vienna Convention on Consular Relations 1963.
they are not a substitute for lawyers, banks hospitals insurance police etc

Austrian family law is not dissimilar to the law in UK if parents have joint custody there must be a first home ( where child spends more than 50% of time) the second home(NRP) must pay maintenance to first home (NRP) must not be an occasional visitor and time should be divided between caring and leisure time and should be agreed by both but is not the decision of first home parent ( ie 1 parent doesn't do all the caring and decisions and the other the leisure and paying) and in things is generally regarded as an equal parent in order to relocate the other parent must be informed and has a right to object a court may be involved to agree whether objection is upheld a bit like a prohibited steps order in the UK

Hague convention prevents taking children out of the country or sends them back. Op can leave but risks being parted from them. She needs specialist legal advice.

Hope you're ok OP, please tread carefully, gather evidence and get specialist advice from your local women's aid and embassy

Contact the embassy. They can recommend a solicitor who speaks English.
Take photos of what's going on.
I don't think this is quite as hopeless a situation as you believe it to be.

@NorahBlanche how are you doing?

Re. the house, a close friend was in the same position after marrying an Austrian man. In spite of paying the deposit and mortgage for several years, something in the Contract meant that when she split from her husband, her MIL got the whole house. My friend just had to walk away.

They take class A drug abuse, women’s safety and child safety very seriously in Austria. Call the police and get the SIL arrested if you have to. (A blood test will prove who the needles and drugs belong to.) You can then tell the police that DP has given your passport to his mother and has been holding you and DC hostage. It would not be the first time they will have seen this.

I know you said you have no one in the U.K. but it's your home country and surely you would feel much better being here where things are more familiar to you and you can reach out to places to help you - GP and other signposted services. You could secure benefits whilst looking for a job.

There must be a refuge or embassy where you can go for help.

You are being coerced and controlled not just by your 'partner' but also by his mother. It seems they have dehumanised you and view you as nothing more than a rent-a-womb/childminder.

Could OP contact the British police? tell them you are being held against your will and the children's passports have been taken to prevent you leaving.