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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of this woman and her (unsolicited) skincare advice?

150 replies

abstractmaths · 19/04/2019 18:51

A couple of months ago, I joined an indoor cycling studio, and became acquainted with this woman whose weekly timetable coincided perfectly with mine. All is great, aside from the fact that she can’t seem to quit talking about my skin despite me telling her (repeatedly) “thanks, but no thanks”!

For context, I had the most awful cystic acne from my late teens all the way till my early 20s, which left me with a whole bunch of boxcar and rolling scars. The discolouration is all gone now, thank goodness. Unfortunately though, despite having undergone multiple rounds of fractional lasers etc, the “textured” scarring has only had maybe a 30% improvement? Either way, it’s not ideal, especially under fluorescent and/or angled lighting.

Anyway, back to this woman. I usually get the classic lines of “have you tried drinking more water”, “do you wash your face frequently”, “have you tried x”, “do you use y” and the like. Scarring aside, my skin is somewhat great now (I’m sure she’ll scoff if I ever say this out loud), so none of this is actually in any way helpful. I know she probably means well, but it just comes across as incredibly condescending and I’m pretty much done with it at this point.

AIBU?

OP posts:
abstractmaths · 23/04/2019 09:50

She's just made a Facebook post about people who don't support "female-owned businesses"! Hmm

OP posts:
QuickThinkOfAName · 23/04/2019 09:55

Oh I wouldnt be able to resist responding to her Facebook... but then I am raging for you

The more rational me says leave it. Everyone she has minimal contact with will know exactly what she’s like and already face her hard sell at every opportunity. Block her and move on.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 23/04/2019 09:57

Just send a laugh comment to her fb

DointItForTheKids · 23/04/2019 10:03

I'd be doing a response about women not supporting other women by making negative, unpleasant, highly insensitive, unsolicited and unwanted personal comments about a woman's appearance simply in order to push product when the person concerned has expressed no interest whatsoever and who then shared personal data with unknown people without their permission.

abstractmaths · 23/04/2019 10:04

Don't worry, I'm not going to bother with a response! Not keen on receiving a public Facebook "education" about why I'm wrong. Grin

OP posts:
Scrumptiousbears · 23/04/2019 10:06

Unfriend her and block her. So pissed off for you. 😡

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 23/04/2019 10:37

Let me guess - Nuskin, Arbonne or possibly Actilabs? All deranged pushy fuckers. So glad you reported her.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 23/04/2019 11:08

She's just made a Facebook post about people who don't support "female-owned businesses"!

Ah, she's playing 'the Shoesmith' card.

Your sex/race/gender/whatever should not present any barrier to your equal opportunities to run a business or do a job; HOWEVER, it is not to be used to excuse your own outrageous behaviour in doing that job.

So doing can be very damaging to the prospects of other people who share the same characteristic and merely serves to give fuel and perceived 'justification' to the prejudices and discriminatory assumptions of others.

People don't dislike you because you're a woman ; people dislike you because you're an appallingly behaved, rude, nasty, boundary-destroying woman. Their feelings would be exactly the same if you happened to be a man with same repulsive chosen characteristics.

abstractmaths · 23/04/2019 11:15

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap, close - It's the one that starts with 'Y'!

OP posts:
TheInvestigator · 23/04/2019 11:27

@abstractmaths

I think that line about "not supporting female own businesses" is part of their training because I got the exact same thing.

I'm a female and own my business, and I buy my clothes, jewellery, furnishings, stationery etc from independent businesses and artists but I refused to go to one of those party things and this woman started messaging me about not supporting independent women and all that other crap and linked my business page to a Facebook post she wrote about how I wouldn't support her by hosting or going to a party. She very quickly got a letter from my solicitor! But it must be something they are told to say.

CoraPirbright · 23/04/2019 11:40

I hope your gym bans the bitch.

How on earth do these MLM people think this is an ok way to behave?? Total brainwashing!

PunkAssMoFo · 23/04/2019 11:51

Bombard her with links to the evils of mlm and see how she likes it...

paytoplayscam.com/why-mlm-is-bad-and-why-you-should-avoid-it

angieloumc · 23/04/2019 11:54

It's absolutely ridiculous but these MLM people don't take no for an answer. I had to end a 40 year friendship; after months of trying to sell me juice plus my (ex) friend told me it was bad parenting to not give my then 10yo juice plus chewables!

KurriKurri · 23/04/2019 12:26

I feel for you - so glad you have reported her. These MLM sellers are just awful. My driving instructor was one, I was trapped ina car with her trying to concentrate on my driving while she spouted on about Arbonne, it was dreadful and I had to be basically very forthright to get her to stop. Even then she would still try to sneak it into conversations or try to get me to badger mutual friends which obviously I refused to do. I ended driving lessons with her in the end (she was a crap teacher as well as a pushy loon). i found her completely exhausting and a bit sinister (like a Stepford wife).
Again she portrayed her self as a hard working business woman who was just trying to make a living and anyone who didn't buy her expensive shite was deliberately trying to scupper her chances.

I hope this woman has finally got the hint that you want her to push off. (also sympathies for anyone having to listen to idiots saying stuff about your skin. I get a lot of nasty infected spots on my face - I've got a very weak immune system, and am on drugs which cause spots. I can't basically fight off normal bacteria on my skin, so am often covered in sore infections. I've been told ' I thought only teenagers got spots (I'm 59) 'I hope you don't pick them' (I don't - why would I they are bloody sore) 'drink lots of water' 'Cut out sugar' etc etc etc.' It seems to be one of those things people feel they are entitled to comment on. It just shows they are nasty.)

Hearhere · 23/04/2019 12:39

She's bat shit!
that said I would have such a lot of fun with someone like this, why have I never been targeted?

sue51 · 23/04/2019 13:55

Lets hope she gets the message now. Selling over priced crap and trying to recruit other people into the cult is not female empowerment.

ReanimatedSGB · 23/04/2019 16:23

Well done for reporting her. The reason people (particularly MLMers) behave like this is because a) they reckon that enough other people are shy/people-pleasing/conflict-avoidant that they will give in and buy stuff in order to be 'nice' or b) they are desperate, because they have sunk far more than they can afford into this 'business' and are under constant pressure from their upline. If it's the latter, it's still not your problem and you owe the silly cow nothing.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 23/04/2019 16:30

I KNEW it!! First thought was a sales pitch.

SlappingJoffrey · 23/04/2019 16:41

I just knew as soon as I saw the OP that it'd be an MLM hawker.

proseccoandbooks · 23/04/2019 16:44

So furious on your behalf and really glad you have reported her. The gym should take serious measures, this is getting out of limits.

I really feel that lately, in the past few years or so, people have stopped having limits or caring about your feelings. I've been told some things that have left me 😱.

That's why I consider I have a family and a few close friends and I really don't feel like making new friends just because.

lhw92 · 23/04/2019 16:45

What a vile woman urgh Angry

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 23/04/2019 16:48

A friend has just started selling stuff,she's like a different person and I've started avoiding her and hidden her on FB,it's like a bloody cult.

Dressless · 23/04/2019 16:49

What a loon. As an aside-have you considered fillers for your depressed scars? I have some acne scarring on my checks which doesn’t look great and am considering my options.

lhw92 · 23/04/2019 16:57

Also, up to my mid-twenties I had utterly amazing skin. I drank booze like a fish, hardly any water, lived on fast food, ate loads of chocolate and slept in my makeup most nights. Diet has little impact on skin. I wish people would stop spouting that shit.

As someone with cystic acne and eczema, it may sound ridiculous, but it honestly makes me feel better when people can admit their good skin was down to luck/genes.
I know plenty of people without skin conditions who are deluded into thinking they are doing something right to deserve their skin, meanwhile people like me must be doing something wrong. Even some relatives/friends, who may mean well have said to me I must stop eating or doing _

I know that there are some individuals who are lucky to improve their chronic skin conditions with diet alone, but anecdotal correlations does not equate to causation.

Even Dr Anjali Mahto, a consultant dermatologist, who has cystic acne has been food shamed by people who have no credentials whatsoever

CoraPirbright · 02/05/2019 15:16

Any update OP? Did the gym speak to her (and hopefully ban her!)?

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