To be sick of this woman and her (unsolicited) skincare advice?

[abstractmaths]

A couple of months ago, I joined an indoor cycling studio, and became acquainted with this woman whose weekly timetable coincided perfectly with mine. All is great, aside from the fact that she can’t seem to quit talking about my skin despite me telling her (repeatedly) “thanks, but no thanks”!

For context, I had the most awful cystic acne from my late teens all the way till my early 20s, which left me with a whole bunch of boxcar and rolling scars. The discolouration is all gone now, thank goodness. Unfortunately though, despite having undergone multiple rounds of fractional lasers etc, the “textured” scarring has only had maybe a 30% improvement? Either way, it’s not ideal, especially under fluorescent and/or angled lighting.

Anyway, back to this woman. I usually get the classic lines of “have you tried drinking more water”, “do you wash your face frequently”, “have you tried x”, “do you use y” and the like. Scarring aside, my skin is somewhat great now (I’m sure she’ll scoff if I ever say this out loud), so none of this is actually in any way helpful. I know she probably means well, but it just comes across as incredibly condescending and I’m pretty much done with it at this point.

AIBU?

she came up to me and told me that she "understood" and that I needn't be "ashamed".

What a grade A bitch.
You have nothing to 'not need to be ashamed' about.
The overbearing, malicious, emotional vampire has PLENTY to be ashamed of.

Well done for fucking her off in your reply :)

Just ignore her, blank her, or say 'Do you mean to be so rude?'

Sorry this is really not nice.

I’d be tempted to do it back.
“Gosh, your hair is so dry. Do you use conditioner? What about Moroccan oil? Do you ever use moisturising hair masks? How often do you get it trimmed?”

I wouldn't look for physical sidelines such as hair to refer to - just go straight to her actual elephant-in-the-room problem.

"Gosh, you're soooooo rude, aren't you?! You really should do something about your unpleasant personality and your inability to A, accept people for their looks and B, to comprehend their repeated requests to you to stop continually making negative comments and criticisms about things they couldn't change, whether they wish they could or not. Honestly, this would be basic common sense to the vast majority of people, but maybe you'd benefit from some intensive evening classes in rudimentary social interaction. Would you like me to help you to see if we can find a good trainer or counsellor who could give you the help you need?"

We hear this so many times. Outrageously offensive person repeatedly causes outrageous offence and nice, decent, reasonable person doesn't like to call them out on it for fear of causing a small amount of reactionary offence.

If there's any awkwardness, it's all of her own making. What's the worst that she can do if she takes exception to being told to stop being rude? Refuse to talk to you ever again? That's a win!!!

I think it’s time to get blunt. You won’t be the one causing an atmosphere by assertively telling her to leave you alone.

I may know this person. My eczema is so awful I’m on immunosuppressants. But just a little dab of this certain cream or oats in the bloody bath will solve it all. Gee whizz. Wish my dermatologist had thought of that.

God, how irritating.

I'd do a Tinkly laugh
🙄 Because it’s impossible just to straight out ask someone to stop?

Ugh I feel ya OP! I've suffered from cystic acne for years and only just getting it under control with roaccutane now.

I cant abide people giving unsolicited skincare advice.

I always find that the people giving the advice are people who have zero skin issues and cant understand that using a neutrogena exfoliater and eating antioxidant rich foods aren't going to help!!

I hope that now your skin is better you have confidence in yourself to know that shes talking utter shite and that you look great!

Congratulations, you have yourself a complete bitch a frenemy.

Jump down to the section on Your Critics and see what you can tick off.

I think I would go with a simple “you are being very rude” possibly, if I was brave enough, followed up with “I don’t understand why you’ve fixated on me, but it needs to stop”

Maybe she'll finally stop, now that she thinks you're "ashamed". If she brings it up again, I'd have to say something like, "Actually, I'm kind of an expert on my skin, at this point, and I'm happy with it as it is, thanks!", which wouldn't be too confrontational, to start things off.

I also like the "don't need your advice" t-shirt idea, though she's probably not sharp enough to pick up on that unless you literally point to it the next time she tries to "help".

Oh my god @marshmallowkittycat etc I think you're right!

That "party" is a sales pitching session, isn't it?

That’s a gift, that message!

‘Oh, that’s why you’ve been so unspeakably rude about my skin, you’re an MLM idiot. Now I know please stop speaking to me. For good. From now.’

Text back “no thanks, but I guess this does explain why you keep bringing up my skin when we meet. Can you stop doing that?”

A text is good because it gives you the chance of a good out. 'No thank you. Actually, I've noticed you keep mentioning my skin. I'm not ashamed of my scarring and am pleased with my complexion. I'd like to ask you please to refrain from commenting on it. I find it quite impolite and intrusive. I'm sure you'll understand. xOP'.

"For the love of god stop commenting on my skin (or I'll....)

Tell her bluntly: stop harassing me about my skin. I know why you’re doing it and I’m not interested. Don’t speak to me again. And if she continues, tell the gym management she is pestering you as a sales pitch and it’s putting you off coming. You won’t be the only one she has pulled that stunt with, I’m sure.

Some people are just rude fuckers. Dd 12 has quite a lot of spots atm and more than one person has asked if she washes her face

I like merrygold's suggestion. And she's right, it absolutely is a gift! Brilliant! God, how utterly unsubtle can this woman be - it's not even genuine twattyness, it's monetised twattyness which is even worse! What was she trying to do - make you feel bad, make you feel how 'noticeable' it is - just in order to get you to buy her shitty make-up?! What a cow.

If she's MLM-motivated, she'll be pachydermic, so feel free to tell her to fuck right off.

And when she goes on about water, and this has been advocated upthread, it does nothing to improve your skin:

www.bbc.com/future/story/20120903-is-drinking-water-good-for-skin

www.dougcookrd.com/the-drink-8-glasses-of-water-a-day-myth-debunked-part-1/

www.dougcookrd.com/the-drink-8-glasses-of-water-a-day-myth-debunked-part-1/

Well first of all tell the interfering twat that washing, creams and serums don't do a thing for atrophic scarring so take her unhelpful advice elsewhere.

Also had laser but with 0 improvement OP. :(

Omg, what did you reply to that?

Also who writes out "slash" ...

Also, up to my mid-twenties I had utterly amazing skin.

I drank booze like a fish, hardly any water, lived on fast food, ate loads of chocolate and slept in my makeup most nights.

Diet has little impact on skin. I wish people would stop spouting that shit.

Yep, I reckon it's a sales party. Go and splat a cupcake in her face and see how she likes face cream...

This is like the time I had a gym induction and the trainer tried to convince me that the reason I suffered from migraines was because I often wear my hair in a ponytail. How I wished the migraine clinic had thought to tell me that before I spent years trying out different medications