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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder what exactly middle class and upper class Mums do to be skinny

999 replies

Humpy84 · 19/04/2019 04:18

I am a Mum of a two year old turning three July. Not an age that he can be packed up for long walks in buggy.

I have gained weight and feeling overwhelmed by everything.

I have noticed and I think it is obvious that middle and upper class Mums tend to be slimmer.

I want to know if you identify this and if so what is your weekly shopping routine, meal plan, how do you exercise with or without toddler/s, tips and tricks etc, diet plans, etc etc.

OP posts:
zigzagzig · 19/04/2019 11:59

I also go to mum and baby exercise classeclasses which are expensive and very middle class. Although not unfriendly or full of stick thin people looking glamorous.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 19/04/2019 12:00

I'm very middle class and quite plump. All my friends are very middle/upper middle and are a range of sizes tbh.

KittyInTheCradle · 19/04/2019 12:02

I know this isn't what you asked, but sounds as if you are being quite hard on yourself, seeing lots of slim/fashionable women and feeling different to them.

Obviously there are some benefits to being a healthy weight, but you don't need to judge yourself harshly for gaining weight, especially after having a baby and having gone through a period of depression! Being less slim and having less expensive clothes certainly doesn't make you less good company or less interesting!

I think probably what other people are saying about the rich/thin phenomenon is true though, I have a couple of wealthy friends and they have nannies who cook for the family, even though they don't work! So life is a lot easier! But again, don't think I'd like that lifestyle anyway!

BarrenFieldofFucks · 19/04/2019 12:02

Admittedly none of us are bordering obese, if that's what you mean. I'm about a 16, but am quite tall and well proportioned so carry it well.

LaurieMarlow · 19/04/2019 12:09

The type of women I’m envisaging when I say upper middle/upper is Pippa Middleton though I she’d be at the upper end of the wealth bracket.

Privately educated, degree, probably doesn’t work much, family money, husband earning well into six figures and beyond.

CaptainButtock · 19/04/2019 12:09

They eat fuck all 🙁
Particularly if they’re the wrong side of 40 (bitter voice of experience)

stopgap · 19/04/2019 12:21

Being time rich is just as vital as having money. And certainly @CaptainButtock has a point. The number of times I’ve been out with women who just pushed food around on the plate is depressing.

I’m 42 and am within the demographic you describe. Not only do I eat everything organic, but I can afford to do a Paleo meal delivery service, I have a personal trainer so that I don’t just look skinny but strong, and there is a lot of luck involved, as I take after my tall and skinny dad.

DameDoom · 19/04/2019 12:35

LaurieMarlow I always think Pippa M looks very ordinary. She is super fit and toned but doesn't have that glow you associate with wealth and her clothes are shocking but I know what you mean.

DameDoom · 19/04/2019 12:41

CaptainButtock they will but it will be low carb and probs quite strict. I am 5'6 and 9 stone 4 but have to work like a bastard on my diet. I am not middle class but am educated and not poor. I have one day off a week so am going for a pizza and having wine tonight. I could not do that every night otherwise I'd pile on the pounds. I prioritise being slim.

Deadringer · 19/04/2019 12:49

This thread makes for very interesting reading and there is a lot of good advice on it. However two words up thread have really resonated with me. Valuing yourself. When you are poor, not particularly well educated, fat and struggling with everyday life you might not necessarily prioritize your own health, never mind your weight. If you feel worthless being fat is just another thing to beat yourself up about, and people who are educated and well off are unlikely to ever really get that. This isn't aimed at you obviously op, just an observation.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 19/04/2019 13:02

I posted that about valuing yourself along with a few others

I don’t think many who have grown up in a MC background get this - working class are still demonised by our society - knife crime, single parents on benefits and so on

I was bought up by my working class grandparents and it was so ingrained in them to feel happy with their lot rather than aspire to something better that impacts so much of how you view yourself and how society views you and is still ingrained in our society

That and lack of time and money and just getting by the extra effort it takes to feel and look good often means lifestyle changes which is really difficult when money and time is always lacking

LaurieMarlow · 19/04/2019 13:09

I always think Pippa M looks very ordinary.

Her face doesn’t suit the weight she’s at. She looks quite old and gaunt. Kate has a rounder face and that seems to hold up better.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 19/04/2019 13:13

I posted about valuing yourself and I agree that it's not something poorer people are taught to do or to expect. But the OP sounds pretty middle class herself - doing a postgrad law degree, husband has a good job, live in a nice area - so I read her post as wondering why she is struggling more than her peers. And I think it's really easy as a mother to slip into letting your needs come way below everyone else's.

DameDoom · 19/04/2019 13:18

I had a lot of counselling which eventually instilled self-worth. I used to think I was a piece of shit but now think I am borderline amazing. I also see the good and worth in other people a lot more too. It's easier to get into these routines when you genuinely like yourself but it can be hard to get there and you might need help along the way. Asking and getting it is not a weakness. I really hope you get yourself sorted OP, you are honestly worth it.

DameDoom · 19/04/2019 13:20

Fucking hell - I sound dead middle class. Am honestly not.

turnedToInsult · 19/04/2019 13:27

It is a class issue simply because of the correlation between class and obesity.

As a skinny and middle class mother, I eat well. I have time to exercise. I have gym membership. I am surrounded by healthier-sized people.

GregoryPeckingDuck · 19/04/2019 13:28

I just don’t eat when I don’t have to. I’ve got a bit fat recently because it’s exam season but at other times I don’t eat unless I’m going to faint. It’s eother that or exercise and I’m not keen on exercise. Most people really don’t need anywhere near the reccomended intake, more so if they are trying to loose weight. I really should take up exercise but I just don’t have the willpower.

IamTheMeg · 19/04/2019 13:30

I think a lot of it is about self worth, expectations and also tribalism.

What about anorexia? It can be a middle class problem.

BlueCornishPixie · 19/04/2019 13:30

People who are saying healthy food is cheap, sure some healthy food is but generally nice healthy food is more expensive.

Overweight people still eat fruit and vegetables, but let's be honest bananas, carrots are pretty dull to eat all the time. We can't survive off brocoli alone. It's the things with the vegetables that cost

My thin rich friends will eat for example a tuna steak with salad, breakfast is berries etc. All delicious, satisfying food. But expensive.

There are vegetable that are cheap but it's pretty soul destroying to just eat veg. No one I know who is slim will just eat veg.

I come from a working/lower middle class background and I am now in a more upper middle class profession, where the majority of people are slim. If I go out for brunch with work friends literally everyone will have something healthy like granola or avocado on toast. If I go out with home friends people will have fry ups, some will have healthy but not everyone. With the first group their is the peer pressure to eat healthy food, with the second there isn't. They also all do gym exercise daily.

It's also about the jobs people do, better paid jobs although stressful I think are generally more satisfying. Lower paid jobs are more drudgery, less satisfying. People are more bored and are less likely to want to eat healthy or go to the gym.

People with money have time to pay for childcare, but also activities so more variety and less boredom. They have more money for treats, so if you only have £5 for a treat then you might buy a slice of cake or a McDonald's, if you have £100 you might get a haircut or a pair of shoes.

People who go out to eat for a treat are more likely to chose something unhealthy, because they want to make it worth it. Whilst people who eat out all the time might have something healthier, because they eat out all the time. Also cheap restaurants tend to be less healthy.

It's also a self forfilling thing, if you are slim you will get used to eating less so eat less.

There is a correlation between weight and class, you can't pretend their isn't. That doesn't mean if you are poor/working class you will be overweight but you are more likely to be.

Ellapaella · 19/04/2019 13:36

I've been in a situation where financially I was very hard up and now I'm fortunate enough to be financially very secure. I've been a size 10 the whole time, my weight hasn't changed. I've also had 3 children in that time.
I don't go to the gym but have always enjoyed walking and try to run a couple of times a week. I walk everywhere that I can and only take the car when necessary.
I'm aware of my weight and always have been so think about what I'm eating. I try to eat sensible portions and try not to snack on rubbish and empty calories.
When I had hardly any money I would still eat healthily. I honestly can't say the kind of food I have eaten has changed at all.

DameDoom · 19/04/2019 13:43

I don't see how vegetables are boring - you can do anything with them but then again it comes down to education and knowing there are a million ways with a carrot and there really are.

KittyInTheCradle · 19/04/2019 13:48

Also I've been both underweight and overweight, the main factors I found were smoking and drinking! When I quit smoking I gain weight, when I drink beer (I mean a few on a Friday/Saturday) I also gain weight - especially cos even two beers make me a bit hungover and want a big fatty lunch next day.

I had the same income when skinny and fat just my body responds EXTREMELY to the above... Weird

KittyWindbag · 19/04/2019 14:17

@bluecornishpixie really well-put. I totally agree with your observations, I think some people want to put their heads in the sand and pretend class doesn’t exist. Of course you get the anecdotal ‘I’ve had four kids, been on JSA and been on six figures and always maintained a size 8 and always managed to find healthy affordable appetising food’ stories. But they’re the exception that proves the rule in my opinion.

DameDoom · 19/04/2019 14:43

There are two adults in my classroom -same age, very similar family incomes jointly but very different attitudes to food. She spends more than I do but eats non-stop and it is all processed. Drinking Pepsi Max in the cupboard is seen as an hilarious badge of honour and the amount of sugary lattes is astounding. She will not eat veg apart from tinned peas. Her entire family have a look of pasty malnourishment.

FrazzledCareerWoman · 19/04/2019 15:07

@Humpy84 i agree with the pp who said slim people need to acknowledge how little they eat. Unless you are exercising intensely 5 days per week, your "maintenance calories" will be a lot lower in your 30s than in your 20s pre kids. Also it is easy to not notice how much you are eating!

Using a tracker like MFP is a ball ache unless you eat pretty much the same stuff every day. So that's what I do. While I was on maternity leave I did quite a bit of exercise (mums fitness classes 2-3x per week where you can take the baby) and walked at least 30 min daily with the buggy and I lost half the baby weight in 6 months . For breakfast I'd have coffee and a protein bar. Lunch poached eggs and avo on toast. Dinner whatever like pasta or pizza and salad (quick and easy). I drank a beer nearly every night.

Now I am back at work and I got stuck; I even put on weight the first month I was back. I could not do the walking and exercise classes, although I try to do one at the weekends. I have had to decrease my calorie intake massively to get the weight loss started again. I now fast between 8pm and 12 noon except for black coffee in the morning. Lunch I have 400 cal sushi , salad or meal replacement shake (Huel). Dinner I still have whatever is going at home but small portion. My daily calories now around 1000. I'm 5'6 and 33yo with 2 kids. I still have around 1-1.5 stone to lose (I put on 3.5 stone in both pregnancies)..

I hope this helps and agree that husband shouldn't hog the gym time! You need yours too. Good luck