AIBU to ask what happened to you in your life that you never thought would?

[Flyinga]

Good, bad, ugly etc.

Domestic abuse

Domestic abuse and being a single mother

@Blueberrybell

I have accepted now I will never have a proper ‘loving relationship’ with anyone, my childhood was too toxic for that to ever happen.

I'm on exactly the same page as you. I want a dog though, not a cat (I'm allergic to them). But there's a certain peace that comes with acceptance I think.

Bad

• wanting distance from my sisters, they drain me.

Good
-being happily married after a difunctional upbringing

So many sad stories on here

Makes me sad to see how many mention domestic violence/abuse. I think for many, they didn’t expect it as there was no education around it out there, no awareness of the signs. I so hope that will now start to change with increased awareness and the new coercive control laws. I hate to think of our children and grandchildren going through what so many of us did.

I'm not one bit surprised I ended up in an abusive relationship, considering my childhood. Looking back, it would have been more surprising if I hadn't, at some point.

The fact I ended it and am now a single (by choice), independent, happy working (part time) single mother (only to one child now instead of two) who doesn't need to rely on anyone (though I'm lucky that I have a lot of support, should I ever need it), is probably the most surprising bit of all. I didn't think that would happen, and that I would recognise and work on my co dependency issues.

I won't tolerate any of that shit again, not if the guys arse is studded with diamonds. Some mistakes you don't make twice! And I have such an aversion to getting pregnant again, I think I'd rather become a lesbian, than risk it for an inadequate orgasmbiscuit, if I ever had to stop birth control, for any reason, or be celibate. Yet 10 years ago I thought I'd either have no kids and live somewhere exotic, or have a whole brood and be a married stay at home mum. I was a romantic and wanted to get married, but not anymore, I'm far too cynical/realistic these days (and divorce is ridiculously expensive).

Never having had someone to really love me...and not being married or with s significant other.

Breast Cancer - never in a million years did I expect that curve ball

Never dreamed that I would ever have 2 beautiful girls. Best thing ever. Wouldn't think I would lose my mum so early, which ended up destroying our entire family to the point I am NC with both the excuses of human beings that were once my sisters!

Bad: Being told that I was dying and had 10 minutes to live due to HELLP Syndrome, unless I agreed to terminate my pregnancy straight away. I was 27 weeks pregnant.

Good: That baby will be 20 years old next month and he has made me so much stronger than I'd ever thought I could be

Bad: Being Raped, discovering what emotional abuse was while I was going through it. secondary infertility,

Good: After going through a shit 12 months, I have discovered how determined I am to get my family back on track after 4 years of being shit upon by my own mental health, my DS, my partner despite after 9 years he still leaves his fucking t-shirts on the floors, everything else he can put in the wash basket, he is just blind to his fucking t-shirts and that is literally the only thing I have to complain about him.

We are in a good place now, we just need to take advantage of that, which both of us seem to be unable to do because we keep thinking but what if...... We just need to get out of that mindset

Never thought I'd support my then suicidal
Husband through his clinical depression whilst single handedly working full time and looking after autistic twins, only for him to throw it all in my face and leave me for the first woman who fluttered her eyelashes once he had recovered.

We're much better off, just didn't seem like it at the time!

💐 for everyone on here. It's very humbling to read what others have experienced.

I never thought my parents would split up in their 60's, sell the family home and both move in with other people.

I never thought I would get to my forties without having had a real job or relationship.

I never thought I would survive that long.

bad - sexual assault, rape, abusive marriages
good - going to university, having 3 lovely children, travelling the world with them

Never thought I'd become disabled. I was always so fit, walked for miles across London regularly, very busy and full of energy, intended to work until I died - the idea of retirement appalled me, never got bored! Reality is I haven't been able to work properly for nearly 20 years and have been bored stupid for the last 15.

Didn't expect to lose my my mum in a car crash when I was 14. Didn't expect to walk away from that car crash with no more than a scratch on my wrist and some bruising.

Didn't expect to get pregnant at 18 with my wonderful DS (I firmly believe had it not been for him I would have headed down an awful grief fuelled destructive path) or be pregnant at 21 with his equally as wonderful sister. The marriage to their father was inevitable but unfulfilling. I sometimes wonder what would have happened had I not had DS. He saved me.

I didn't expect to meet my first true love again 16 years later and to now be so completely and utterly in love. Life is the funniest thing

I read through the whole thread. Amazing accounts. What twists and turns life throws at us all.

I never thought I would get married and stay married for 23 years. Parents didn’t have a great marriage and it resulted in dad committing suicide at 59.

Never thought I would have children as I couldn’t see why anyone would want to inflict the misery on another generation. Then in late 20s decided I did but had 4 miss cs. Have two lovely older girls now 13,19.

Never ever thought at 50 I would end up as a university lecturer in a Russell group university. Mediocre at school but over the years I accrued academic qualifications and the right experience.

Had 6 children and became a millionaire

Never thought I’d find someone who loved me, let alone marry me. It ain’t perfect, but we are mostly happy together.

Never thought I’d attempt suicide because of my job. Still suffer because of it years later. Always believed I’d have a career, but I can’t even get a job.

Never thought I’d be beautiful. I was an ugly child and teenager, but for a period of about 4 years in my early 20s, I was truly beautiful. I didn’t see it at the time, and it didn’t last - I reverted to ugly from about 25. When I look at photos, I look like an older version of that ugly teenager, but in photos taken during that period, I look like a totally different person. I don’t get it, but I do appreciate that time now.

Never thought I’d end up so lonely, without friends. It’s physically painful at times. People’s lives just move in different directions.

Bad- abusive relationship.
Good- my wonderful dp, dd
Retraining

Getting pregnant before establishing my career

Loneliness.

We have moved around alot. I easily meet people but lack any real close friendships. I have a very busy life but feel very alone most of the time.

The good news is I have a job I like alot. For most of my life I hated my job roles and thought eorking eould always be a total chore so to have found something I enjoy is fantastic.

I never thought I'd still be skint, in debt and working a crappy job aged 40. I always thought I'd have a great career due to being pretty intelligent.

I never thought my parents would throw me out age 16

I never thought I'd end up in a 10 year relationships with an abusive criminal man. Always assumed I'd fall in love with a good guy, get married and have babies. I've never married and probably won't now

And I certainly never expected to be constantly battling mental health problems for over 25 years (and still ongoing)

I never thought I would become disabled and I never wanted to go to uni or work with children.

I ended up going to uni in my 30s and working as a teacher.