Mum keeps saying I won't be able to cope

[mcjx]

Being induced next week and whenever I say that I'm excited and I can't wait for him to be here, my mum always responds with things such as "you won't be saying that next week" and "I don't know how you're going to cope".

Obviously I know that labour is going to be painful and I'm not going into it being naive thinking it won't be. Our body's were created to do this and millions of babies have been born since the beginning of time and we have managed!

She's really putting me off and is being quite annoying about it - she hasn't even experienced a vaginal birth anyway as had 2 ELCS.

WIBU to tell her to stop with the comments and start being more supportive instead?

There’s no getting around the fact it’s painful but it is the most wonderful pain! Giving birth is an amazing experience, enjoy every moment. I personally preferred it when I gave birth with gas and air rather than when I had an epidural because I felt more in control but however you end up delivering just relax and know that you’ll be brilliant! ☺️

@DannyWallace @Hazlenutpie @CrunchyCrumpet

mcjx you do sound as bad as each other - don't get too cocky with your cesarean section comments as one in four inductions ends in an emergency cesarean.

Unless your mother went private or had a medical problem or trauma in her history it's fairly unlikely that she didn't labour with her first baby before a decision was made to do a section.

Having said that just tell her she's being deeply unhelpful and if she can't stop the put downs and doom and gloom predictions you won't be able to talk to her again until after the birth. She possibly is too lacking in self awareness to realise the impact her lack of filter is having which may be genetic

Mum also thinks c-sections are worse than a VB. totally understand that the aftermath may hurt but surely they can't be worse?

I've had both. The C-section was a breeze compared to VB.

You are going to be grand. Honestly i am a an absolute girls blouse with pain and had two induced births (early due risk of pre-eclampsia) and I was absolutely fine. I had an epidural the first time which failed to take and it was too late to sort it out. Painful but fine.

Suspect your mum may be (unhelpfully) projecting her own anxiety. Hopefully you can ignore it and carry on getting excited to meet baby boy. Congratulations!!

It might be that your mother is mistaking your positivity and optimism about the birth as being naive as to the pain and trauma it can sometimes be. In her mind perhaps She might be trying to bring you down to earth to prepare you a little?
Your gonna do great, however baby arrives, and it might sound silly, but try to enjoy it xx good luck hun

My DM also said I'd "fall apart" just like she did....

Well l didn't "fall apart" with either of my deliveries.... induced on due date with both of them and had only gas n air both times.

My mum just couldn't bear the thought of me doing something different or better than her. She has improved greatly over the year's but was very controlling and over powering as l grew up and tried the same when ds1 arrived..... until l put my foot down...

I have had two c sections. Personally, I think a 'natural birth' is a much harder road. But then I wasn't built for it - fear. Maybe she is scared on your behalf?

Either way, you are going to be a superstar. I didn't do it but I know our bodies can do amazing things. Women do amazing things. Tune her out, maybe a bit of distance and a good time for you to turn your focus to what comes next: your new family.

Good luck. You're going to be fine. 💪🏻

It’s not like you can pause halfway through. You will be absolutely fine!

Good luck

Your mother is giving opinions that are unhelpful and is being judgmental.

And you are doing the same. Best to keep your comments and judgment to yourself until you see how it all plays out for you. You might not have an ‘actual’ birth yourself.

I am largely with you. Whatever you do you will cope. Just go into it all with an open mind. Labour and childbirth is nothing if not unpredictable.

I did feel though that you were a little snippy about c-sections, whether or not you intended that.

I had two vaginal deliveries and one emergency caesarean. I coped with all, but I was relieved to get the caesarean for my third and final baby. I preferred it to both of my vaginal deliveries.

I don't know the circumstances of your mother's c-sections, but do be careful that you don't become one of those people who imply that women who have had c-sections have not actually given birth. We have.

I've had a vaginal birth (induction, forceps, episiotomy) with my first then a ELCS with my second due to placenta previa. I much preferred the CS!! The stitches after my first were horrendous and I struggled to walk for ages. I found people much more helpful following the CS due to the major operation factor. It just goes to show how every experience is different.

I would point out also - there's a whole world of difference between an emergency section to an elective one - you have to go through all the pain of labour and then go through major surgery - you get to enjoy it all . Whatever happens, as long as the baby comes out safely and you are ok then happy days. Good luck OP!

Mine was the other way around. She had a VD with all and I had a CS. So she thought she was superior.

I was getting fed up with the comments and one day she did this in front of a whole lot of people at my home. So I got up and got one of dh sporting trophies and handed it to her, then gave her around of applause. She was humiliated but has never dared to put me down again.

Thank you everyone for your replies and apologies to those who thought I was being judgey - really wasn't intended.

but do be careful that you don't become one of those people who imply that women who have had c-sections have not actually given birth. We have

How very condescending. OP has not once implied anything of the sort. She stated a fact. STOP PROJECTING.

Nothing to worry about OP. Too easy!! You'll be great. Good luck

I hope it goes well for you, OP. That baby is coming out, one way or the other - to suggest you won't cope is a pure nonsense, as opting out is not a choice you can make. Every birth experience is different so there's no point in making predictions, even if they were helpful.

It’s perfectly obvious what the op means. If someone who hadn’t pushed a baby out of their vagina told me I couldn’t cope with pushing a baby out of my vagina I’d be . Same as I had an epidural so didn’t feel at all qualified to tell anyone whether they could manage a drug free birth (which I have unfortunately now also experienced).

FWIW ive had both and I found the csection much worse. But then it was an emcs not planned so that could be why.

Your mum is being really negative. Saying you won't cope is ridiculous - what's the other option? Time is going to pass and bub will come out one way or the other. Coping doesn't come in to it. What does she want you to say? "Oh yes, you are right mum, I've decided not to give birth then, I'll just stay pregnant forever".

My mum just couldn't bear the thought of me doing something different or better than her.

Erm. You can't do birth 'better.'

OP, I wonder if she's just trying to be realistic. I had the exact opposite in that my DM went on and on about how I'd be absolutely fine, it's all natural etc etc, bfeeding was a breeze. I had an EMCS and did bf but hated it and I felt resentful that no one was honest with me about how it could go. I felt as though I was completely unprepared. All the best OP, you'll be great!

@HopefulAgain10 - good for you. Bet that was hard though in front of others. Were they in agreement with you?

I have a low pain thresh hold... it’s a sanding joke in my family. I once fainted from trapped wind. So I got lots of those comments and I since I wondered myself how I would cope, I didn’t mind others saying it. As much as you say your Mum doesn’t know what a vaginal birth feels like, neither do you. Or a section, or weeks of no sleep or mastitis.... I could go on. My point is, lighten up and don’t be so cocky. If there’s one thing you will want after the birth is help and support. Out of interest, are you a young Mum to be? Just wondering if that’s why you Mum is worried you won’t cope.

She isn't being helpful at all, so you would be perfectly OK to tell her to STFU. Thing is, while most births are relatively OK, shit can go wrong. There are no guarantees. People rah-rahing about what a wonderful empowerfulzing natural process it is are not all that helpful, either, particularly if they are the sort who are going to get pissy andself-righteous and impy it's somehow your fault for not doing enough visualisations if you end up having to have a crash-c due to eclampsia.

Erm. You can't do birth 'better.

You don't know my mother....

She also tried to insist l had formula in the house as she couldn't breastfeed.... and therefore l wouldn't be able to either....

l managed just fine...