Mum keeps saying I won't be able to cope

[mcjx]

Being induced next week and whenever I say that I'm excited and I can't wait for him to be here, my mum always responds with things such as "you won't be saying that next week" and "I don't know how you're going to cope".

Obviously I know that labour is going to be painful and I'm not going into it being naive thinking it won't be. Our body's were created to do this and millions of babies have been born since the beginning of time and we have managed!

She's really putting me off and is being quite annoying about it - she hasn't even experienced a vaginal birth anyway as had 2 ELCS.

WIBU to tell her to stop with the comments and start being more supportive instead?

Maybe I’ve read a judgy tone that wasn’t meant to be there.

I don’t like the way sometimes women are judged for needing a c section. I really hope it all goes well for you.

Just stop commenting in front of her, OP.

She would piss me off too.

@Scanon Possibly, hadn't thought of it that way. The comments are still irritating though, it puts me off more than anything

I had all this crap from my parents and I was delighted to cope just fine, as I know you will too OP. I wonder if your mother's sort of weirdly jealous of you?

@PurpleDaisies No judgement at all towards those who have had sections, whatever is needed to keep mum and baby safe! Thank you so much

Why can't you say that to her?

' how would you know, you didn't do labour'

Maybe she feels like it's a reflection on her or she's projecting her fears of labour.

Fwiw, I quite enjoyed my induction. It was painful but it was fun as well. A good supporting team of people around you really helps. Good luck

@ purple
I had to have an emergency c-section and that comment is incredibly hurtful from the op.
I’m sure I still gave birth to my daughter.

@megrichardson maybe, she's also tried to put me off BF'ing (to no avail). I'm still determined as ever to make it work

@mcjx your mum knows nothing. Every person handles labour in their own way. Everyone said I’d be fine because I’d had gallstones which is supposedly up there on the pain level. Is it bollocks!!! I begged for an epidural and certainly didn’t handle the pain well.

Then I know friends who are total wimps generally who rocked labour with a bit of gas and air.

Nobody knows how they’ll handle labour but go in with an open mind and a closed ear to any naysayers.

Don't go with the c-section / vaginal birth argument. That way lies only arguments and resentment.
Give saying to her 'look mum, whichever way this baby is born, I'm really hoping you will support me' a go.
Hopefully she will realise that you need her support, not her criticism.
I hope it all goes well for you.

I was determined to make breast feeding work but it didn’t happen unfortunately. You so seem very judgmental OP, especially as someone who has never laboured.

My section hurt waaaay more than either of my vaginal deliveries

Ignore her.

I opted for an epidural wayyyy before even going into labor, got one immediately and loved the experience of childbirth. Obviously I can't comment on the pain of getting through it but I'd hands down do the childbirth part over the pregnancy part again.

Was kinda with you until you started getting all negative about c sections.
For the record I had a 5lbs baby by c section and a 10lbs baby vaginally with gas and air and I needed induction, forceps, episiotomy. I’d take the vaginal delivery any time over the c section.

It was painful during the section as it took ages I was in theatre about 4 hours and the spinal started wearing off. Then there’s a long recovery afterwards.

Maybe if your mum is sensing your attitude around c sections and you’re giving off an air of the fact you’re going to do it ‘properly’ you might be making her feel a bit shit about her deliveries which is why she’s making petty digs at you.

FWIW the entire world seemed to think they were allowed an opinion on how difficult my delivery would be, I’m 5 foot 2 so literally could only grow out, I also had a 10lbs baby with excess fluid. I genuinely looked like I was about to give birth to a baby elephant. The midwife stopped measuring my bump because she thought it would stress me out.
I was induced 2 weeks early due to the babies size and everyone told me I wouldn’t be able to cope. I just said to them all ‘well I don’t really have much choice at this point it can’t stay in there forever’ and that seemed to shut them up.

You seem to be going into it with a positive attitude and I hope you get the birth you want. Maybe you could try and get round your mum by asking her about her sections went in case you need one nudge nudge wink wink as a way of showing her you value the fact she had a section,
You might find it changes her attitude. If she picks up on the fact you think she’s not done it properly she might be lashing out because you’re making her feel like her experiences don’t count.

It's obvious what the OP means.

I have had 2 sections. I have no idea what a contraction is like, or pushing, or crowning.

Someone who had a vaginal birth has no idea what a section is like.

Both birth, both different, both fine. But of course the Ops mum can't make a judgement on how her daughter would cope with labour if she has no idea even what it's like herself.

Tell her to do one! I was very fortunate with my labours. Yes it was painful, especially towards the end of stage one but I coped easily. With my third I didn’t have any pain relief not even gas and air, my choice.

The pain of labour is different to any other type of pain. I wasn’t worried about the pain because I knew what it was, that made a difference.

I wish you all the very best with your labour. 🌻

FWIW I wasn't being judgmental about C sections at all. In fact I have a lot of respect for women who have to go through such a major operation.

My original point was that she doesn't know how contractions or the rest of it feels, therefore she can't make a judgement as to how she thinks I will manage the pain of them.

Thanks everyone though for your replies and for wishing me well, it's much appreciated

@BelulahBlanca Can I ask how? All I said was I'm determined on breastfeeding. If it doesn't work out then fine, I don't care as long as my baby is being fed. Nothing against formula feeding.

Its likely her anxiety for you talking - yes she shouldn’t be saying it and its not helpful. I have a dd who struggles with pain and I guess I might feel anxious for how she would cope because I know how sensitive she is and how intensely she feels things.

I'm soooo crap with pain and had an induction too.
I ended up going to 8cm without pain relief! Yes it was sore, but I kept thinking it was going to get worse so held off!
Trust me, you'll be absolutely fine! Use whatever pain relief you want when you need it. Whatever mode of delivery you have, it doesn't matter to anyone else in the world, except you and your baby.
Just focus on what's happening at that moment...don't start panicking about how many hours it will go on for/our bodies don't go to a set schedule and things may go faster than you think!

Also, keep that positive attitude! You sounds strong and you will do this!!

Sorry OP, seems you've brought in the serially offended with this thread.
Whichever way baby arrives wishing you the best of luck

At OP - Was her's planned C or emergency? Mine was emergency and I can tell you I felt every contraction and worked so hard getting little one down the birth canal. The worst feeling in the world after failed forceps and failed suction was them pushing him back up the birth canal so they could get to him through my stomach.... let me tell you 6 years later my muscles haven't recovered from being torn apart by a scalpel and I wish he had managed to come through my down below as that springs back to size........... don't pick apart her experience, everyone's is unique. She is being unfair but you don't have to respond with attacking her. Minimise contact and conversations if you don't want the snappy responses from her.

@wLuytgNx Planned. She couldn't give birth naturally as she had problems with her pelvis

I don’t think you seem judgmental at all OP, unlike some of the professionally offended posters on here. 💐

Having a child is a very emotional time and many women have regrets/upset that never really go.

When I had DD, my mum said something negative about breast feeding, but then apologized. Turns out that she hadn't even been given the option - the midwife gave her an injection that stopped her milk coming in and she was told to bottle feed. Clearly, my mum still has some pain around the topic. No idea if her description is accurate, but that's what she told me.

So - maybe your mum is projecting her own feelings onto you. Or maybe she's still remembering when you were 5 and cried if you stubbed your toe. Just brush it off and look forward to your chance to become a mum.