to think that if I I want my baby in my bed that's fine?

[sabrinablue]

Was ranted at by a close family member today about sleeping with my baby (6 months) in my bed with me. Not for safety reasons, but because I'm 'creating a rod for my own back'.

I am a single parent with no help and I would fall apart if I couldn't just roll over and feed my son at night (apparently 6 months is too old for need night feeds). Agreed, sometimes he does this for comfort, but so what? I'm on maternity leave, I work part time when I'm at work, I still get enough sleep to function. Why can't I soothe my baby in the most natural way possible?

Am I really that unreasonable to want to parent this way? Or should I be putting my baby in a cot and not letting him feed at night?

According to her it's not normal for a 6 month old to feed at night and he should be sleeping through.... 🤦🏽‍♀️

to need, not for need

Do what you want.

Yanbu had all mine in bed for 2 years

Hmm. In my limited experience there's some truth in the feeding through the night. I co slept with all of mine and none of them were still night feeding at six months.

Everything gets easier to handle if you get unbroken sleep.

Ignore her and do what works for you. My now 3 year old was in my bed for about a year and is quite happy in his own room. His sister spends half the night in her room and then comes in with me. Whatever works for you. Your relative is not volunteering to come and deal with the night wakings I take it? Smile and nod and say oh well they’re all different then change the subject.

Ha ha DD didn’t sleep though until she was 3!

Ignore your relative. They’re wrong. You’re doing nothing wrong. Parent your way and tell them their criticism isn’t needed.

It's an unspoken rule of Other People to criticise our parenting choices. (This site probably wouldn't exist otherwise!)
I co-slept for 6 years. Dd is now 15, perfectly well-adjusted to life, etc etc.
Do what works for you.

I don't think 6 months old is too young for night feeds at all. Besides, all babies are different.

Do what you want on having him sleep with you. I understand what she's saying, but she could've just asked you about the situation and when you explained, accepted your choice and moved on. But I suppose that's some people for you, know-it-all's that 'think they're helping'.

Yanbu

Tbh I resisted sleeping with Ds2 as I didn’t want to “make a rod for my own back” but I’m finding he’s spending more and more nights in with me and my sleep and sanity is greatly improved since doing it.
I think ds1 being such a comparatively good sleeper meant that I didn’t see the benefits of co sleeping and it was only after 4 months of hell with ds2 that I gave in and I am fine with that.

Do whatever you need to do to survive is what I say. Whoever says anything different must have perfectly sleeping children so just smile, nod and ignore.

Too old for night-feed, sorry **

1970's parenting advice at its best here OP, just nod politely and ignore, ignore, ignore.

What your doing is entirely natural and normal and it's obviously working well for you both. Your son will sleep in his own bed when he is ready, until then enjoy the cuddles (and the sleep).

I coslept with my DS as he woke every two hours at least, he used to start in his cot then in with me, but by 12 months his sleep improved so much he extended his cot sleeping till it lasted all night, he also stopped needing to feed to go back to sleep if he did wake. It'll happen for your boy when he's ready.

Ignore.

DD slept in our bed (well in a sidecar) until she was 3.5.

She's 6 now and sleeps great in her room and my back has been rodless.

She always slept well in the sidecar crib so we were in no rush to move her. And was really easy to get her back to sleep at night when she still fed at night.

It did get to a point when she was over a year that I didn't want her to have night feeds anymore as I knew she didn't need them.

So then my husband and I swapped places so she couldn't get to my boobs so he would cuddle her at night if she woke. (If I cuddled her she's cry and pull at my top)

So that could be tricky for you if that situation arises but it may not.

Your his mum. You know best. You do whatever feels right and ignore everyone else. Xxxx

Shes taking nonsense. Some babies are night weaned at that age, many are not. Frankly it doesn't affect her and is none of her business. If it comes up again I'd go with a non-committal "thanks for your opinion" and change the subject.

Do what works for you. The 6 months night feed thing is not universal. One of mine stopped right on 6 months the other was still going strong till 30 months.

My mantra is whatever gets you the most sleep is best for you.

Just smile and say thanks for the advice

It's easy for her to say too as she has a husband who helped her throughout the night to settle their DS. My DS is not a good sleeper at the best of times, and is teething at the moment. I can't imagine how tired I would be if I had to get up and move him to a crib every night or deal with him screaming because he wants my boob.

20 months lol not 30

Why would you not even ignore her and let it get to you. Do what you want , if you get worked up over silly things like this what will you do with actual problems. Practice speaking up and putting people in their place regarding your parenting.

YANBU Co sleeping didn't work for me but I wish it had! I'd love to have her in with me!

My dd is just 6months and last week decided she no longer wanted to co-sleep. I thought that’s great, As much as I love cuddling up to her I do miss my own space.
Every night since she’s gone down beautifully in her cot BUT has been up about 5-6 times each night needing boob as it’s the only way she resettles. Before that she was up about twice and I could just flop one out for her!
I literally feel like I’m back in the newborn days, little did I realise co-sleeping was saving my sanity!
Do what works for you, they’re only this tiny once!

if you get worked up over silly things like this what will you do with actual problems

bit harsh. I'd say being a single mum to a 6 month old isn't something that happened without some pretty major problems. I'm dealing pretty well!

6 months is not too old for feeds. Personally we night weaned at 11mo. I know people feeding in the night at 2yo. I know others who regret weaning as the baby still wakes but then they can't feed them back to sleep. Babies vary lots. Also comfort is a legitimate part of breastfeeding, its perfectly valid to feed for comfort as well as food.

I am of the mentality with sleep, if it's not broke don't fix it. You can change the co-sleeping and night wean when it stops working for you. I don't see it's particularly easier to stop now than down the line, as long as you chose the right time e.g. not in the middle of separation anxiety.

To be fair, there is some truth in what the relative is saying. However, it's only a rod for your own back if you resent it in some way. As you don't and are happy, then there is no issue.

My daughter went through thr night at eleven weeks, and slept in her own cot throughout, and at six months was moved into her own room. If I'd been doing night feeds and had her sleeping in bed with me for this period, and say for rhe next two or three years, or longer, I'd have felt i made a rod for my own back.

I think your response is it's not a rod if I like it this way. It would only be a rod if I didn't. And leave it there.

People are obsessed with rods and backs when it comes to babies.

Children are adaptable and I'm of the opinion it's best to take the path of least resistance when they are babies.

dont forget her teeth though, breast milk is sweet

If you're happy and your baby is happy, that's fine. And if you're getting enough sleep? Brilliant.

All babies are different. My #1 slept through pretty much from about 3 months. My #2 first slept through regularly after she started primary school - didn't co-sleep with #1, co-slept with #2. It depends on the child.