to think that if I I want my baby in my bed that's fine?

[sabrinablue]

Was ranted at by a close family member today about sleeping with my baby (6 months) in my bed with me. Not for safety reasons, but because I'm 'creating a rod for my own back'.

I am a single parent with no help and I would fall apart if I couldn't just roll over and feed my son at night (apparently 6 months is too old for need night feeds). Agreed, sometimes he does this for comfort, but so what? I'm on maternity leave, I work part time when I'm at work, I still get enough sleep to function. Why can't I soothe my baby in the most natural way possible?

Am I really that unreasonable to want to parent this way? Or should I be putting my baby in a cot and not letting him feed at night?

According to her it's not normal for a 6 month old to feed at night and he should be sleeping through.... 🤦🏽‍♀️

You’re giving this far too much head space. It’s like someone having an opinion on if you piss before or after you wash your face/clean your teeth In the morning. It doesn’t matter. Nobody sensible cares wher your baby sleeps or if you feed him in the night.

Forget it and carry on.

I had the clingiest baby, terrible sleeper and as a result we co slept. I went back to work at 8 months to 12 hour shifts and it was the only way I could do things. We tried sleep training, followed all guidance and after 3 hours he was still screaming. I decided that it worked for us and I was really not all that bothered with the judgement but didnt offer the information unless it was asked directly.

He weaned at 17months very easily as we were both ready. Around 19 months he began settling himself in his own room and now is the easiest little boy to settle for a sleep, no sleep training required.

Do what works for you and your baby. None else is going to be sleep training her so if it's not for you then it's not really an option!

Hello @DanielRicciardosSmile
No I wasn't talking to you.

Whilst in hospital having given birth to DS1, a passing midwife told me I was ‘making a rod for my own back’ - because I was sat, quietly enjoying the pleasure of holding him. Listening to her ‘advice’ is one of my biggest regrets. Fortunately I saw the light.

Both of our DS’s co slept with us until about 2/3 years old. It meant the whole family was able to sleep and I have never regretted that choice - although we were criticised by family and colleagues.
Ignore, ignore ignore.
Do what feels best for you and your child.

My experience was different-I said to a midwife “She won’t let me put her down” and she said “Don’t put her down then!”
One of the two most helpful things said to me by a HCP in either of my pregnancies!

@BertrandRussell
You had a fabulous midwife!
It’s surprising the effect such small passing comments can have.

There was a fantastic midwife on duty the night after my DD was born. I told her that I felt so tired after 3 days of labour and I was afraid I was going to drop DD if I fell asleep feeding. She showed me how to feed lying down and then moved DD into the crib once I was asleep. I'll always be so grateful because it gave me the confidence to cosleep and feed lying down once we were home.

“Thanks for the advice”.

Repeat liberally. And then do your own thing. YANBU.

Do whatever is best for you but as soon as night feeds stop I would move baby to own bed and room. I co slept a couple of nights with DS but I can't imagine him being in the bed with us full time and definitely not as a toddler.

It's your child, ignore them and do whatever makes life easiest for you and your son

Next they'll tell you to let him cry a bit too, I know the type. I think people who haven't coslept don't understand that it's lovely and cosy, their memory is of disruptive nights getting up to a crying baby in a cot. Mine's a year old, we moved him out of our bed onto a mattress at the side at 8 months when he'd crawl off the main bed. He sleeps fine in the early evening, then sits or stands up to quietly get me and then I get down to feed and sleep with him. He used to have a few feeds but now it's usually just one unless he's ill, could be 11pm or not until 3am. When he doesn't need that feed then I suppose he'll end up sleeping through on his own every night and I'll miss those snuggles terribly. I suppose he'll then get in our bed or I'll go down just for his morning feed at 6.30/7. When he has a fever, is otherwise unwell or is teething I'm incredibly grateful that we're used to sleeping together, because it's so much easier to look after him. Also he only cries if he's in pain, he knows he doesn't need to get upset if he just wants a bit of boob because it'll come.

I had the "rod for your own back" comment as well recently and was just confused, because we're happy as we are. When he's older he won't want to be cuddled all the time, I would hate to look back and think that I squandered those lovely warm hugs. Now he's getting over the latest virus I'm waiting to see if the night feeds stop as he'd been getting into longer and longer sleep stretches. I might try giving him water so he learns to sleep through at some point if he doesn't continue to slowly sleep longer, but he'll still have cuddles and cosleep whenever he wants but I don't have a fixed plan for it. You'll find a route that works for you and your DS too, it isn't a binary choice where the baby sleeps with you and is then banished to another room to cry. Nobody knows your boy like you do, so you decide what is best. You decide when, how and by what method to change things as he gets older; babies naturally start to sleep longer and pull away slightly so it'll get easier with time. With commenters practice saying "that won't work for me, but thanks". The same ones telling me how to do things differently also comment on how happy DS is, how he never seems to cry, how quickly he settles to sleep at night etc etc; I'm too polite to tell them there's a link.

If you can sleep cuddled with a partner, or a cat, or your dog because you both enjoy it and sleep well and better, why on earth would you NOT do it with your children

This is an odd post. Because children can form habits than can be night Marish to break. Every parent knows this.

And there may come a time, rhe op, as single mum wishes to have a night away, or she might meet someone, and it could cause her some major issues down the line. That's all people are saying. Balance the here and now with future potential needs.

As for some posters saying to be careful as they don't like to see some women having it easier. I without doubt had it easier than the op. My daughter went through thr night at eleven weeks. She slept in a cot in our room and we moved her to her own room at six months. So we all had full nights sleep from eleven weeks.

So my post on to do what's right for now, whilst having an eye on the future and a plan, is not because I think thr op has it easier than I did. It's because I can see she has it a lot tougher, and could do for some considerable time to come. And as much as she likes it now, in a year or two she may be exhausted by it, be done, and be really really struggling to fix it. I don't think pretending that would never happen is helpful.

This is an odd post. Because children can form habits than can be nightmarish to break. Every parent knows this.

Why is it an odd post? Why would you break the habit? Children pull away and become independent. My DS is 9 and stopped co-sleeping long, long ago. I think he was about 2 and a bit when we moved his bed into his room. He was delighted to be grown up and to be sleeping with his toys in his big boy's room. And if he woke in the night he just climbed in with us. There's no habit to break if you just go with the flow.

Why is it an odd post? Why would you break the habit?

This can't be a serious question? The op is a single mum. It's not inconceivable that at some point she might want a night away, or she might meet someone and wish to spend the night with them

There is no we in this scenario. She is not in a couple like you.

She might do; she might not. Personally I didn't want a night away from my son at that age so being in a couple or not was immaterial. Other people are glad to have a night off, so to speak. Neither way is wrong or right.
On a thread like this people share their thoughts and experiences. My experience was that co-sleeping wasn't a problem.
There have been previous threads where posters have found it a problem.