to think that if I I want my baby in my bed that's fine?

[sabrinablue]

Was ranted at by a close family member today about sleeping with my baby (6 months) in my bed with me. Not for safety reasons, but because I'm 'creating a rod for my own back'.

I am a single parent with no help and I would fall apart if I couldn't just roll over and feed my son at night (apparently 6 months is too old for need night feeds). Agreed, sometimes he does this for comfort, but so what? I'm on maternity leave, I work part time when I'm at work, I still get enough sleep to function. Why can't I soothe my baby in the most natural way possible?

Am I really that unreasonable to want to parent this way? Or should I be putting my baby in a cot and not letting him feed at night?

According to her it's not normal for a 6 month old to feed at night and he should be sleeping through.... 🤦🏽‍♀️

Well your relative would have a fit at my sleeping arrangements...
3 year old climbs into bed with us at some point every night.had night feeds til about 22 months.
6 month old co-sleeps, feeds frequently.

A Paddington stare. “Oh isn’t it funny how advice has changed, isn’t it great that cot death rates have come down?” sometimes shuts them up.

Do what works for you. All three of mine were still feeding at night at six months and did so up to about a year. Every baby is different, if yours needs milk or comfort at night then provide it. We all chat and seek advice from others and then make the decision about what is best for us

Mine first slept through with no feeding at 10mo and compared to others we knew that was about average, neither late nor early.
6mo to be night weaned if breast fed is pretty early I’d say.

Ignore. They are probably the same sort of person that thinks you should put a newborn in their nursery and let them cry. Some people like interfering

With my first a few family members criticised me for co-sleeping. My MIL even did it through my DS, saying 'tell mummy you are a big boy and you want to sleep in your own room' every other time she held him. It's hard to ignore but you just have to.

He eventually slept in his own bed at 3 and loves it.

With my second, I'm still co-sleeping with him at 2 and still breastfeeding him during the night too. And now I don't discuss it with anyone. If you don't volunteer the information after a certain age, they won't ask anymore - they just assume your DC's are sleeping in their own beds 😊

You are the only adult in your house at 3am - I'll bet none of the naysayers are volunteering to come over and soothe crying babies at that hour.

Repeat after me Thanks for your advice, I’ll bear it in mind, but currently, this works for us.

We moved DD into her own room at .6 months, it seemed she was more unsettled by us coming, she stirred whenever we moved. She still woke to feed overnight until 9 months when we had to night wean her because I was back at work and exhausted.

But you’re right, if your DS is teething, now is not the time to change things. DH’s grandparents were very opinionated on how we parented, questioned why she wasn’t toilet trained at 2y 4m (she wouldn’t sit on a potty!). You just have to trust your own instincts and know you’re doing right for you and your baby.

I think the question you need to ask yourself is can you envisage it becoming a rod for your own back? What if your baby is still doing this at two or three? What if you meet someone? Want to spend a night away?

A pp said babies are adaptable, in my experience this is not always true. It's very hard to get them out of a habit once it's formed, from stopping a certain type of feeding, to changing their sleeping habits or location. In my experience infants can be very resistant to change,

So as much as your relative may have phrased it better, possibly they had your own best interests at heart and they have been there. So it's sometimes less about the here and now, and sometimes more about the future.

If you could envisage co sleeping going on for a lengthy period happily, night feeds extending on, and you will always be happy with it, then it's not an issue, but if you can envisage a time when this won't work for uou any more, or cause you problems, it might be worth thinking about timing and how to manage the next few months.

Actually, some studies show breastfeeding is protective against cavities because is doesn't carry a particular bacteria that causes them. Some studies have shown a link between cavities and breastfeeding when they haven't controlled for poverty or prenatal smokong. etc

abcnews.go.com/Health/Healthday/story?id=4508866&page=1

As a previous poster said, it's your back and it's only a rod if you are unhappy with the situation.

Co-sleeping with my first saved my sanity as she woke every 2 hours during the night.

With my second, he was a great sleeper from birth but we still coslept because I enjoy it.

He is 8 now, long since in his own bed and my last, he usually gets up for the toilet around 5-6 and comes in my bed afterwards for cuddles. On the nights he doesn't come I miss him and soon he won't come at all.

Ignore others opinions, co-sleeping can be a really positive experience. Your baby's childhood will go far to fast, do what works for you.

Do what works for you.

My sister did this and still has a 7 almost 8 year old sleeping with them. I didnt want to make that mistake so never co sleeped. I was lucky dd slept through at 4 months with a blip at 8 months. But every child is different. Some dont until later so if this works for you go for it. Your baby, your choice

We don't routinely co sleep but at the moment the reality is that he's in bed with me every night. He's slept the whole night through in his cot before and I'm sure will do again but at the moment it's needs must.

Someone will also criticise you for something when it comes to raising your child. Sounds like you're doing a great job.

There's always someone who wants to offer unsolicited 'advice' on your parenting. They made me miserable with mine (who turned out to be autistic so all the advice was wrong). Do what feels right for you!

Ignore and enjoy.

Unless you’re asking her to do night feeds what has it got to do with her?!

6mth olds are quite entitled to want a night feed until they are on 3 proper food meals a day with all the different food groups. After that it's what suits you best, ignore her. It's a only a problem if it's not working for you.

Do what works for you and what you feel is best.

Though be prepared. We started cosleeping at 6 months because it was the only way to get ds to stay asleep. At almost 4yo, although he starts the night in his own bed, he still climbs into our bed most nights, and I have no idea when he will stop.

I like having him in with me. The whole pregnancy was awful. We thought he was going to die at one point. He was so poorly when he was born. Waking up to him next to me is just so lovely. My ex never let us co-sleep and now I have the freedom to do so. It's a weight lifted. But frustrating when people tell you you're doing the wrong thing for your child.

And yes I've wondered greatly how this would work if I met a new man, but that's not on my radar at the moment. At which point do I alter how I want to parent my child in order to form a new romantic relationship? It's a hard decision to make at the moment for a man who doesn't exist. But yes I do worry a lot about that.

Do what you need to do! In order to .... function, be happy, not fall asleep standing up!

But I think she does have a point. Bad habits are hard to break later and good habits are hard to install later.

I speak from experience. Ds1 was so easy. Generally easy. Ds2 was horrific and cried and cried, on and off, all through the night, for months. He brought me to my knees literally , I was on my knees sobbing, going to the doctor and health visitor and asking for help and I got nowhere. it was horrific, but I had always tried to instil good night time routine and settling them selves for both ds's, and I continued to do that and eventually it paid dividends.

I always advise people to do what needs to be done now, but also consider the long-term plans : what you're trying to instil now to make your life and their lives easier later.

Good for you op. If I hear the phrase ‘rod for your own back’ one more time I will get that rod of mine and shove it where the sun don’t shine.

Why does everyone think co sleeping is such a problem? People co sleep with their partners no??

I think it's time to put her in her own room now. Theres no night feeds so it would be nice for you to reclaim your evening's.

If you are happy with the set up then I don’t see the problem. It wouldn’t have worked for me. Both of mine slept better in their own rooms.

My aunt used to bang on about that with my nieces and they are both very happy, healthy, sporty, hard working, award winning [no less] teens who sleep well at night all on their own.

I think it's time to put her in her own room now. Theres no night feeds so it would be nice for you to reclaim your evening's

Eh?

Well, I had all three in with me till they were around one. Then I'd put them into their cot and bring them into my bed on first waking. Eventually they stayed in their own beds and came in for a cuddle on the morning. We don't have any issues with their sleep.