AIBU not to give my children a double bed each?

[TheCherries]

I am in the process of decorating new bedrooms for my two young teenagers.

Both are insistent their friends all now have double beds and it isn’t fair I am making them keep their single beds.

Changing their beds isn’t an option we don’t have the budget for it anyway but it got me thinking is it really a rite of passage to have a double bed as a teenager?

Surely you wait until you are an age to share the bed with another. My feeling is the larger the bed the more you get used to spreading out.

I would prefer to keep the single bed with guest bed underneath for sleepovers and enjoy the extra space in their rooms the rest of the time.

We have two spare bedrooms so we don’t need to double up the use of their beds for relatives staying over.

Do yours have a double bed?

@isabellerossignol yes us too, seems really unusual to find someone else who did this. When my daughter was just over 18 months we brought a new kingsize and gave her our double. She was so tiny in it but they move so much in their sleep and she never slept better, we'd be waking her up at the weekends at 10am sometimes! she also loved going to bed as hers was so huge and snuggly so no persuading was ever necessary.

So much easier when people or family stay too as they can go in the children's rooms in an actual bed. Frames off gumtree are so cheap and mattresses these days arent really expensive, but I know thats relative if your completely skint

DS11yo has a king size bed. But that is only because DH and I were replacing our bed and mattress as we wanted a much bigger bed, and DS' old single had seen better days. Rather than buying DS a new bed and us a new bed, DS had our old king size and we bought ourselves a new larger bed.

He likes having a bigger bed, but he doesn't sleep in any more of it than the single bed size. He quite likes me getting in with him to read books though and have a chat, so it has worked out well.

Some of his friends have doubles/kings, but that is because they were given them by relatives who would otherwise have thrown them away. They weren't specially bought for them.

The only thing I am concerned about is when he has a sleepover. Will he share a bed with his friend, or will they sleep on a mattress on the floor? It makes me feel slightly, I don;'t know, uneasy. A bit cautious.

All our “spare” beds are double/king size because I originally did them with adult guests in mind. Now we have DD and another on the way they will both get whatever sized bed is in the room that we put them in. That’s mostly because it’s what we already have, but also because I wanted to know that if I ever had to sleep in with them when they’re ill etc then I would have plenty of room and not have to squish into a single with a starfish toddler. If you can’t afford it then you can’t afford it and that’s the end of the conversation, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want more space in bed!!

I have just bought my DS a Queen size bed (in between a single and standard double). It was 2nd hand (someone's spare room bed) and is immaculate, fortunately. It cost £40. I will use double bed bedding.
He's 14 but 6' and has hypermobility and ASD so I want him to be comfy in the hope it will help him sleep...

Mine all had single beds, it's what suits you OP unless they are very tall or you want it to double as a guest room etc.

Uni students tend to have double beds in shared houses

No matter how tall my sons or daughter get they will have to be in singles due to space and the fact the boys share. They also cant dictate what their room is like because they both have different tastes.

Lots of DDs friends have double beds. Shes 12. We're doing up her room but shes got a single bed. Apart from the space issue i don't want to replace all her bedding (several sets bought at xmas) and launder an extra set of double bedding!

My DS has a had a double bed since the age of 8. However, he is an only child and has a v.large room.

He is 14 now and I am so glad we went with the double back then as he is going to be a tall lad.

We just have to replace the mattress as and when it needs it.

It saved us money in the long run.

I've just bought a double. It cost me £60 from ikea. The mattress was £99 from Ebay and is pretty good. I'm finding I sleep much better because I have room to spread out now. I don't think there's anything sinfully decadent about a double bed!

One of my friends got both her children double beds when she moved house and it dawned on me it made perfect sense. Due to the height herself and their father the children are likely to both be nearly 6ft in their teens so a double bed will mean they fit comfortably.

If would suggest that if they want double beds, they need to stump up their own financial contributions to get one. Tell them to start earning some money via babysitting, car washing, dog washing, working in a little shop, etc You're not opposed; you just can't afford it.

I have just bought my DS a Queen size bed (in between a single and standard double).

Our bed sizes must be different? We have Single, then King single which is the same width of single but longer; Double which is wider than a single but the same length; Queen which is wider than a double and longer (in line with King single length); King which is wider than a Queen but same length as queen and king single.

There is a growing trend for doubles amongst kids, but a standard single is still perfectly large enough for a normal sized adult to sleep well in.

In the past lots of adults had a single and even couples had a single each in the same room. Lots of elderly widows and widowers sleep in single beds. Of course lots of bedrooms are single not double sized too.

Things generally are getting bigger though. TVs are bigger than 20 years ago, as are sofas, school uniforms, cars and portion sizes. Therefore there is likely to be a move in this direction if people have space.

Re your children Op, I don't think this issue is about beds but the demanding nature of their requests and the fact you feel somehow dutyboundnto give them what they want. There is nothing wrong with their single beds and you don't have lots of spare cash, so quite simply say this and expect them to have the maturity to understand it. It is not abusive or neglectful to not provide a double bed and it isn't the case that everyone has one or that having one gives them some kind of advantage in life. I'd agree that having enough space in a bedroom rather than a double squeezed in which makes the room too small is better.

Fair enough when it comes to time to replace beds,mto choose double if you have space and can afford decent bedding etc for it then. For now, stick with what you have - 3ft of space is fine.

Things generally are getting bigger though. TVs are bigger than 20 years ago, as are sofas, school uniforms, cars and portion sizes. Therefore there is likely to be a move in this direction if people have space.

But are houses, specifically bedrooms bigger? Lots of new build houses I've seen have smaller rooms than for example a 1930s semi.

Ds1 does, he got it as a birthday present when he turned 15. It’s one that lifts up to a storage space underneath, so actually quite practical. It’s his room and his space, and I want him to be comfortable in it.
Obviously if you can’t afford new beds then that’s fine, but I wouldn’t say no to a double just on principle.

Ds 5 has had a small double since last year,we decided to just go for it as it would last him (hopefully) years.It fits perfectly and he has lots of room for his collection of soft toys!

@HoppingPavlova a Queen is usually bigger than a king,as in over 6 foot wide.A "3/4 bed or "small" double is what your describing if you are in the UK.

I wouldn't worry about it. There is a trend for children to have double beds but it really isn't necessary. They also take up a lot of space in their bedrooms, the duvets and covers are more expensive and take up a lot more space in the washing machine.

I think my ds is an outlier. He is 18 and has a single bed - his choice, we offered him the chance to move into the master bedroom a couple of years ago (we'r have two large bedrooms and a box room, he is in the box room) and he declined the offer, saying he loved his bed and his little room because they were cosy. Still feels the same way, despite his room fitting pretty much just his bed, his telly and TV cupboard, and not much else!

Yanbu. I didn't get a double bed until I was sharing one with dh. I haven't got teens yet but 12 year old ds1 will be in his bunkbed for the foreseeable future.

Mine all have singles, the only reason I had a double as a teen (18 or 19) was because I brought it myself in preparation for moving out

I'm interested to know if all of these kids have double sized bedrooms with plenty of space for double beds....or are people cramming a big bed bed in?

In my mind, a typical family home is 3 bedrooms and 1 of those is a single, usually occupied by a child....so how does a double fit? Newer houses often seem to have small bedrooms and even so-called doubles would be a push to have a double bed plus a wardrobe and chest of drawers and what about a desk for teenagers too? Do all of the teenagers with double beds also have a decent sized desk in their room or is a bed more important?

I think it's a fashion thing, not especially about size. A king size is 5ft wide,mig img 2ft 6ins each to a couple, but a single is bigger per person at 3ft. Most people are fine with 3ft of bed width. I just wonder if the kids all get used to 4ft 6ins of width each if they will then struggle to share a double or kingside with another adult later in life...not a big concern admittedly, just an idle wondering after reading this thread.

And there's nothing I'd like less than a tiny double bedroom with a big bed squashed in it and no space.....bit like a tiny living room with a huge TV - just seems wrong.

What are your views about sex? Not prying, but whilst I might know my DD is having it, I don't want to encourage it in the house! Having a double bed, just makes it easier. (not anti. Not a prude. Lots of open discussions here. But CERTAINLY not actively encouraging it and absolutely not before she was definitely ready)

This a slightly odd attitude. As a sexual health nurse the kids who tell me that they have to have sex in the back of cars or school fields or upstairs at parties because the parents have a 'not in my house' attitude makes so sad. If you know theyre doing it have an open conversation and provide a safe space. Depending on how old the kids are may be worth considering this!

Sharing a bigger bed with another person makes it considerably easier not to have sex with that person, in my experience