AIBU not to give my children a double bed each?

[TheCherries]

I am in the process of decorating new bedrooms for my two young teenagers.

Both are insistent their friends all now have double beds and it isn’t fair I am making them keep their single beds.

Changing their beds isn’t an option we don’t have the budget for it anyway but it got me thinking is it really a rite of passage to have a double bed as a teenager?

Surely you wait until you are an age to share the bed with another. My feeling is the larger the bed the more you get used to spreading out.

I would prefer to keep the single bed with guest bed underneath for sleepovers and enjoy the extra space in their rooms the rest of the time.

We have two spare bedrooms so we don’t need to double up the use of their beds for relatives staying over.

Do yours have a double bed?

If you want to give your young teenagers permission to make good use of a double bed then go ahead
Such a weird attitude.
I caught my teenager having sex in his old bunk bed!!
The other Ds at 8years old wouldn't have occured to have sex in his double!! (Nobody would have been able to get in the bed anyway as it was filled with toy dinosaurs and toy hockey mascots!!!)

If they are 'young teenagers' then I assumed they were under 16? It is illegal to have sex under that age and by giving them double beds you are - perhaps - giving them the impression that it is acceptable to have sex, otherwise why give them double beds?

Ilizzie where did you get this weird obsession with the idea that double beds encourage promiscuity? Got any research evidence to back that up? Because if you haven't, I'm just going to assume that all the legs on your tables and chairs are covered in drapes lest they inflame the lusts of young teenagers who enter your home. Honestly, teenagers aren't all sex-crazed monsters who go through life looking for the slightest opportunity to shag.

You should perhaps also know that two 14 or 15-year-olds who have consensual sex will not ever, ever, ever, ever be prosecuted. So your banging on about illegality is not terribly relevant either.

Here, have some pearls to clutch:

Such a shame that morals are on a downward spiral and that nothing is sacred any more.

Are there any moral values left in the world? Is it the same laissez faire attitude that makes more crime because children need their parents to set parameters?

Do what you like.

Nothing is sacred it’s sex, sex is like going to the toilet or brushing your teeth, perfectly natural normal human function.

Such a shame that morals are on a downward spiral and that nothing is sacred any more
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I live alone and have a double bed , granted when my Ds was young I rarely got it to myself but do now.its bliss

Ilizzie I will give you this: You are comedy gold.

Children are too young to understand relationships which involve sex and the parents have to guide them. I do not know why you think I am weird or comedy gold. Do you realise what you are saying? It is against the law for children to have sex under 16 and even that is young. I am saying what is legal and what is not, and responders on this thread are against me, which strikes me as really odd. If your children are experiencing sex under 16 then they are seriously at risk from sexual predators. No wonder men are allowed to get away with it so often. No doubt you all cry 'shame' when they are caught, yet you refuse to put boundaries around your precious children.

Some parents go through fire to get pregnant and when they do, and give birth they are over the moon with the baby. I cannot understand given all that why when they reach their teens the parents no longer care enough to guide them.

Take this scenario: ''if your child came to you and said all the kids at school are having sex and they don't want to and their 'friends' have called them names, and or they are doubting their gender, what would you do a) make an immediate appointment to see a gender specialist or
b) sit down with the child and explain there is nothing wrong with them and they should not worry about having sex at their age as there is so much to learn at school without having to learn about relationships they should not encourage until they are old enough to marry.?

Have you considered that the 'friends' are pretending to encourage your child? How can you allow your children to grow up not knowing what is lawful and what is not? How can your children learn about basic decency if you allow them to break the law, if you allow them to teach themselves about relationships. Children WANT to be guided and loved by their parents. They know the difference between right and wrong, though judging by the increase in knife crime I wonder about that sometimes. If you do not set boundaries for your children, at whatever stage, they will feel insecure. Children want to know how far they can go. Remember the toddler who bangs on a saucepan or drum to make a noise and see how tolerant their parents are? They may be older, but the example still stands.

I want some of what you're smoking llizzie

You have remembered were talking about a bed here aren't you? You're the one making it about sex.

llizzie

Nope, not getting it here I'm afraid.
I don't get the connection between a large sleeping area and under age sex.

Need to ask a question please

Are you serious. Be steadfast and continue being the best parent you can. Your children are being children and completing the ongoing my friends have one so why can’t I routine. As teens they should be developing individuality. It’s your home and there room. No doubt you buy what goes in it and they aren’t paying bills yet. You do what you want with your explanation or reasoning.

Didn't have the space (old house with small rooms). We have to use a blow up mattress for DS1 and partner for visits, and move furniture. It's not a right FFS.

If the room can fit a double bed then they aren’t that much more expensive. They are much easier to starfish in!

Most of my kids' friends have single beds.
It was my idea to offer them doubles. they didn't ask.
I find a double bed much more comfortable to sleep in so I presumed my children would too.
A double bed is for one is lovely to sleep in.
Not necessary, but if you have the space then why not?

Ilizzie you seem to imply that you believe sex should be saved for marriage and that this is the only right way to do relationships. You also assume that all sex is heterosexual. May I hazard a guess that you are coming at this from a very fundamentalist religious perspective?

As the atheist single parent of two gay daughters, I trust my children to tell me if they are thinking of having sex. I trust my own parenting . Your obsession with teens, sex and beds is a bit prurient and not very helpful, not to mention controlling.

Ohhhh myyyy days....only on Mumsnet!!!!! How the hell is this suddenly about giving the message that it's ok to have sex!

Anyway, on the subjects of BEDS! .....
My 4 all have double beds, eldest is 18, youngest is 10.
It was ME that wanted it for them and MY decision.
One of the best things we ever did when we moved, makes life so much easier to just say yes to a sleepover, jump in with them for chats and cuddles, sleep with them if they need you to etc. They get in with each other to watch a movie on the lap top, they cover them in scatter cushions to put their stamp on their room, create a look and can still get in without having to throw them on the floor every night etc etc.

Ultimately for me it's about making life easier. I love saying yes to a sleepover with no effort required by me whatsoever and I love getting in with them sometimes for chats and cuddles.

Do it, don't do it, your call, obvs, but if you're asking - then like I say, yes mine all have them and I'm glad they do.

When I first commented I suggested that double beds sent children a message that they could use it for the same purpose as their parents. Then responses were that why not? There were comments that it was impossible to stop children having sex whatever size bed they have.

It was quite eye opening to read that religious people have values and atheists do not. That spelt out quite deliberately. I liked that bit.

Now I am not researching family values but I am sure that people who are will be greatly interested in this thread. I hope the majority of parents can advise their children about relationships. If married people have trouble in their lives think how hard it is for young teenagers to understand give and take, especially if they just think a good sex life is all marriage is about.

A lot of young boys and women have suffered genuine abuse at the hands of people in the past when they could not travel or go to work etc. without being fondled etc., or being sexually abused, and what you are doing by allowing your young teenagers the opportunity, or by not giving boundaries and rules in their homes might enable perverts to use that as a defence. You have to look ahead to see how necessary boundaries are for young people. It beggars belief that in the light of the cases in the news you can say it is OK for your children to do what they like, and give them the opportunity.

Of course if giving them double beds mean that they can throw their clothes on the bed and still get it in, that might be a reason. One large bed, don't bother to change the sheets, turn the mattress, no room for a wardrobe and chest of drawers but does it matter with a big bed, no dusting because you can't see the dust for stuff, just somewhere for the TV and the cartons for fast food and a nightstand place for 'lemonade' then if that is the case, fill the room with the biggest bed and hope against hope you are not raising grandchildren before the kids leave school.

what you are doing by allowing your young teenagers the opportunity, or by not giving boundaries and rules in their homes might enable perverts to use that as a defence. You have to look ahead to see how necessary boundaries are for young people. It beggars belief that in the light of the cases in the news you can say it is OK for your children to do what they like, and give them the opportunity.

I think you have posted on the wrong thread.

I am hoping that is the case.

llizzie have you ever fucked someone in other than a double bed? your reasoning is frankly a bit creepy that you've allowed your mind to go to the place it has on this thread. I have a single bed and have quite a happy sex life.

A lot of young boys and women have suffered genuine abuse at the hands of people in the past when they could not travel or go to work etc. without being fondled etc., or being sexually abused, and what you are doing by allowing your young teenagers the opportunity, or by not giving boundaries and rules in their homes might enable perverts to use that as a defence

Like I said.... Creepy that you would even think that it would be a defense.

Do you think an abused person gets grilled on whether they were given a double bed as a kid to measure their values and morals when reporting abuse?

llizzie has a very odd view.
Struggling to make those two ends meet.

When my babies were born they slept with us, so for the first 4 or 5 years there were 4 of us in a huge double family bed.

The children did not witness any sexual activity between OH and I- like gamerchick said, plenty other places for OH and I to fuck.

My children associated double beds for sleeping, having cuddles, watching family movies of the lap top, reading books, singing together, bouncing on, playing, jumping off knee mountains, generally having a relaxing time.

I think llizzie has some disturbing ideas about double beds, under age sex and child abuse.

Would never have entered my head.

My 18 yo DD has just spent the whole day in her double bed, eaten both breakfast and lunch, finished writing an essay for University on her laptop, and caught up with Sabrina on Netflix.

Sounds perfect to me.

I suggested that double beds sent children a message that they could use it for the same purpose as their parents.

That's mostly going to be sleeping...

Where boundaries might need to be put in place is with allowing teenagers to have friends in their rooms with doors shut, and that’s down to parents to decide. If two teenagers want to have sex, just having a single bed won't stop them. They don't need to be in a bedroom or even a house at all. Bring them up with an understanding of the facts of life and meaningful consent and the right to say no at any time and a good moral basis, and then you have to trust them to make sensible decisions as they need to. A double bed will make no odds either way on that.

Where boundaries might need to be put in place is with allowing teenagers to have friends in their rooms with doors shut, and that’s down to parents to decide. If two teenagers want to have sex, just having a single bed won't stop them. They don't need to be in a bedroom or even a house at all. Bring them up with an understanding of the facts of life and meaningful consent and the right to say no at any time and a good moral basis, and then you have to trust them to make sensible decisions as they need to. A double bed will make no odds either way on that.

Perfectly explained.

The OP asked whether she should give her children double beds and I suggested that it might give them ideas. If you choose to disagree, then fine, but as you continued to take up the issue I raised you cannot expect me not to respond.

If you don't like my reasons, then fine, but you do not have to be so insulting, do you?