AIBU not to give my children a double bed each?

[TheCherries]

I am in the process of decorating new bedrooms for my two young teenagers.

Both are insistent their friends all now have double beds and it isn’t fair I am making them keep their single beds.

Changing their beds isn’t an option we don’t have the budget for it anyway but it got me thinking is it really a rite of passage to have a double bed as a teenager?

Surely you wait until you are an age to share the bed with another. My feeling is the larger the bed the more you get used to spreading out.

I would prefer to keep the single bed with guest bed underneath for sleepovers and enjoy the extra space in their rooms the rest of the time.

We have two spare bedrooms so we don’t need to double up the use of their beds for relatives staying over.

Do yours have a double bed?

My teens have double beds. A lot of their friends do too, apparently. I don’t know when this became a thing though, I certainly didn’t have a double bed until I was married.

My two are 21 and 16. Both have single beds (in double sized bedrooms) and are happy with that. DD has a double at university but she hasn’t said she wants one at home yet.

I got a double bed when DH and I bought our house....

At 12 my dd was 5ft 11. Hrs 6ft 5 now. He got a double at 12. Dd is 12 now and 5ft 9. She also has a double.

I believe the basic rule of thumb is: if you lie down in the bed and put your hands under your head, your elbows shouldn’t hang off the edge of the bed.

DH and l have a super king. We’re both tall, l hate feeling cramped in bed.

None of dd’s friends have a single bed, apart from a pair of twins.

TLDR: If you can afford it or the teens pay for it themselves then get them double beds. Alternatively offer teens option of redecorating or double bed so no impact on finances. Respect their choices.

@ribbonsonabox is right, it's their bedroom and if you want to be a respectful parent you'll listen to what they want from their bedroom otherwise it's your room that they sleep in. Why would your preference for extra space in a room which you don't even spend time in trump their preference for a double bed in their own room? Since you have double beds in your guest bedrooms it sounds like you value the comfort and wishes of your occasional guests over the expressed wishes of your own teenagers.

I can understand the point about finances but perhaps your teens can do extra chores for neighbours etc if they really want to save up money for a new bed and bedding. Like has been suggested they can be bought fairly cheaply off FB marketplace etc. Or maybe they'd prefer a double bed over redecorating, give them options.

Having a double bed isn't necessarily for sex or sharing with another person, it doesn't mean they're going to be any more promiscuous, anything you can do in a double I assure you can be done in a single when you're young and flexible enough.

A double is more comfortable, they can have friends over for sleepovers without some poor person having to camp on the floor or on a pull out. Don't worry about losing space, you can store plenty under a double bed. Not wanting them to get "used to spreading out" is an imaginative but ridiculous excuse.

I don’t know any teens with doubles. Most teens I know still share with siblings in bunk beds. At university mine still has a single there. Maybe if you’ve got room for a double I might consider it.

DS has had a double from about age 15; now he's away at university it gets used as a spare bed for guests (so a double is much more useful). DD has a double mattress on the floor of a mezzanine level in her room - good for teenage lounging around and sleepovers. But it is obviously not worth trying to squeeze a double bed into a small room clearly designed as a single/box room.

My DD is 7 she had a single bed until she was 3 yrs old then we found she slept much better in a bigger bed..ours as it goes! So I got her a double and she is really settled in it.. I.won't go back to a single now for her...

Both my 18 and 16 year olds have double beds, I think they had them from about 8, their rooms are large though so single beds looked lost in them.

What I will say though if you can afford it go for it, but if not they’ll have to make do with what they have.

I didn’t know this was a thing! I had a single bed until I moved in with DH. And my kids have singles. If you can’t afford it then that’s discussion over isn’t it?

i didnt have a double until i left home then i had the 3/4 bed then upgraded to a proper double when i married

People give double beds away. I donated a nice one on freegle when we got a newer one.

I had a double bed from about age 15. Before that I had a high sleeper. Double beds are excellent.

But I think getting them to contribute to the cost would be fine. I started buying my own furniture as a teen or contributing so I could have slightly mire expensive stuff to my taste. 25 years later my giant black ikea chest of drawers is still going strong...

For those sharing bedrooms, do you have two doubles in one room then? Or one double for two siblings

Oh, come on, you must know that it's not acceptable to share bedrooms anymore, it's practically child abuse . If your house doesn't accommodate a bedroom per child, you need to buy a bigger house.

Genuinely baffled by this thread, a single bed gives someone more room than they get by sharing a king size with a partner, so how much 'spreading out' does anyone think teens need?

Sounds like double beds for teens is another 'only on MN' thing.

I've always been wondering about this, it seems quite common these days! We just don't have the room in our rented house. I think it's a good idea if you have the space but don't think its necessary until late teens, unless you have a tall or wide kid!

You must all have really spacious bedrooms!

Dd13 has a double bed. She needed a new key for a double, she has space in her room for one, so we bought her one.

My other 2 dc won’t be getting doubles however muchthey ask though as there isn’t enough room in either of their rooms to fit a bigger bed in.

If there is no budget for new beds, then there’s no budget, they can’t have one, but if when they do need a new bed, there’s enough money for a double and they still want one, can you reconsider then.

Why do you need to deprive yourself of a lovely big comfy bed until you meet someone to share it with? It’s nothing to do with any rite of passage it’s just big and comfy! I had a double from about 12, and my DCs17 and 14 both have doubles.

It was DD's 16th birthday present. I asked DS if he wanted one too for his birthday. He first said yes but then changed his mind as he said it would take too much room and he preferred the floor space.

DD's bed is IKEA and perfe tly fine. She got drawers to put under the bed from other relatives as part of her bday too.

To whoever suggested getting a cheap double mattress if finances are tight, I massively disagree. If they have decent quality single mattresses this is so much better. A good quality mattress is essential and a bad one causes back issues

16 year old and 8 year old share single bunk beds. There is no room for 2 single beds not being bunk beds in there though.
14 year old has a single atm but I've said I'll buy a double next time I decorate.

DD got a double at about 10, we moved house and she got the bigger bedroom on the understanding if we had guests she would move out into the boxroom for them. We actually bought bunks with a double at the bottom and a single on the top. This has been great for sleepovers, and families staying. She is 17 now, and usually sleeps in the double, in fact she often shares it with a friend as sleepovers are frequent. If her room had been slightly bigger we would have bought a single with a pull out underneath. I'm glad we didn't, as she regularly sprawls on the double with her laptop to study, or to watch tv.

DS on the other hand only got a double a few months ago at 19. He had been sleeping in a mid height cabin bed, but as he is now away at university half the year it made sense for his room to become the guest room, so we bought a double. He was really too old and big for the cabin bed too!

So, no answer to your question. I think doubles for children are becoming more usual, but we have really only bought them for our convenience.

I agree that if the rooms have the space this seems to be the modern way. My youngest DC got a double bed when she was 8 as we were looking ahead to selling the house and wanted it to be clear to any prospective purchaser that it was a double room. It worked and we sold the house a couple of years later and we moved into a house where all the rooms were doubles. At that point the 12 year old was given the option of a double or bunk beds and picked a double for the ‘grown up mess’ of it. We never regretted it. On a sleepover you can pack 3 or 4 youngsters into a double bed and they had the luxury of being able to spread out at nights. They are grown up now and mostly live away from home. When we use their rooms as guest rooms it’s nice to be able to offer adult guests a double rather than a single and when the DC visit with their DP a double is definitely better than bunks or twins.

A basic double needn’t cost much more than a single.

Whatever anyone else says or does, you say you don't don't have the budget for it at the moment so it's a non-starter! Just say no for that reason. If they feel strongly about it, maybe they can get it for birthday or Christmas? You'd have to get new double bed linen too if course, which is an extra cost.

Both mine have had doubles since middle teens. Oldest room is plenty large enough. Youngest’s room is more of a sqeeze with the bed tight to the wall and into the eves and his clothes storage in the small spare room. But he is the one who needs it most as he is tall and long limbed and just didn’t fit comfortably into a single anymore. No extra hassle making or changing double beds as they do their own.

I didn't have a double bed until my third year of uni.

My children have had double beds ever since they moved out of their cots. Was convenient because if we had overnight guests, we just moved one of them out of their room and into the other's room temporarily.

But that's irrelevant here because if you don't have the budget to buy new beds then they don't get new beds.