PIL have no funeral arrangements

[NG68]

PIL have no funeral plans and I fear that this will cause problems for me and DW later on.

They have no money and do not own their house. They're both retired so that situation isn't going to change. BIL never has any money either so it will all come back to us.

Me and DW have discussed this situation a few times and it's not really a conversation you like to have. She has talked to them as well but they don't seem to care. Last year they acquired a decent sum of money that could've taken care of this. They said they were going to put something in place but they didn't and the money has gone. I find them quite selfish to be honest. I couldn't imagine putting our DS in this position when we are older and we will make sure that never happens. They won't sign up to any plan because they say they can't afford the monthly payments.

That day will obviously come when one of them dies and we probably won't have the funds available to afford a funeral. I've told my DW that we shouldn't be getting into debt to fund anything and although she agrees now, I don't know how she will feel at that time.

It's unlikely they'll both die at the same time so one of them is going to be in a situation where they've got to make the arrangements and we're going to have to tell them we're not paying.

They've never really had any money but they did last year and could have sorted this last year but chose not to.

AIBU to refuse to pay for my PIL funerals when they've made no effort to arrange something themselves? What are we supposed to do? Take out a loan to pay for one funeral and then do the same again when the other one dies?

Surely you have 2 options. The first option, and really something that needs to be done, is to discuss it with them. Why are people so unwilling to talk about death? it's something that will happen to us all. If they don't want to talk about it or just bury their heads in the sand you perhaps need to remind them that you will be there to support them but tell them/give them the info on the council paupers funeral.

Secondly you simply need to make it clear to them that you can't/won't fund their funerals and again re-iterate that there is a council option. Just comes back to people taking responsibility for themselves. If their not bothered then their not bothered!

I don’t think you’re unreasonable and I think you should talk to your DW again and say that you will not be paying.

I went to one recently which was paid for by family because the deceased sibling had made no provision and the sight of the equally feckless friends of the deceased piling on to the free food and complaining when the money behind the bar ran out was nauseating.

People should have some self respect.

My parents have life insurance, My Inlaws don't have insurance or assets.
It is something we discussed, DP and I.
My aunt passed recently everyone went back to a hotel for tea, soups and sandwiches it easily cost a 1000 for that alone.
I doubt the council would stretch to a wake.

I imagine the OP is concerned that when the first partner dies, the survivor will be much less keen on a council arranged affair than some of you are guessing they might be now, and will want to access some of the money in the wider family for what they deem a more suitable send off. Or even that DH will. Council paid funerals are very, very bare bones. People sometimes feel differently about having one for a loved one when the time comes.

Most policies for funerals are a scam and a con! Personally I have told my family that I will come back and haunt them if I have anything more than the very cheapest funeral, I'd actually be glad to be thrown off the end of the pier!

Most policies for funerals are a scam and a con!

Total rubbish my brother had one and when he died it worked perfectly! How are they a scam @LadyRannaldini ? Have you ever actually bought one and used it m? Or are you just scaremongering!

notonthestairs says it exactly right, its a terrible family discussions made under stress
So the people who say they don’t care as they won’t be here anyway, think about the people you are leaving to do this.

I just checked the DWP grant for funeral expenses and it says if there is a relative such as child who is not in receipt of income related benefits the person will not be eligible.

So even if we were and dad is on pension credit it wouldn't work as by brother is not, and could not expect him to pay for it all.

Does it say what happens then home is it an enforceable debt on family?

Interesting thread, is it the deceased who has to have been claiming benefits or the family to access a public heath funeral? I’m anticipating this coming up with my brother at some point.

Public health funerals are different to funeral grants. The former are for when the deceased had no assets and there's no family member who is willing to pay. The dead person doesn't necessarily have to have been on an income based benefit, and there could be a relative with money who isn't going to pay.

Relatives can't be made to pay funeral costs just by virtue of being related, but if you're the one that makes arrangements with the funeral director you're liable.

If council have to pay cremation costs as no one is willing to pay for funeral it could be that there is no service or funeral, you don’t get to say your not going to pay but go along to the funeral

If council have to pay cremation costs as no one is willing to pay for funeral it could be that there is no service or funeral

^^this

Usually they take place early morning before the chapel is open, or last thing at night.

Interesting thread, is it the deceased who has to have been claiming benefits or the family to access a public heath funeral? I’m anticipating this coming up with my brother at some point.

If the only member of the family willing to take on the funeral is on benefits they can claim a funeral grant (it doesn't usually cover everything though).

If no-one is willing to organise/pay for a funeral for the deceased then the council will.

It is the same here, the grant is means tested to whoever is claiming it.
I would hate to have to the community officer while grieving, sitting in the hell hole waiting room, with all your paperwork to be scrutinised. The time I was out of work I saw what assholes work in the social welfare.
I am 38 life insurance is on my hit list this year.

Yes. There's nothing stopping you arranging something independently yourself, a service at a place of worship afterwards or whatever, but it won't happen as part of what the council pay for.

Don't underestimate the amount of pressure families have put on them to pay for relatives funerals. The state will do whatever it can to wriggle out of it and this is not usually the time when you feel up to fighting your corner.
My parents loathe funerals and don't want one. My father is a former undertaker so has no romantic notions about the reality of the business. They've set aside money for it (I think) but in truth they would prefer me to deny all responsibility and let the council just dispose of their bodies. I would actually be respecting their wishes if I did that, but I just can't imagine it. My dad got a mate of his to do my Ils funerals really cheaply but that option isn't open to many.
I think it's disgusting that a basic funeral isn't covered by taxation - I really believe the whole industry is exploiting people at their most vulnerable.

I know my brother would rather I allowed the state to dispose of him and, if I was going to spend any money at all, be a generous host at his wake. I also know that, in reality, I won’t be able to do that.