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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask those who have high earning partners......

469 replies

Hollypies · 16/04/2019 20:33

I’m shocked by the amount of women on MN with very high earning DP/DHs and I wonder, how did you meet and what is your life like? I can appreciate this is a little nosey, but after years of dating/being in relationships with men who are very low earners and with no ambitions in terms of their career....I’m very curious. I’ve always assumed that highly successful men/women usually mix with their own kind and meet an equally high earning spouse through their work or social circle... but thought it’d be interesting to ask!

OP posts:
Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 16/04/2019 21:53

Thanks holly

So what i said still stands Grin

CaledonianSleeper · 16/04/2019 21:53

Why is it offensive?
Because of the assumption that high earners will be men. Because of the curiosity about what their female partners’ lives are like - but only in the context of what life with these rich men must be like, and how they managed to meet them. Because of the clear implied objective of the OP to find out how she too can meet one of these male high earners. And because the point of the thread is to get women to come on here and tell us all how much their male partners earn.

CocoLoco87 · 16/04/2019 21:53

We met at school. DH went on to earn 6 figures, I work part time and earn min wage Grin

dreamingofsun · 16/04/2019 21:53

met at work. his background is quite poor though and i was from a much more affluent area. i'm in a management position but one that i can maintain whilst running the house and bringing the kids up

IvanaPee · 16/04/2019 21:54

My husband earns a very comfortable six figure salary.

I don’t earn as much but I’m relatively successful and well known in my field.

I work from home with my own business. I work around the dc to an extent.

I don’t consider us to be rich but we are very comfortably off.

We’re on track to technically be millionaires in a year or two. But you know how it goes! Life is expensive, too!

NunoGoncalves · 16/04/2019 21:55

OP is saying that for the purpose of this thread, if you earn over 100k per year you are a high earner. That's not difficult to understand, is it?

SoyDora · 16/04/2019 21:55

We met on a grad scheme for a bank, both earning the same amount. Both had a few promotions and carried on earning roughly the same for a few years. I’m now a temporary SAHM so he has overtaken me.

NoughtpercentAPR · 16/04/2019 21:57

Sorry I should have been more clear. By ‘high earning’, I was thinking 6 figures

Do you literally just mean £100,000 a year then? That's actually not that much money - most senior professionals would earn that sort of money. Try hanging round bars where solicitors, doctors in private hospitals or accountants go for starters.

SoyDora · 16/04/2019 21:57

Oh and in terms of what my life is like... not as luxurious as it was when we were both high earners! 3 children under 6 including a 14 week old so my life is about school runs, farm parks, soft play and nappy changes.

EssentialHummus · 16/04/2019 21:57

What is our life like? I'm a total penny-pincher and love the fact that our car is 20 years old and full of compost, he wants to shop at Waitrose and complains that we don't live in a smart enough neighbourhood... but he grew up dirt-poor in the USSR and I was much more comfortable, which I think informs all this. But we are not flashy at all - every once in a while someone will raise eyebrows at our holiday plans / the catering for a dinner / whatever, but we have friends from every walk of life, clothes from every shop going etc.

suckonthatmaureen · 16/04/2019 21:58

We are both higher than average earners, as are friends.

We all come from very diverse backgrounds, but the vast majority met at University, post grad courses, through friendship groups (friends of friends) or through work.

None of my friends (regardless of gender) married for money, but they did marry like minded people with similar interests and aspirations.

FamilyReferee · 16/04/2019 21:59

When my DH and I met, I earned more than he did (not high, but liveable). He was cruising along, where I was on a definite career path, with goals and ambitions. He liked where I was going in life, and fancied it himself, so we started working for the same goals, and over the years we've added to them - so what began as my dream has become a joint goal enhanced. I'm now a SAHM, and he has shot up the career ladder, and is the high earner.

We met at a party - we each went with a friend who was known to the person whose party it was, and got talking at the party, and that was that, and we've been together ever since.

redbedheadd · 16/04/2019 22:01

I think I'm the high earner in our relationship (well I was till I had a baby in Jan).

We met at uni, we were so poor after we slept on a single mattress on the floor... my DH is 6ft 3 so it wasn't the most comfortable. We both went into tech where the earning potential is really good and grafted. I went freelance at 27 and started earning £130k, my partner works for a well known company with amazing perks and earns £60k minus bonus and stock.

I don't think if you met us you would think we are high earners, we are very normal!

Whodafeck · 16/04/2019 22:02

I’m dating a high earner.

Met in a pub.

Shimy · 16/04/2019 22:05

We met at school. We worked lots of crap jobs together. He was always very ambitious and very intelligent, something i’ve Always been attracted to in a man.

FenellaMaxwell · 16/04/2019 22:05

I met my DH online. At the time we were both reasonably high earners. I worked in a job that whilst interesting and well paid had no career progression, whereas DH’s industry has a clear upward career path. Then we had a child and whilst I was on maternity, he got promoted. Twice. By the time I was due to come back off maternity, my company had restructured leaving me without a role there, and DH was far out-earning what we both earned before, so I took a different job that was much less well paid than my old one, and he has continued to rise up the ladder. We both work full time but I do all the housework, childcare etc because my commute is 20 mins and his is an hour and a half each way. He does do lots at the weekends though.

DuckofDoom · 16/04/2019 22:05

I’m not sure if we’re the sort of couple you mean in your question. My husband earns 6 figures but
when I met him, in a local club, he’d just been made redundant from his fairly low-paid job.

We’re both from council estates. He left school at 16 and the first decade or so of his working life was spent in unskilled, poorly-paid roles but he has quite niche expertise and has been able to apply that over the past 10 years, climbing up the ladder quite rapidly.

Not all women with high-earning partners met them when they were already successful. I’d say there’s a lot out there who met before their earnings started climbing.

As an aside, my husband doesn’t spend any time in wealthy circles (and definitely doesn’t look the part- he’s a scruffy Viking type!) so if you’re asking because you’re looking to meet a wealthy man, you might need to keep an open mind Wink

Titsywoo · 16/04/2019 22:09

I met DH through friends when we were teens. We got together when we were 23. He was tens of thousands in debt and earning very little. I had a decent job. We lived in house shares until we had our DD 3 years later then I quit my job and we moved away to help my parents run their business which was bloody hard but we paid off all our debt. When we left there 10 years ago DH got into a new career and very quickly moved through the ranks. 10 years ago he was earning £15k and now he earns six figures. I earn a lot less but work part time. Our life is pretty good - we live in the SE so we're not super rich by any means but we have a nice house and don't have to worry too much about money. Still have shit second hand cars and have a week holiday once a year but we spend a lot on our house at the moment.

DuckofDoom · 16/04/2019 22:11

I know it’s all relative, but since we both grew up in poverty, we definitely consider ourselves to be well-off. People will sneer and say the lower end of 6 figures isn’t even that much but we are incredibly grateful. For me, the biggest thing is that I never need to worry about petrol. If it’s low, we just fill it up. After growing up in a household where every car journey was meticulously budgeted, that’s a wondrous thing.

mamaoffourdc · 16/04/2019 22:14

Met in a bar, he earns more a month than what I did in a year

Nowaytm · 16/04/2019 22:15

Met dh through friends. I was more established than him. He earns shedloads more than me now. My job is much more interesting though. And I've basically brought up the children and done all the house stuff.

But most people I know in my situation met their husbands when they were younger. If they're older and more established, they tend to marry people doing similar jobs.

CupOhTea · 16/04/2019 22:16

Oh ok on £100k+. I was thinking a bit more than that. I know a few my sort of age, (mid thirties - early forties).

The ones I know earn that much or more met at work and university. I’m thinking of three couples in particular.

One couple the man and women met at university and then went to work in London. They used to earn about the same but she is now a sahm and he still works in the city and does very well.

Another couple met at work and he earned a lot more than she did at the time, (and was also married to someone else). He got divorced and then he got together with his now (second) wife. They have children together and she has overtaken him in earning, or they are at least level.

The third couple are an older man (late forties) and a woman a little younger than I am (think she’s early thirties). She was a PA / EA at his company when they got together. They are now married with children. I think because he is a bit older and more established at work and owned his own house etc when they met, that he now has more leeway to spend time doing family stuff. It seems to work well for them.

Impatienceismyvirtue · 16/04/2019 22:16

Met DH through mutual friends when I was a student and he was running his own small and failing business - I was 20 and he was 24. His business subsequently went under and he went back to college, found a new job in a new field and has absolutely FLOWN in the last 10 years. Owns several companies and is a very high earner. Overtook me with my degree years ago. I’m very proud of him and so glad we met - he is a lovely person as well as successful.

AgnesNaismith · 16/04/2019 22:18

I’m an introverted strategist addicted to men with drive. He is earning 10x more because of this Wink

CupOhTea · 16/04/2019 22:19

People will sneer and say the lower end of 6 figures isn’t even that much

I think £100k+ is plenty for most people tbh! Nobody should sneer at that. It’s more than our total household income and we manage to get by in one of the most expensive parts of the country.

But “high earner” to me means £150k+, as those are the people who seem really comfortably off round here. The op has now clarified that she means £100k+ though.