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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are WE the CFs here or neighbours??

553 replies

TigersRoll · 16/04/2019 16:56

3 houses share our driveway (including ours). So you get the 1st house and then ours next to each other and then at the end you get the 3rd house. 3rd house is a big house and has a double driveway (prob enough room for 3 cars anyway). 1st and 2nd house have a tiny section of driveway each, ours been the smallest, barely big enough for one car.

Anyway, DH likes to faff with his car, our driveway is too small to do anything on so during the day when everyone is at work he pulls it into the shared bit. Occasionally he parks his work van on the shared bit but basically, if anything is on the shared bit, 3rd house can’t get to their driveway which is why DH does it when everyone is at work.

This worked well for ages, occasionally woman next door would come home early but would park at the top on the street and walk down. One time all of a sudden she came home at 11am (!) came storming down the driveway carrying a number of bags (she’s a nurse) and muttered something about so much for buying a house with a driveway”. DH was confused as she’s never mentioned it before but he moved his car straight away anyway.
A week or so later we had workmen at the house and they parked on the shared drive. She came home from worked, marched up to the workmen and told them they had to move. This meant packing up tools, ladders and various other stuff before reversing out of the drive just so she could park next to her house. As soon as she was in they moved everything back, low and behold they came out almost immediately and said they had to move as she was going out. They did, she went out and reappeared 15 minutes later again telling the workmen they had to move everything!!! Surely if she knew she was going back out she could have just parked at top of drive where there is tons of room??

Anyway she appears to be making a point of doing this now everytime DH has something on the shared driveway but has never actually spoken to him about it!

Last night we got an angry knock on the door. Her husband was stood there and he looked at our car and said “can you move it” in a really snappy tone. It’s a big car (Land Rover) and as our driveway is so small the arse of it sometimes sticks out into the shared bit. Unfortunately neighbour also has a Land Rover making getting past a bit of a squeeze. DH looked at the car and the space (as it was on our driveway) and the bloke snapped “I’m not scratching my car again trying to get past. Move it”. DH then had to move the car so it was practically touching our garage door. This bloke has always been very pleasant before so it seems so out of character!

AIBU to think his wife has started some kind of vendetta against us and roped him into it or is it our fault??

OP posts:
LunafortJest · 20/04/2019 20:05

Where on earth do you live that 2 houses, let alone THREE, share a driveway? Wtf? That sounds like absolute hell. Do you all live packed in a tiny building? Gees, even in dense big cities, high rise apartments have parking spaces for each tenant. Your setup sounds like a nightmare and not somewhere I'd want to live for a week. But all that aside, it seems like you haven't asked them if it's ok or even given them a heads up if you have workmen over. Sometimes just letting them know is appreciated. There was a thread on here not long ago about a similar situation but regarding a driveway and wall and the CF neighbours just plonked ladders and building materials in the middle of the driveway, no thought for others. Often didn't bother letting the neighbours know beforehand.

Invite them over or go over there and hash it all out. It might be that they feel taken for granted, by that I mean that they feel like you don't communicate. If people ask their neighbours if it's ok or give them a heads up about needing the driveway, that simple courtesy could go a long way.

FinallyHere · 20/04/2019 20:06

My first DP was like this. I thought it was a problem with shared access to houses.

Turned out he was just a bit of an arse.

Reader, I left him. Hurrah. No more disputes with neighbours.

ChilliScallops · 20/04/2019 20:07

YAdefinitelyBU. I have a similar set up and it’s so annoying not being able to come and go as I please. I often have to get out and find someone to move the car, obviously neighbour has no urgency to move. Especially annoying when I have timed my leave time only to be held up by a car in the shared driveway.

Pawsandnoses · 20/04/2019 20:07

I would firstly, run DH plant pot over with his own range rover and then go round to neighbours with a large bottle of gin and an apology for the fact he is such a twit.

FelicisNox · 20/04/2019 20:19

YABU sorry, you have no right to block anyones driveway at any time for any reason and if it involves workman knock on your neighbours door and check it's ok first.

Yes, they could have spoken to you about this but likewise you are not showing them any basic courtesies so it goes both ways.

Pop a note through their letterbox, invite them to pop over for tea and cake (or wine and nibbles) and talk it through with them because it looks like they've hit their limit with YOUR rudeness (even if it's unintended).

You need to start by apologising.

nonevernotever · 20/04/2019 20:24

Mm off topic @lunafortjest I don't know where you are but certainly here a lot of new blocks of flats are built on the presumption of 60% car parking so only 6 spaces for every 10 flats....

LunafortJest · 20/04/2019 20:29

Yikes, just read all your replies on here OP, your husband sounds like a sexist pig as well as self-centred. Where do you live? I mean, do you live in a big city, or is it rural? Because all these range rovers in the city is a big pain and rarely necessary. I get being car proud, but don't they have car washes he can go to?

Your husband is clearly a selfish arsehole who is destroying things for all the lot of you and making life miserable for everyone around you and every day life a lot harder than it really has to be. And for what? What gain does he get, except a shiny monster that takes up room?

Maybe you need to get together with the neighbour, explain you are on their side, and maybe you guys could concoct a plan, one that prevents him from getting the car out and washing it, or blocks him in for several hours. He might get the message if you and the neighbours team up together. If the neighbours see you are sympathetic and on their side, that will be half the battle and will make things easier for you, even when your husband is raging.

Attitude84 · 20/04/2019 20:36

Seems so small n petty to me. Id have words with them all. It’s understandable that they want to park outside their own home, fair enough. However, they also need to learn to share a tiny bit as they have the bigger driveways and you all have cars and work that needs doing. Surely they’d be able to reach a grownup compromise?

Jux · 20/04/2019 20:40

Why can't he park in the street and our small car (it is smaller than the Landy?) on your drive? That's the sensible arrangemen

Your dh sounds like a keeper, doesn't he? Petty, selfish, mysoginistic, ignorant, bad mannered..... there's no end to his charms. Don't have children with him, you'll regret it.

S1naidSucks · 20/04/2019 20:40

Why should the neighbours have to compromise when they’re doing absolutely nothing wrong? The dickhead is blocking a right of way. How would fancy coming home from a night shift, picking up shopping then have to wait while dickhead faffs around moving his car? He needs to grow the fuck up.

MoaningMinniee · 20/04/2019 20:52

Unless TigersRoll's husband is spectacularly good in bed I can't think of any reason for her to stay with him. In every other way he sounds like an inconsiderate arse.

Lizzie48 · 20/04/2019 20:57

I agree that the OP should get shot of her pain in the arse DH. He sounds like such an embarrassment.

Jux · 20/04/2019 21:21

Do what Pawsandnoses ^^ suggested.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 20/04/2019 21:47

Your DH is the CF. You, poor thing, are taking the flak. Pawsandnoses has the right idea. I would also then give his keys to the neighbour for safekeeping.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 20/04/2019 21:52

I expect the only reason they haven't taken this further is that any dispute would have to be declared when they inevitably decide they've had enough and try and sell.

That's a very good point, but I think it's also the case that they know that OP's husband is a vile bully and are scared that 'crossing' him will only lead to worse repercussions. Isn't there an old saying about having a gravestone affirming that you were in the right all along?

He's just lucky that they aren't as brazen, selfish, nasty and bullying (and maybe as physically burly) as he is. If they were, it wouldn't be an occasional nervous knock at the door when they absolutely had to use their own drives for unloading heavy furniture or whatever. It would be an automatic breeze block through his windscreen - every single time.

EffYouSeeKaye · 20/04/2019 21:53

Oh dear. Your dh is a massive twat.

Aquilla · 20/04/2019 21:55

YABU I'm afraid...

manicmij · 20/04/2019 23:40

Would check the Deeds and any Conditions attached to the property. Not really understanding why 3 properties have a shared drive, is it an access area. If so there should be something in Deeds eg who pays for repIrs and likely the conditions of use.

Ruru8thestars · 21/04/2019 00:20

He’s a prize twat

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 21/04/2019 02:04

Check what it says in your deeds.

If you're blocking a shared driveway you're in the wrong whenever you block it to use it and it sounds like they're annoyed at you constantly blocking it.

You're blocking their access and they could actually take further action to stop you doing it if there is an agreement that you're not to block it in your deeds.

YABU.

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 21/04/2019 02:26

Wow.
I just read the updates and what an utter arrogant obnoxious dick your HB is, OP.

If all he does is wash his car on weekends he sounds as dull as dishwater.

I suggest a nice load of horse manure dumped all over his precious car.

Ask the neighbours if they'll help you get the horse manure or at least get the ok from them first.

For added effect, throw the pot plant on top of it for the cherry on the top.Grin

Does he actually have any redeeming features?

I'm surprised your DH doesn't get letters redirected from the neighbours addressed to him as "That Dick with the Land Rover"

Hugs OP, but he's a grade A dick.

Cookies2015 · 21/04/2019 06:51

You could probably save this with a chat with your husband about not doing it anymore without asking, then go and apologise to your neighbours for the inconvenience. Then you don't do it without asking them or alternatively do it on the road. It must be very stressful for your neighbour having to worry everytime she comes home. It's you that need to budge here and make the move to stop this from escalating.

GinUnicorn · 21/04/2019 07:46

@Attitude84 they don’t need to compromise at all. They brought a place with a bigger driveway as it suits their needs. If only having one small parking space doesn’t suit the OPs needs they can either park elsewhere or find a more suitable property. They have no right to inconvenience the neighbours.

Dramaqueenbee · 21/04/2019 08:40

Think there’s more of an issue with your husband than the neighbours Tiger. You know the answer to your own question on who the CF’s are. I’m sensing you have deeper issues and are maybe in an unhappy marriage. Sometimes you don’t need to hear comments on what an idiot you are married to as you probably know that already. I hope you are ok ?

LuckyVal · 21/04/2019 09:37

^This^

Not sure OP needs hundreds of posts saying the same thing over and over.

Hope you’re okay.

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