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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are WE the CFs here or neighbours??

553 replies

TigersRoll · 16/04/2019 16:56

3 houses share our driveway (including ours). So you get the 1st house and then ours next to each other and then at the end you get the 3rd house. 3rd house is a big house and has a double driveway (prob enough room for 3 cars anyway). 1st and 2nd house have a tiny section of driveway each, ours been the smallest, barely big enough for one car.

Anyway, DH likes to faff with his car, our driveway is too small to do anything on so during the day when everyone is at work he pulls it into the shared bit. Occasionally he parks his work van on the shared bit but basically, if anything is on the shared bit, 3rd house can’t get to their driveway which is why DH does it when everyone is at work.

This worked well for ages, occasionally woman next door would come home early but would park at the top on the street and walk down. One time all of a sudden she came home at 11am (!) came storming down the driveway carrying a number of bags (she’s a nurse) and muttered something about so much for buying a house with a driveway”. DH was confused as she’s never mentioned it before but he moved his car straight away anyway.
A week or so later we had workmen at the house and they parked on the shared drive. She came home from worked, marched up to the workmen and told them they had to move. This meant packing up tools, ladders and various other stuff before reversing out of the drive just so she could park next to her house. As soon as she was in they moved everything back, low and behold they came out almost immediately and said they had to move as she was going out. They did, she went out and reappeared 15 minutes later again telling the workmen they had to move everything!!! Surely if she knew she was going back out she could have just parked at top of drive where there is tons of room??

Anyway she appears to be making a point of doing this now everytime DH has something on the shared driveway but has never actually spoken to him about it!

Last night we got an angry knock on the door. Her husband was stood there and he looked at our car and said “can you move it” in a really snappy tone. It’s a big car (Land Rover) and as our driveway is so small the arse of it sometimes sticks out into the shared bit. Unfortunately neighbour also has a Land Rover making getting past a bit of a squeeze. DH looked at the car and the space (as it was on our driveway) and the bloke snapped “I’m not scratching my car again trying to get past. Move it”. DH then had to move the car so it was practically touching our garage door. This bloke has always been very pleasant before so it seems so out of character!

AIBU to think his wife has started some kind of vendetta against us and roped him into it or is it our fault??

OP posts:
S1naidSucks · 19/04/2019 21:50

No, MsRabbitRocks, it sounds as if he’s being an even more arrogant dick than usual, to deliberately piss the neighbours off.

TheLoverOfTea · 19/04/2019 21:53

Yep you're definitely the CF. Sorry op. Confused

SusieSusieSoo · 20/04/2019 06:22

So when your workmen were due to come did it occur to you to speak to your neighbour & ask them if they minded if they parked on the shared pathway? Or if they were going to be inconvenienced by it?

Sounds like you didn't.

As pp has said your neighbours have / need access to their house & drive all the time not just when you imagine they'll be home from work.

No sympathy from me op but then I'm in the position of your neighbour and it's taken a lot of effort over 20 blooming years to maintain ownership/custody of my own garden with all the cf's who've tried to claim it as the local car park/spare parking over the years it was especially tricky when I lived on my own & had a mini but I managed it. I'm sure my neighbours think I'm a bit odd about it but mine's the only house that doesn't have the view of a cul de sac car park & that's why I moved here in the first place.

Biscuitfor you op - my first ever

rosedream · 20/04/2019 08:05

I'd say he has more issues than just being obnoxious and inconsiderate to the neighbour.
I expect he may be very difficult in all walks of life.

Dippypippy1980 · 20/04/2019 08:27

OP ohas said on other threads that she is on the spectrum, which could explain why she struggles to see who is in the wrong here.

It doesn’t excuse her husband appalling behaviour - but maybe explains some of the postings

flowergrrl77 · 20/04/2019 17:25

I was gonna type YABU but reading on, I see that really, it’s your husband that’s Unreasonable :(

You even take care to not park your car on the drive at all, just so he can get his far too big car (is yours smaller? Swap whose is where if so tbh) and he should never put his work van anywhere on that shared bit!

Good luck OP.

ClaireScot · 20/04/2019 17:25

Why have you got a landrover? If you had a smaller car you wouldn't be having so many problems. You could even fit it in the garage.

cuppycakey · 20/04/2019 17:34

YABVU

I used to live next door to CF just like you who did this - one of the reasons I moved.

MummasTheWord · 20/04/2019 17:41

Unfortunately they are in the right, she was nice to only cause a fuss now. Even if they have more room on their actual drive, it is no good if they can’t reach it. Could you extend your drive sideways a bit? I think there will be times, like builders in etc that you will need to block it, but then you’d need to give notice to them and hope they oblige.

DeRigueurMortis · 20/04/2019 17:58

Your DH is an arrogant tit.

Solution to the issue is to LTB, kick him out and park your car on the drive, then make peace with the neighbours.

He really is a prize shit. Car too big for the drive but he won't park on the road. Garage full of his tools. Placing pots to deliberately cause and obstruction. Tinkering with his car blocking access to neighbours.

It's all about him isn't it.....

What a total and utter carcock...

csigeek · 20/04/2019 18:01

So you're kind of being CF's because it is access to their drive.
But.
Check the land deeds. When we lived in a set up like that we owned, and were responsible for upkeep of, the section of drive our neighbours had to drive over.
Basically you could be CF's but have every legal right to be.

DownyEmerald · 20/04/2019 18:21

We have a shared drive - except we own it and NDN own a tiny bit at end where their garage was and have right of access. But they treat it as theirs - multiple cars, multiple family etc etc. I expect they would be surprised at how much stress DP feels about it - I think you are in a similar situation - except you've been causing the stress for years.

bridgetreilly · 20/04/2019 18:28

OP, I'm really sorry you have to live with this man. I expect your neighbours also feel sorry for you.

OP's husband, if you're reading (I expect you are), please stop being so bloody selfish in every part of your life. If you really need a driveway large enough to wash your car every week, buy a house with a bigger drive.

bridgetreilly · 20/04/2019 18:29

Check the land deeds. When we lived in a set up like that we owned, and were responsible for upkeep of, the section of drive our neighbours had to drive over. Basically you could be CF's but have every legal right to be.

Nope. Even if you own it, the neighbours will have legally protected access to their property, giving them the right to drive over your bit whenever they want.

perfectstorm · 20/04/2019 18:30

Does your husband have the same contempt for your rights and needs, and the same minutely pedantic, absolute insistence on the letter of his own, as he does the neighbours', OP? In my experience men like that have a certain mindset, and it does not start and end at the front door. In fact they tend to be far worse with partners than they are strangers, neighbours and friends.

Are you okay?

lovealookabout · 20/04/2019 18:57

Christ your having a hard time aren’t you. Post about a son being involved with drugs, a friends announcing autistic son, and a parking dilemma all in the space of a week..

Ated · 20/04/2019 19:07

Buy a house with its' own drive and you'll never have a problem.

Wauden · 20/04/2019 19:08

Hmm The clue is in the word 'shared'.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 20/04/2019 19:19

Another one here OP ...You are the the CFs.....move your car back to your spot...If I were them I would be raging too....

McHelenz · 20/04/2019 19:21

Completely agree with the consensus. If it was near us my OH would of rammed your range rover out of the way by now. Also, Im a nurse and I'm sure others will agree. When I come off shift, the last thing I can deal with is bellends like this.

bubblegumunicorn · 20/04/2019 19:32

You sound like my neighbors they bought a house with space for 1 car then bought two they park the other on a mix of the grass and in our space so we couldn’t park a car there we don’t have one but we do have regular visitors and it annoys me so much when you can’t get in to the space you paid for so it is you unfortunately if you need more space you should really look at moving house!

m0therofdragons · 20/04/2019 19:45

Oh god I hate confrontation but it really pisses me off when neighbour's friend blocks our drive. She's don't it now. We once needed to rush a rabbit to the vet and had to ask her to move (it was 6.15pm so vet was waiting for us) and she was still chatting while we all sat in the bloody car waiting for her. Shared driveways should be clear at all times unless you've given notice/asked nicely for workmen to come. It's not on your neighbour to ask you not to be a cf!

She's entitled to get home whatever time she likes, even 11am with bags!

m0therofdragons · 20/04/2019 19:50

Wow, just read a bit more of the thread. I'm not a housewife - senior management. Does that make a difference?

FinallyHere · 20/04/2019 19:52

occasionally woman next door would come home early but would park at the top on the street and walk down.

Thus is a clue. Do not park blocking anyone's access to their own drive.

YABVVU

Lizzie48 · 20/04/2019 19:57

There are quite a lot of posters who are refusing to take in the fact that it’s the OP’s DH who is the CF. The OP parks her car on the road. But why bother to read the thread when you can have a good pile on??