Child neglect or something normal?

[MonaLisaDoesntSmile]

Not a party here, just something I noticed and wandered people's opinions.

So, when I went shopping today to a local to a local supermarket , as I went in I noticed a child (5-6 years old?) with a big shopping bag and an older lady talking to the child. I assumed they were together. At the tills the same old lady was agitated, complaining to the casshier and waving a phone around, saying she was about to call social services or whatever. Turned out the child was in the supermarket on their own, doing weekly shopping (the bag did look quite big and heavy), and apprently told the lady they lived a block or two away, and that their mother sent them to pick a couple of things. For the reference, I live in a city. The lady thought it was unresponsible of the mother to send child shopping unaccompanied when it's dangerous, they could get kidpanned or whatever, plus they had to carry the heavy bag on their own. But by the time she got the phone, the kid took the shopping they paid for and left and she was unhappy the supermarket staff did not think it approoprate to have alerted someone about it. The casshier was saying she saw the same kid shopping before on their own as well, but she deemed it normal.

That got me thinking- I was brought up in a large city myself, used to go back to school and come back on my own, there was nothing unusual with kids going shopping without parents (admittedly to pick a couple of things parents may have forgotten, not a weekly shop!), we spent a lot more time unsupervised in the play area. I do get things get more dangerous, plus there is an issue of how much the kid had to carry.

What is everyone's verdict- was the lady overreacting, or should it be something that would worry you?

There is a Japanese TV programme where very young children are sent out to pick up a bit of shopping. It's apparently not that uncommon over there. TV cameras follow discreetly and the parents and commentators watch the footage and find it quite hilarious.

Also in Africa, probably Asia too, very young children are sent out to sell things like sweets, snacks and cigarettes. It's obviously not ideal, and is done to put food on the table, but these children aren't raised to the same standards as British children, which by the way, isn't the gold standard.

When a child is raised to be more responsible from an early age, the goalposts are different. British children do tend to be quite mollycoddled these days, even compared to 40, 50 or 60 years ago.

for all anyone knows this child’s parents could be disabled and don’t have any family nearby that can go shopping for them.

That doesn't make it acceptable.

Definitely not normal there is no way I would even let me 7 year old out unattended let alone to go shopping and I live in one of the safest parts of the country.

Too young at 12 to nip to the shop and get a few items of shopping? Utterly ridiculous. The supermarkets closest to the schools in out town is full of 10-11-12 yo buying snacks. Where are those SW who think this is putting their life at risk?

No it's not normal. If my 5 year old went out alone she wouldn't come back. She doesn't understand road safety and she'd probably talk to strangers. Never mind buying the correct items and paying properly. I'd be concerned about why the child was having so much responsibility placed upon it.

Just asked my husband this and he said not until our kids are 10 and in the last year of primary school would he co wider letting them nip to the shops. We live in a small village but have quite a busy main road through and that worries us the most (also all the crap they'd no doubt end up buying 😂)

If the child looked confident, happy, reasonable clean/tidy etc then I wouldn’t think to report it. It’s only in recent years that people have started treating children like toddlers until they’re teenagers. The UK is getting ridiculous with this.

That child could easily be a lot older and have a parent with a disability that makes getting to the supermarket difficult, it doesn’t make them a bad parent at all & it doesn’t make the child neglected.

The child had ONE bag of shopping, it’s hardly ‘a weeks shopping’.

The first thing that came to my mind is that the parent (whether it’s the mum or the dad) is unwell and the child is acting as a carer.

The child was NOT distressed nor were they picking up crap. They were doing a real shopping knowing exactly what to take etc....
Tbh that’s not what I would expect a 5 yo to have the ability to do so I would say your evaluation of the age is wrong. At 9~10yo, they shouod be able to bring back what has been written in a list/being told to buy. But they also are very much used to it which is what makes me think they might well be a carer for a parent.

And, unfortunately, they are many children who are carers like this....

Children will behave & be responsible to the level you expect them to. You only have to look at some ‘Young carers’ to see how responsible and able children can be. I feel for the young carers who don’t get a break, but I REALLY think other parents could do worse than seeing what these kids are capable of & realising their children COULD be more able and more responsible if they were allowed to be.

Dd wasn’t a carer.

I could have sent her to the shop with a list on her phone.

She still looked 5/6 at 11.

Unless you know the actual real age of the child concerned, this post is pointless really.

for all anyone knows this child’s parents could be disabled and don’t have any family nearby that can go shopping for them.

That doesn't make it acceptable.

Except Icerebel that there is no support in place and therefore no other choice for many parents than to rely on their dc for day to day stuff such as shopping/cleaning the house/cooking etc....
I would agree it’s not acceptable but the people responsible aren’t the parents there (not when they are ill/disabled). It’s us as a society that are happy to let that sort of stuff happen.

But the world - well our part of the world - has gotten safer because we have removed risks eg dc are strapped in to car seats whereas in the 70s not so, dc are not left on their own in the car in a pub car park with a packet of crisps while the parents are in the pub - and if they are it is frowned on. It has not become safer randomly.

I'd assume they weren't 5 but older. My small 10-yr-old would go into the supermarket to pick up some bits and pieces whilst I was in a shop next door. If someone had asked him where he lived, he'd have said a few blocks away (but that didn't mean I was a few blocks away) and that I knew he was in the supermarket . . .

Def not normal. I’m in my late 40s and never did this as a child even though the shops weren’t far. Like my likes I was 10-11 before I was allowed to go anywhere unaccompanied- this is due to road safety, being approached by adults, etc. Obv I played out in the street with other children. but I am talking about actually going ‘somewhere’.

That child could easily be a lot older and have a parent with a disability that makes getting to the supermarket difficult, it doesn’t make them a bad parent at all & it doesn’t make the child neglected

Not all neglect is deliberate. If a child is taking on domestic responsibility not appropriate for their age because a parent is ill or disabled then that's not the parents fault and it doesn't make them a bad parent, but it could still be detrimental to the child and so it still needs to be brought to the attention of the relevent authorities. If a 5 year old is doing the shopping what else is she expected to do? Cleaning? Looking after younger siblings? Does she have to miss school in order to do this? Maybe her parent isn't ill or disabled at all, maybe they're too hungover to do the shopping or maybe they just can't be arsed. Maybe not, maybe everything is fine. But the woman OP saw was right to ask questions and to want someone in a position of authority to check that all is well with the child and their family.

If it was local shop near housing perfectly normal

If a child is too young to be able to understand and calculate the money needed to buy shopping, then I think s/he's too young to be shopping alone.

You really have to ask if this is normal?

What's wrong with a five year old doing a bit of cleaning? My sister had to empty the bins in the bedrooms at five or six. Big deal! I had to sweep the dining room after dinner. They were age-appropriate chores.

Agree with @MinisterforCheekyFuckery . A disabled parent etc is not relevant here. A 5/6 year old shouldn't be doing a large shop. Going to the corner shop for a pint of milk might be ok depending on the child.

I remember my mother asking me to run up the street to the greengrocer to collect her vegetable order. She wrapped the money in a bit of paper. I remember being very embarrassed as I couldn't say 'vegetables' properly and asked for 'My mummy's vegebabbles' or something like that. The greengrocer knew who I was and put the veg into the shopping back I'd brought (loose, as veg were served in those days). I had just started primary school, so 5. I was anxious about saying 'vegetables' but apart from that, very proud to be thought so reliable and capable. But to do a weekly shop in a supermarket? No.

shopping bag, not back.

Bet the child was older.

But even so, he was clearly managing just fine. I don’t think it’s an issue and would think well done little fellow!

A really mature 8 year old I can understand, but not a 5 year old (although I have taken my son and he has independently chosen a magazine, bought it and walked out of the shop. I was watching the whole time but he wanted to feel grown up)
Although what about if he/she is a young career? And that food is for his/her tea?

Children are perfectly capable of a lot more than they are often let do. Where is the physical or psychological harm in this? Plenty of people would let a 6 yr old walk a block to a friends house or green space to play football. Why not the shop to do something useful for the family?