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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child neglect or something normal?

111 replies

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 16/04/2019 14:59

Not a party here, just something I noticed and wandered people's opinions.

So, when I went shopping today to a local to a local supermarket , as I went in I noticed a child (5-6 years old?) with a big shopping bag and an older lady talking to the child. I assumed they were together. At the tills the same old lady was agitated, complaining to the casshier and waving a phone around, saying she was about to call social services or whatever. Turned out the child was in the supermarket on their own, doing weekly shopping (the bag did look quite big and heavy), and apprently told the lady they lived a block or two away, and that their mother sent them to pick a couple of things. For the reference, I live in a city. The lady thought it was unresponsible of the mother to send child shopping unaccompanied when it's dangerous, they could get kidpanned or whatever, plus they had to carry the heavy bag on their own. But by the time she got the phone, the kid took the shopping they paid for and left and she was unhappy the supermarket staff did not think it approoprate to have alerted someone about it. The casshier was saying she saw the same kid shopping before on their own as well, but she deemed it normal.

That got me thinking- I was brought up in a large city myself, used to go back to school and come back on my own, there was nothing unusual with kids going shopping without parents (admittedly to pick a couple of things parents may have forgotten, not a weekly shop!), we spent a lot more time unsupervised in the play area. I do get things get more dangerous, plus there is an issue of how much the kid had to carry.

What is everyone's verdict- was the lady overreacting, or should it be something that would worry you?

OP posts:
User28817462737483899 · 16/04/2019 15:33

I think the fact the child was talking to the caring lady he/she was seen with, is a worry in and of itself. Sounds like child is v trusting. That kind lady could have been anyone (and scares me to think who), and sounds like the kid is being placed in a situation they could easily be extremely vulnerable in.

When I was about 8 I got left on my own a bit but was always told not to talk to strangers and to run if anyone tried to get me to go anywhere with them, or tried to talk to me too much. I just don't think this little kid sounds very safe and sounds way too trusting. I'd b very concern d for him/her.

User28817462737483899 · 16/04/2019 15:35

..and being a child care doesn't mean it's ok to be put in vulnerable positions or neglected.

User28817462737483899 · 16/04/2019 15:36

*carer

IceRebel · 16/04/2019 15:37

sounds like the kid is being placed in a situation they could easily be extremely vulnerable in.

Indeed, and if this is a regular occurrence then sooner or later someone is going to take advantage of the child. Whether taking the money / card used for the shopping, or worse.

JulianDickGeorgeAndTimmy · 16/04/2019 15:39

I have only just started sending my 10 year old into the supermarket to get 2/3 things with me sitting directly outside. This sounds like neglect

downcasteyes · 16/04/2019 15:56

I would be worried. A 5-7 year old might be able competently to do a shop and take it home, but if they have to think outside of a straightforward situation they are not necessarily going to know what to do. This leaves them vulnerable not just to those with bad intent but to all kinds of accidental happenings.

I imagine that there may be other issues behind this - possibly a child who is taking on caring responsibilities for an unwell parent?

HoraceCope · 16/04/2019 16:01

it is not normal, why do you need to ask

YouJustDoYou · 16/04/2019 16:03

It's ok in DHs home country. For a 5 year old in a city especially I wouldn't let mine do it.

YouJustDoYou · 16/04/2019 16:03

In this country I mean.

swingofthings · 16/04/2019 16:07

A friend of my daughter in primary school looked about five when she was 8. No learning or health issues, she was just tiny and had a very young face. People always assumed she was younger than her 3 years older brother.

Maybe the lady and cashier could have asked her her age?

Piffle11 · 16/04/2019 16:08

I wouldn't do it. And I do think the supermarket should be alert to things like this - it may not be their job to police such matters, but I think if I saw this child on a regular basis I'd be wondering what was going on at home. Everyone turning a blind eye or expecting someone else to bother is why a lot of issues go unchecked.

Humpy84 · 16/04/2019 16:09

Totally unacceptable, if this what the community is seeing about this child’s experience, then what aren’t they seeing.

I think it’s great that someone got involved. Children are vulnerable and reliant on other adults to protect them. Some children don’t have networks, big families or responsible adults, they’re reliant on the community. If we saw beyond our own noses in the day to day then how much better would our society be.

Reddedder · 16/04/2019 16:11

Could be they looked younger. My DS is 11 but looks about 6/7

cherrryontop · 16/04/2019 16:12

5-6 years old is totally unacceptable and is child neglect.

My daughter is 5 and so are her friends, and there is not a chance I would have her go anywhere by herself. Not even out of the front door onto the driveway.

5 years old is an infant. Reception age in school. It's absolutely disgraceful that someone would send them to go to the shops alone. It's just as disgraceful that the child wasn't kept in the store and police called.

aprilviolets · 16/04/2019 16:15

my Mum sent me to buy her fags and a list of other things (written down on a piece of paper) when I was 7 and I managed to do it.
This was 1981 though!
I doubt most kids have the freedom to do this nowadays and so don't learn till they're tween age plus.
5 is way too young though.

sam221 · 16/04/2019 16:17

Sorry but in this situation I would have called the police(forgoing SS)- a 5/6year old doing full shop is neglectful.
I would rather have a overaction but at least the child would be bought before the attention of local authorities-should anything else subsequently occur, the child would be helped.

TragicallyUnbeyachted · 16/04/2019 16:18

It depends on the clarification of "5-6", "a block or two" and "weekly shopping" -- we live two doors away from a Sainsbury's Local and I let my older two go in there with a short list and buy stuff when they were probably 6 (old enough to read the list, anyway). They were not going to get kidnapped on the way. And obviously I think that's fine (I know plenty of people don't). But I think a 5yo, several blocks away, doing the weekly shop, is inappropriate. Somewhere in the middle of that spectrum there comes a point where it crosses over from "OK" to "not OK" but I'm not certain where that is.

stucknoue · 16/04/2019 16:19

It depends on how old they were. My DD's were tiny, they were well into junior school before the bus company thought they were 5 (this worked out well going on outings too) at 8 my dd would nip to the nearby Tesco

Aeroflotgirl · 16/04/2019 16:20

My dd 12 has a SW as she has ASD and learning difficulties, a few years ago I was upset that she wasen't able to go to the local shop independently like some of her peers are doing, and he said, that even if she did not have her difficulties, she would be too young to do that.

BiscuitDrama · 16/04/2019 16:22

Not normal or ok but depends on the age of the child. We have a friend with a 9yr old who looks younger than my six yr old.

Lovemusic33 · 16/04/2019 16:26

Not a normal thing to do at all. I live in a village and most people seem to start sending their child down to the local shop when they are 9 or ten but roads are not busy here and most people know each other. No way would I send a child that young 5-7 years to do a weekly shop in a city. I would be very concerned that the child is being neglected or that his mother is unwell and unable to care for him (get the shopping herself).

Glitterblue · 16/04/2019 16:26

I wouldn't even send my 9 year old. In her school, they're not even allowed (by the school) to walk to and from school on their own until year 4, so 8-9, and that's in a small village.

Whodafeck · 16/04/2019 16:30

My DD at age 11 (going to secondary school) needed aged 6-7 school uniform and looked much younger than her age.

A very helpful lady once took her hand in a spar carpark wand walked her to me. And berated me for leaving her to cross the car park on her own. (Car park had one set Of cars parked in front of the shops, and then a “road “and another line of cars parked after the road where people drove around the small carpark)

She had a rather red face when I explained (DD was indignantly shouting at her).

Yousicktwistedfruit · 16/04/2019 16:31

I was a bit older than that and use to go shopping for my mum on my own my parents are disabled and couldn’t get out to do the shopping so for all anyone knows this child’s parents could be disabled and don’t have any family nearby that can go shopping for them.

PortiaCastis · 16/04/2019 16:32

A 5 year old would come back with the wrong shopping surely! We have a friend whose ds lokks about 7 when he is in fact 12 he just hasn't grown yet.