About a different meal to the one that's been slaved over?

[breakthepattern]

Person A thinks that's what's been served for dinner (2 adults, 2 DC under 7) is what we're eating. End of. If you don't like it, you don't eat it, that's your choice. It's delicious and not "out there" or very unusual.

Person B thinks if you've never had it before, try it a little and then say you don't like it, it's ok for you to be made an alternative just for you, so you don't go hungry.

Who is BU?

For further info it's one of the DC refusing the food.

It's squash risotto with sage and pine nuts so quite "adult" depending on your perspective / diet.

And the replacement alternative was a ham and cheese wrap, no cooking involved.

Oh the arguments we had in our house when DD was 3/4/5 now.
I do ALL the cooking so when I had spent a considerable time making a nice meal to have dc look at it, 'Yuck' push it away then ask Daddy for her pudding instead. I seethed and raged. I was a 'Go Hungry' then camp. H is a the B option.
Over the years we both have agreed on following system, H is a 'must have pudding at every dinner time' - I'm not. DD always wants a pudding, so now she has to eat half of her dinner before pudding (which is now fruit), I don't care if she hates it, you want pudding? Eat half of it then.

Without being mean, I think I also make 'fancier' risotto than you, possibly because it's less of a 'go to' meal for us
Not being mean at all!
It's not my only go to meal and I have different types of risotto meals that I do depending what we feel like, some need more effort and ingredients depending!
Also I haven't got little kids. So to me i can have the risotto on and load the washing machine, stir, set the table, stir, empty the dishwasher, stir and so on. I guess it's a reasonable meal to multi task to if I'm doing kitchen jobs!!

I think you eat what you're given and say thank you.

If you are going to cook stuff like that you should expect to cook something else imo.

What's 'stuff like that'? It's some veg and rice, for fuck's sake, not pickled horse brains or something.

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haven't RTFT but the risotto sounds fine for kids. I would expect them to have a good bash and then bread and butter if they really don't like it.

I would tell my kids they could eat what was made for them with the rest of the family, or be hungry . But then I know that I'm very particular and strict about this - I know plenty of parents who would make an alternative for their child if they didn't like the food and that's fine too. Just different parenting styles I think.

I'm sure that by the time they get to adulthood it probably makes sod all difference which method you chose lol

I was option B, I thought it was unfair to make my kids eat food they didn't like if they'd genuinely tried it.

However, with the benefit of hindsight my eldest two are now both relatively fussy eaters even as teens. My friends who took a harder line have kids who eat anything.

As a fussy eater myself, I wish I could eat whatever's put in front of me. It's a life skill that would make dinner parties, work dinners etc much more pleasant.

I do wonder whether I have done my kids any favours in the long term.

A lot of it is about how it is introduced. Showing what you are having, involve in cooking, taste before, making a separate one without the sage, add garlic bread for texture etc. Praise what they tried. If they really didn't like it still then something grilled. I would want to know what they didn't like so could adjust in future.

@DarlingNikita Mon 15-Apr-19 10:28:40
I think you eat what you're given and say thank you.

If you are going to cook stuff like that you should expect to cook something else imo.

What's 'stuff like that'? confused It's some veg and rice, for fuck's sake, not pickled horse brains or something.

Risotto. It's vile.
Squash in risotto. It's vile.
Sage & pine nuts in risotto. Again, vile.

Not one part of that meal is suited to kids tastes so don't be surprised when they don't want to eat it.

Not one part of that meal is suited to kids tastes so don't be surprised when they don't want to eat it.

Wow, but people are weird. It’s rice and veg for the love of god.

You’re clearly quite limited in your tastes, that doesn’t mean all kids need to be.

@Eliza9919 my son would happily eat any of that, he’s three.

I really don't agree with forcing children to eat something they really don't like. You wouldn't do it as an adult so why should you do it to a child?

If I hadn't done this with my kids: "One mouthful, just try it!" over and over again the little buggers would eat nothing but beans on toast. Ok, after a while you can see that some kids won't eat some things. No 1DD is vegetarian (mostly because she can't stand the texture of meat not so much welfare issues) and number 1 DS will never eat a tomato.

But never making kids eat stuff they don't want to eat is bad parenting in my book.

*Risotto. It's vile.
Squash in risotto. It's vile.
Sage & pine nuts in risotto. Again, vile.

Not one part of that meal is suited to kids tastes so don't be surprised when they don't want to eat it.*

um... Would I be right in guessing that your parents were option B?

You're talking about rice, vegetables and nuts. If you think that's vile then I assume you just live off frozen pizza and oven chips? And just as an FYI - your kids will pick up on you thinking that healthy food is vile and probably end up with all of your poor eating habits as a result.

On the point about ‘kids tastes’ everyone should read the Bee Wilson book First Tastes to see how quick we are to define ‘kids tastes’ (towards bland, milky, sweet) and what a disservice we do to them by doing this.

Very small babies (5+ months) are hugely open to taste and flavour and ideally we’d encourage this strongly from early on.

The Sandman

I think there is a big difference between 'having to eat a whole serving of something, as it is your main meal' and 'having to try something'.

We were a 'have to try it' family (and the way we gradually evolved DS's diet once his medical issues had resolved and we were left with 'just' anxiety to the extent that it gave ASD traits - long story - was by having a 'ration' of a new food that had to be eaten, with this 'ration' gradually increasing each day).

We were not a 'have to finish enough of something you have tried to make it your main meal' family.

Tbh, the first morphs into the second relatively quickly, if you just keep exposing the child to the same thing repeatedly, but I do know that insistence on 'eating it all or there's no food' would have been disasterous for already deeply stressed DS (probably fine with much more easy-going DD, which is probably why families evolve different approaches).

Both children are un-fussy and omnivorous now - in fact it's DS who is happier with more unusual and spicy items.

“Not one part of that meal is suited to kids tastes so don't be surprised when they don't want to eat it.”
Rice. Vegetables. Possibly cheese.

No- not suited to kid’s tastes at all.

But never making kids eat stuff they don't want to eat is bad parenting in my book.

Is it really though? My DD only likes a few types of vegetable. Would I be a better parent if I made her cauliflower (which she doesn't like) instead of baby corn and sugar snap peas (which she does like) and forced her to eat it? Or my DS who doesn't like potatoes but likes sweet potatoes - should I force him to eat a potato rather than just doing him a sweet potato instead? I stand by my comment that you wouldn't do this to an adult so why do it to a child.

Asking them to try things at baby stage is totally different.

Not one part of that meal is suited to kids tastes

What a stupid comment, Eliza.

There are soooooooo many fussy eaters around today!
I'd be A but without any drama at all. Nobody has to eat anything here, but nothing alternative is made. We don't have puddings as a rule but if we had a non eating event I'd serve some fruit after it. I don't think anyone's ever suffered here from one missed meal. I also can't remember a time when more than one meal was missed. It also saves a lot of emotional energy as the entire problem is placed squarely on the non eaters shoulders.

@LaurieMarlow I'm not limited in my tastes at all. Just because you don't eat anything and everything in all kinds of dodgy combinations, doesn't mean you are limited in your tastes.

@PregnantSea My mum was camp A, she did one dinner and that was it. Lol I don't live on oven food, quite the opposite actually, we cook from scratch with the odd takeaway or drive-thru when on the road.

@BertrandRussell It's not just rice, veg & possibly cheese though is it. It's got strong herbs in it that doesn't go with the veg and its boiled into a rank consistency.

It's got strong herbs in it that doesn't go with the veg and its boiled into a rank consistency. You must have eaten some bad ones. I've never boiled a risotto. And I don't know in what universe sage doesn't go with squash.

It's got strong herbs in it that doesn't go with the veg and its boiled into a rank consistency
This is going mad now.
Sage and butternut risotto is pretty standard and offered in restaurants so it appears that chefs disagree with you about the herbs ' not going'. There are loads of receipts on food websites and in cook books for it.

Admittedly it's not my favourite risotto but it's pretty tame and one that we've used since the kids were small from time to time without much fuss!

all kinds of dodgy combinations

There’s nothing dodgy about this at all. It’s a long standing classic of Italian cuisine.

Honestly, it’s ridiculous.

I have 2 DSC (10 & 14). Mum is a very fussy eater (won’t eat any ‘foreign food’ - this includes rice, pasta, etc etc and cooks 3 separate meals for the her and the kids (I use the term cook loosely as it’s oven food).

My mums a chief and I cook from scratch, always age appropriate meals. I don’t cook junk.

DSS (10) will try anything and has a very developed pallet. Laps up anything new. I started cooking for him and encouraging him to try new things when he was 5.

DSD (14) is completely fussy. Expects a different meal of her choice, will only eat vanilla oven food, which I don’t pander to, I don’t run a restaurant. I let het dad pander to her.

It’s becoming a real problem. On holiday last year in Portugal after checking out the menu of probably 20 restaurants she won’t eat a single thing on the menu in any restaurant. Not one thing. She ate a plain omelette every single night. I actually felt sorry for her.

IMO fussy eating is nurture not nature. You are building a rod for your own back by offering choice.

The fussiness is so ingrained in my DSD I don’t see it ever changing.