AIBU- how do you treat men trying it on?

[wwydoo]

A week ago I was staying at a hotel in Manchester with my boyfriend, we woke up thirsty so I went to Tesco Express to fetch some things. Whilst sitting on a bench waiting for it to open a guy approached me. He extended his hand out for a handshake but I refused it and was called a "fucking bitch". I felt safe as there were plenty of people around.

I always just ignore random men on the street, even if they are just saying "hello". I was discussing this with friends over dinner and was genuinely surprised that a couple of them said they do engage to avoid "escalation". Not the approach I have AT ALL.

AIBU what you do?

This is to everyone.

I gave my example of someone hitting on me in a toilet because someone asked me what I'd do. I was just answering.

I really don't think the rudeness aimed at me is necessary, in fact I'm starting to understand the warnings given to me about this forum.

I don't think I have any connection with any sort of community. I've also said time and time again that I fully understand that there are idiots out there who behave appallingly.... in fact I even said that sometimes it even makes me a bit embarrassed to be a man, hearing all these stories.

Of course the men who are smarmy have to change, it's their fault 100% that women feel this way. But to come on an open forum and say ANY man who speaks to a woman in public is a creep simply isn't correct. It's probably best I don't post in this thread again. I've said over and over that although I can't directly empathise I do understand the issue. All I was trying to get across is that all men that talk to people in public aren't creeps. I don't think the insults aimed at me are justified.

Aww Benji. How awful for you that you have to carry all the sins of your sex on your shoulders.

Off you go now and tell your cronies that they were right about this forum after all. You gave us a chance and we failed.

Sorry porn not poem

Anyone else read the thread title as "men trying to iron?"

I really don't think the rudeness aimed at me is necessary

Women: we don't like when unknown men hit on us in public

Man: not all men though...

Women: no, not all men but always men

Man: well here's what I'd do in that situation...

Women: that's great, but you're a man and therefore don't have experience of these situations as a woman

Man: well.... Not all men ... Shit, I said that that already. Um.... YOU'RE ALL SO RUDE AND MEAN! My man friends were right about you harpies, how dare you say negative things about my male perspective on your female experience

benji

You’re the poster boy for NAMALT.

Know your audience. Learn. Stop with the faux solidarity.

Stop approaching women.

Classic, innit

Is it time for this?

And this

ANY man who speaks to a woman in public is a creep

Straw manning

Let’s reverse Benji’s question. How many of us would approach a man on the street, we thought was handsome and tell him so?

I once saw a beautiful man in a night club. We exchanged smiles, so I knew he was friendly. At the end of the evening, I approached him briefly and gave him my phone number, written on a piece of paper. I said, ‘ You may not want to, or may not be single, but you have a lovely smile and I thought I’d chance it.’ He looked a bit taken aback, so I wished him goodnight and left. I would’ve been completely ok with it if he’d said no thanks too. I would not have insulted him, or asked for physical contact; nor would I have approached him on first glance in the street.

I felt I was respectful, and I personally wouldn’t mind if a man did the same. However, there have been times when I have felt intimidated by men who I feel forced their attention onto me. I have been asked very personal questions, and was once offered money to have sex with a man .

This stopped when I hit my 40s, but oddly has started again now I’m in my early 50s. It’s mostly older men who do it.

.

Women repeatedly say they want boundaries and don't want men approaching them.

Pathetic, creepy Nice Guy whines that "oh you would if I was better looking though". It's all very reddit

And no, I wouldn't want Channing Tatum or anyone approaching me on the street. I'd assume I was just being set up to be mugged or something. It's not appropriate. Fuck off.

I am finding that now in my early 50s im getting unwanted attention from much older man, I suspect that they view me as someone who would be grateful for a man's attention given that I am now middle-age and very much 'past it'.
The fact that they are 20 years older than me doesn't seem to represent any kind of obstacle for them, I wonder how they would feel if a 90 year old woman started giving them the eye?

I see hot young men in the gym all the time, really good looking with really fit bodies, I mean great physiques.
I can well imagine how uncomfortable and weird it would be to have a woman 20 years older leching at them.

I'm confident that I could do it if I wanted to, I have a son of a similar age so I know how to make a connection then I'd be able to shift it gradually into something sexual, he'd feel uncomfortable and embarrassed but it would be difficult for him to be overtly rude to me

oh yeah I could totally do it but totally never ever would because it would be vile and predatory and I would never want to be that sort of person

oh yes the predators eye', thanks for the tip @Josepheen
I've realised that I'm not as good as I thought I was! I was thinking of the more confident lads in the gym, I need to go for the quiet ones don't I, the ones who look like they might be looking for a mother figure and then I can shift it something a bit different....

Your privelege as a man is still making you hold on to the one tiny thing that is bruising your ego as a man. That someone said 'all are creeps'.

You've read our descriptions of every day life just trying to walk along a pavement, harassment, and being viewed as something pretty/sexual so that a man simply must tell us we are wonderful,which is quite frankly the tame stuff, and yet youre still the wounded party. You can't understand that the important thing is WE DON'T WANT TO BE APPROACHED, EVER.

From these intelligent women's responses to you, detailing exactly why we feel like this, do you really think that we all hate men and think every single one of you that has ever uttered a word to us in our entire lifetime is creepy?!

As ever the man's sense of honour and pride is valued over the woman's sense of safety

I also love this one...

I walk away from such men if I'm able to. First encounter was when I was newly 16 and working outside at a shopping mall, older man walks up to me tells me I'm pretty and do I want to go away with him. I was terrified even though I was in a very public place. I put that down to having never experienced it before and the brazeness of it all.

Couple yrs later guy stops me in the street and pretends to know me and again asks me to go with him, I walked away once I clicked what his game was.

Since then I've been groped by men, was rescued and escorted to a taxi by another guy. Followed around a beach and hassled by a man, again rescued by the group I was with.

Unsolicited face touching in the street more recently and I just batted him off and didn't engage, so they walked away.

Ive learned not to smile at men in certain circumstances as it seems to be viewed as an invitation rather than a social niceity that comes from making eye contact.

Other than those experiences I've had many normal encounters with men who have been respectful and not seeking to gain anything more than a pleasant conversation.

It's sad that this is the world we have to learn to navigate in order to be safe and not necessarily feel safe.

I was 11 when an old man first tried to chat me up as I was walking home from the shops. It made my skin crawl and when I got home I burst into tears to my mum.
Ever since then I've been super wary, because men don't just approach young girls in the street to be friendly. I'm too old to get bothered by strange men now but after that early experience I could spot them a mile off and take evasive action. It's only on the odd occasion when I've been distracted that some freak has tried it on with me again. Men need to realise they are not entitled to try it on with any woman they like the look of.

It depends on the situation, if it's a younger guy I usually say "don't be ridiculous, I've got tights older than you"