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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how old you were?

586 replies

HarrysOwl · 12/04/2019 07:35

When you got married? (If you're married!)

I was reading a BBC article about a woman talking about the judgement and negativity she encountered when she announced her engagement aged 22.

I was 32 when I married DH. We were together for 3 years, got engaged then lived together for another 4 years before having our wedding. I wanted to be as sure as I could be and felt no rush.

Is there a general judgement with feminist overtones about getting married so young? Are they doomed to divorce?

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 12/04/2019 09:58

18 the first time, 46 the second. Saved the best til last!

spanishwife · 12/04/2019 10:01

27 - got met with a lot of "ooh but you're so young!" in bridal shops/venues etc, but in a nice 'cutesy' way. I wouldn't count as negativity really. Husband was 30.

I only realised when it took another 3-4 years for all my friends to get married that we did it quite young!

I was with him for 7 years prior, 2 year engagement, had moved countries/been through lots together. So everyone in real life was thrilled.

BoswellsBollocks · 12/04/2019 10:02
  1. We’d been together 2 years and 2 months and our DS was 14 months old!

16 years married now.

pinkpixie83 · 12/04/2019 10:05

Married at 23, separated by 30 divorced by 32. Fantastic.

technosausage · 12/04/2019 10:06

Meet at 19 married at 29.

Aprillygirl · 12/04/2019 10:06

I don't think it's the age that matters as much as how much you know each other and how mature you are ( At 43 I can be more immature than some 22 year olds! Blush )
So a mature 22yr old couple could have been together 6yrs before marrying,so why should their relationship be doomed to fail more so than an immature 30yr old couple who have been together a year?
I met my ex husband at 24,married at 26,started to fall out of love with him after about 12 years (which can happen to any couple at any time) and have been divorced for 2 blissful years now.

Alarae · 12/04/2019 10:07

Met at 18. Engaged at 21. Married at 23.

Still loving each other at 26, with many more years to come Grin

BillyGoatGruff007 · 12/04/2019 10:09

Met at 18, married at 21. Still together 47 years on.

AryaStarkWolf · 12/04/2019 10:09

Married at 33, widowed at 34. Very happily married again at 38. Now 40.

aww that's really sad :(

SybillaB · 12/04/2019 10:10

Met at 16, married at 20. That was 35 years ago and we are still together.

3timeslucky · 12/04/2019 10:11

37

pushingdaisies · 12/04/2019 10:11

I get married 2 weeks today and I'm 23, will be 24 next month.
My boss yesterday was talking about someone getting married at 23 and how young that was, so I said "well that's how old I am" and she said "I know and it is very young". Personal choice and I think for a lot of people, they may not meet someone until they are older

0hT00dles · 12/04/2019 10:12

Engaged to 22 and married at 24. Been together since I was 17. 32 now and 2 kids later. We travelled and worked all over the world before having kids and then settled down and bought a house after having DD1.

I did encounter a lot of ‘you’re so young’ when on honeymoon as I do look a lot younger than I am. Still encounter some of that at the school gates from some mums but meh.

makingmyway10 · 12/04/2019 10:12

I was 23 when I got married, which was quite young at the time. Although we both had been to Uni and had professional qualifications. So bucked the trend for young professionals to get married at an older age! Most of our friends were 26-29 when they got married.

We have just celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary.

However my DD1 is 19 and I would be a bit apprehensive if she wanted to get married at 23!

MadameDD · 12/04/2019 10:12

I was 41 when I got married. married now for approcimately 6.5 years. One main reason I married him was we were starting albeit later for a baby and this happened a couple of years later.

a few people expected me to get married to other people earlier but I had commitment issues and this was really a last chance saloon thing for me.

I know people who have married young and are still married or equally divorced.

In my maternal DGM's side DGM (nana) got married because she thought she was pregnant, she wasn't, and then found herself involved with someone who was sent to prison, they'd been married then 2-3 years and she got pregnant in the meantime after they married. This was in 1930's though so hard not get married if you were pregnant. Her DD, my DM, got married on a whim to her SO in her 20's - they just decided one day on the spur of the moment to get married, and went and played croquet with their friends afterwards. This ended when her DH had an affair and she divorced him, married I think 2-3 or 4 years at most. Strangely enough when DM met my DF - they were together I think for 5-6 years maybe 7 at most but DF was an alcoholic and I think by the time she knew about this she was happy with him and then got pregnant with me. They divorced when I was 4/5.

pansydansy · 12/04/2019 10:13

16

MadameDD · 12/04/2019 10:14

A colleague of mine was talking about young marriage as she got married at 25 which she said was young amongst her friends. Middle/upper class woman, works in civil service, degree educated, not sure exactly why she married young but she seems committed to her DH.

parttimeateverything · 12/04/2019 10:14

Met at 19, married at 25 . Still very happily married with good jobs and 3 late teenagers 22 years later.

MadameDD · 12/04/2019 10:15

Oh, I was engaged at 21, ready to get married and live in Canada with SO/fiancé at the time (I lived in England) but luckily through a friend realised I was very green and much too young.

Totally depends on character of the people getting married etc.

Handletree · 12/04/2019 10:17

We met when I was 18, as friends. I had a baby with somebody else at 19. Got together with husband at 23/24, moved in together at almost 26, married at 27. Our engagement was only 8 weeks long because of an ill family member. Our first child together was born later that same year.

We've been married for four years and I am still happy. I think the fact that I had a child at nineteen made a huge difference because I'd already grown up quite early. There was no wanting to travel or do other things because I was already looking after a child. I'm hoping to do some exciting things once my children are older.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 12/04/2019 10:17

Met at 20, got engaged a few weeks later,
had DS at 21, married at 22. We were together for 20 years and were very happy.

moggiek · 12/04/2019 10:18
  1. Been married for 42 years.
Silkyanduna · 12/04/2019 10:19

Met when I was 14
Engaged 17
Married 19

I’m now 27 and we have 2 kids

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 12/04/2019 10:19

I read that article too and just thought the author came across as a bit petty and self centred that everyone wasn't excited enough for her. In the case in the article, she's only been with the guy for a year, so yes, if they were a friend of mine that young who'd only been with her bloke for a year, i'd probably just gently ask if she was sure too. Nothing wrong with doing that but she seems to have blown that into a big pity party that somehow the world is "shaming" her. And honestly, if all my friends and family were asking "are you sure?" it would indicate to me that they don't know or don't like my partner/our relationship, not just that they're worried about my young age. Just my tuppence though.

Happyspud · 12/04/2019 10:21

Met at 24, engaged at 30, married 31. 4 kids by 36.