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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how old you were?

586 replies

HarrysOwl · 12/04/2019 07:35

When you got married? (If you're married!)

I was reading a BBC article about a woman talking about the judgement and negativity she encountered when she announced her engagement aged 22.

I was 32 when I married DH. We were together for 3 years, got engaged then lived together for another 4 years before having our wedding. I wanted to be as sure as I could be and felt no rush.

Is there a general judgement with feminist overtones about getting married so young? Are they doomed to divorce?

OP posts:
whatamidoingwithmylife · 12/04/2019 20:21

I was 24 and had been with him since 18.
I was far too young I think but no one gave any negative input about my age.

My sister in law married at 20 and she had a lot of negative comments made to her, especially whilst shopping around for wedding services.

TowerRavenSeven · 12/04/2019 20:26

Married at 36, dh was 29, first marriage for both. Been married 19 years.

Groovee · 12/04/2019 20:26

I was 20, will have been married 21 years this year.

MinervaVause · 12/04/2019 20:30

I was 31 when I got married but I’d been with dh for 9 years at that point and had 2 dc already. We’ve been together 11 years and married for 2 now.

We got a lot of “it’s about time” when we told people we were getting married.

francienolan · 12/04/2019 20:30

I was 25, almost 26. He was 30.

MondeoFan · 12/04/2019 20:31

Met at 22 married at 29
Babies at 33 and 43

bumblingbovine49 · 12/04/2019 20:34

I married at 26 the first time. It only lasted 3 years. Met DH at 36, married at 39. Still married at 54 (15 years later)

So for me, even mid/late 20s was too young I think but I think I was pretty immature emotionally at that age. This may not be true for others

goose1964 · 12/04/2019 20:35

24 and still married 31 years later

Peanut91 · 12/04/2019 20:44

We met when I was 18 and got married when I was 25

MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 12/04/2019 20:48

I was 23 (almost 24), had been together for 5 years prior. We’ve now been married 5 years and have one child (hoping the second will be along soon!).

Most of my friends got married between 25 and 28, though none are in a rush to have children.

username67795 · 12/04/2019 20:48

Got together at 18 married at 22. This year will be our 9 year wedding anniversary Smile. I do think at the time a lot of people thought we were getting married too young.

ChiaraRimini · 12/04/2019 21:37

So many young brides!
I was married at 23. We knew (or I thought I knew) we wanted to be together forever. 3 kids, divorced after 20 years. He never really grew up and if I had my time over I'd have waited longer. But then I may not have had my beautiful children- so who knows what the right thing to do is?

Whitechocandraspberry · 12/04/2019 21:39

Married at 18 years. 4 kids still together 22 years on

ShesABelter · 12/04/2019 21:44

28

MaryShelley1818 · 12/04/2019 21:45

First marriage - 29
Second marriage - 40

m0therofdragons · 12/04/2019 21:55

22 (engaged at 20). I'm now 37 and still together. Never planned marriage or dc then met dh and everything changed. He's my soulmate.

MyKingdomForACaramel · 12/04/2019 21:59

Met at 25 married at 33 (we took a while)

FuzzyShadowChatter · 12/04/2019 22:44

I eloped at 18. My spouse was 19 and he got a lot of flak, one of his uni friends gave him a rundown asking if I was pregnant (no), having immigration problems (no though when I changed visa it did make things a bit easier though that would be untrue now with the same circumstances), and some other stuff before saying 'I guess it's love'. Others were very positive about it though.

I read the same article and I can see the questioning about feminism as a lot of the theories the writer had were about how throughout history and still in much of the world even in the UK, marrying for security is a big part of why some women marry young (though how young has fluctuated, I read there were long medieval periods when it was mid-twenties for women and late twenties to early thirties for men). That may play a part in why some get so much backlash, but I think even when it was more common, there are far more questions of circumstances or ulterior motives than with marriages between older people (part of the claimed reasons why the UK raised the marriage visa age). I think there are questions about what marriage means in our changing culture, it's shifting grounds a bit.

I don't think we're doomed, but it is riskier, statistically, than marrying later, but then so is marrying more than once or other variables. Everyone has to weigh the risks and benefits for themselves. Even though we're still happily together comfortably into our thirties after a few rough patches and I know others who are similar, I know plenty of other people like my brother who married young and divorced less than two years later. It's complicated and I don't think any judgment on it will be down to one thing. Even the writer in question had other things like the parents not really knowing the guy.

RedWoodenStatue · 12/04/2019 22:46

I was 19, DH was 22
we've been married over 30 years.

HettyStThomas · 12/04/2019 22:49

Met aged 16, married at 25, married for 10 years.

MorwenTheWitch · 13/04/2019 07:53

We got together when I was 19, married when I was 24, and are coming up on our 3rd wedding anniversary this summer. I had no judgement from anyone on our ages at any point, and I very much think we’re made to last, so I don’t think meeting/marrying young is a recipe for divorce!

outofnothing · 13/04/2019 08:23

Married at 23
Widowed at 49
Second marriage at 57

thesockgap · 13/04/2019 17:21

Met at 18, married at 24, now 45 so been married for 21 years.

LottieLou192 · 13/04/2019 17:24

I was 24 when we got married........we’re celebrating our 40th anniversary later this year.

Floralnomad · 13/04/2019 17:24

Met at 18 , married at 22 and been married for 30 yrs .