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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let 4 year old still have a dummy

83 replies

Nowthatsamiriacle · 11/04/2019 10:15

Last night I got into a fairly big argument with DH over DS's dummy, (stupid, I know.) So basically DS just turned 4 and still has a dummy. We've always let him have this since it's been his main comfort since he was born.

Yesterday we had a visit to the dentist, who told me that the dummy needed to go asap, as it was causing an openbite. I told DH last night and he said we should get rid of the dummy.

AIBU to think that I I should let DS keep it. This may sound ridiculous, but DS has never been a good sleeper, and I think taking the dummy away would make it worse. Last time he spent the night without it, (We were staying over night and forgot it,) he bairly slept all night. And I think that if we take his then he'll just steal DD's (she's 14 months old.)

He only really has it at night and only occasionally through the day. Surely it can't be that bad?

OP posts:

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump · 11/04/2019 10:22

This can’t be a real post?

Who is in charge here, you or the four year old? He’ll just steal his sister’s? Well, it’s up to you to stop him. Better still, take hers away too or she’ll develop the same problem.

adulthumanwolf · 11/04/2019 10:23

Having had years of expensive and painful orthodontic treatment due to this exact thing, I think you need to wean him off it ASAP.

x2boys · 11/04/2019 10:25

My son had his dummy until he was four he's disabled ,but surely it it's causing dental problems you would get rid of it he will get used to sleeping without it.

my2bundles · 11/04/2019 10:26

Honestly I would let him keep it untill he gives it up. My son needed the comfort untill hexwas nearly 5 then gave it when he was ready. Why do we force young children to give up something that gives the comfort? It's baffling. The dentist said to me the same, he us now 11 with a full set of adult teeth. The same dentist comments on how straight they have grown in all tne time 😂 dummy sacking hasn't affected his adult set one little bit.

Ironymaiden · 11/04/2019 10:27

And people wonder then why restaurants and other places are child free, when you have parents afraid of correcting a 4 year old.

You’re doing him no favours.

Tolleshunt · 11/04/2019 10:30

You will have a couple of painful, sleep deprived nights, while he breaks his sleep association with it. Then he will learn to sleep without it and you'll be back to normal.

You need to do it for his teeth. He's 4 now, he's too old for it.

Twotinydictators · 11/04/2019 10:31

If you've been told by the dentist that it needs to go then it's time to tackle it. I got my DS a new gift and told him it was from Father Christmas (I'd sent the dummies to the North Pole so he could give them to babies who needed them), even though it was May It only took a few nights before he stopped asking and he actually slept better once he wasn't waking to find it.

If he doesn't already have a comforter then I'd get one of those too. Some have nightlights or soft music etc. which might help soothe him but just a new night time teddy to cuddle might do the trick. It'll only get harder the longer you leave it.

Kungfupanda67 · 11/04/2019 10:32

Omg he’s 4. Tell him that the dummy is affecting the way his teeth are growing so you need to get rid of it because he’s a bit too old now he’s 4, then throw the bloody thing in the bin! Same way you tell him that he can’t eat food after he brushes his teeth at bedtime.

Occasionally during the day?! Is he going to be taking it on the school run?

ReallyReallyNo · 11/04/2019 10:33

So your child’s dental health is less important than your need to keep him on the dummy so you don’t have to deal with the hassle of getting rid of it?

Knowivedonewrong · 11/04/2019 10:38

Do take the dummy away. Both my two had dummies, both ended up having train track braces and one had teeth removed to accommodate said braces.

Both have lovely teeth now at 25 and 21.

RabbityMcRabbit · 11/04/2019 10:41

If you want him to have crooked teeth, poor speech and years of painful orthodontic treatment then yeah, let him keep the dummy. I'm sure the dentist was just making it up - NOT. Ffs.

Mamimawr · 11/04/2019 10:41

You're being very selfish worrying about your sleep more than his teeth and his apperance.

Butchyrestingface · 11/04/2019 10:42

I had multiple dummies until I was 4 (apparently my record was 6 in the mouth simultaneously). 🤯 My sibling had a terminal illness so my parents understandably had other fish to fry at the time.

I am now however on my second round of adult orthodontics and in addition, have TMJ, crossbite and facial asymmetry issues that the orthodontics won’t fix. Of course, can’t know that prolonged dummy sucking contributed to any of the above but why take the risk when you know that prolonged sooking can cause future dental problems?

FuriousCheekyFucker · 11/04/2019 10:44

I've got a great idea. Let your child grow up looking like a hybrid of the donkey from Shrek & Freddie Mercury rather than being a parent. Dentists? What do they know, they only spent 8 years training.

ShabbyAbby · 11/04/2019 10:47

Listen to your husband and the dentist.
And everybody else (actually).
Summer born kids would be starting school and your kids still got a dummy at 4? Yeah, it needs to go. He might sleep badly for a couple of nights. And then he'll stop needing it.

JE17 · 11/04/2019 10:50

My DS's front teeth stick out due to his persistent thumb sucking. The dentist warned us/ him at each visit but it was an uphill battle to get him to stop completely. I know it will be hard but you need to do this for him now before a problem develops.

WhiskersPete · 11/04/2019 10:51

This can’t be serious? Your dentist has told you that the dummy is damaging your son’s health and you want to keep it?

Damntheman · 11/04/2019 10:52

A medical professional has told you to get rid of it, so get rid of it. He will learn to sooth without the dummy!

Get him to give the dummies to the dummy fairy in the garden, and the next day the fairy will have left him a prize for being such a grown up boy.

HopefulAgain10 · 11/04/2019 10:53

So a professional has told you it needs to go and why, and you still are stubborn? Everyone is wrong? Great parenting from you.

Illberidingshotgun · 11/04/2019 10:53

Two out of my 4 DC had dummies, and when they were around 3 the "dummy fairy" came - left a nice gift and took the dummies. It worked. Both of them cried for an hour or two the first evening, and then settled. In fact they probably slept better after that, as they weren't looking for dummies in their sleep.

If the dentist has noticed that this has already caused a problem, then they need to go. Your DS (assuming no SN) is old enough to understand that they are damaging his teeth. He will get used to sleeping without them, all children do. Otherwise, when will he give them up? 5? 10?

BettysLeftTentacle · 11/04/2019 10:54

A health professional has told you that the dummy is damaging you’re child and you’re questioning it because... why? It’s just teeth? You don’t want to fix the problem for fear of upsetting your child? He’ll be plenty upset when he ends up having to have extensive and painful dental treatment to correct the damage trust me.

He’s 4 and assuming he has no SEN, you’ll be able to have an open and honest conversation with him about why it needs to stop. You’ll be able to compromise and reason with him. You’ll be able to find other crutches for him to help with his sleeping (although if it’s solely for comfort during the night, why does he have it during the day?!). You need to get on top of this before he starts school otherwise he’ll be in for a massive change and it’s unfair to expect him to cope with it if you’re not even helping him now.

SingleMumFighting · 11/04/2019 10:55

I am worried for your child's teeth. Please take it away and stand firm.
Getting a good dentist can be a lottery and very expensive.

Mesoavocado · 11/04/2019 10:58

We had a dentist visit when DS was about 2 years and 8 months old and he told him the dummy had to go.

Put them in the bin and blamed the dentist. Not an issue and got over it in about 2 minutes.

Really the issue was me being concerned he wouldn't sleep without it but he was more than ready

At aged 4 you need to get a grip

Becca83 · 11/04/2019 10:58

I cant believe you're actually asking this question. 4 is far too old to be having it anyway, he will be at school soon!
Yes, you might have a couple of sleepless nights during the transition, but surely that's better than years of expensive and painful orthodontic treatment? My daughter loved her dummy, but we went cold turkey at 18 months because I knew it wasn't good for her. Yes she cried for a couple of nights, but then it was done and she never asked again.
You are the adult here! Take charge and listen to the professional who had given you perfectly reasonable advice.

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 11/04/2019 10:59

Honestly? I’d lose it. And I say that as someone who’s child had one til 7 (ASD- poor sleeper, sensory issues and low emotional/mental age). No judgement from me at all btw but while my sons teeth aren’t the best they’re definitely not as nice as they could be and I do feel guilty about not being braver about it all.

When you do take them off him expect tears and tantrums for a night or 2 but he will be fine. I softened the blow with a trip to the toy shop to pick something of his choosing as a reward for being such a good grown up boy.

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