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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let 4 year old still have a dummy

83 replies

Nowthatsamiriacle · 11/04/2019 10:15

Last night I got into a fairly big argument with DH over DS's dummy, (stupid, I know.) So basically DS just turned 4 and still has a dummy. We've always let him have this since it's been his main comfort since he was born.

Yesterday we had a visit to the dentist, who told me that the dummy needed to go asap, as it was causing an openbite. I told DH last night and he said we should get rid of the dummy.

AIBU to think that I I should let DS keep it. This may sound ridiculous, but DS has never been a good sleeper, and I think taking the dummy away would make it worse. Last time he spent the night without it, (We were staying over night and forgot it,) he bairly slept all night. And I think that if we take his then he'll just steal DD's (she's 14 months old.)

He only really has it at night and only occasionally through the day. Surely it can't be that bad?

OP posts:

Chippychipsforme · 11/04/2019 10:59

It needs to go. Will a toy work? Chocolate? I'd do it over a weekend so you can nap to catch up on missed sleep.

rosedream · 11/04/2019 11:00

Just imagine talking to your adult son and explaining that you let him keep the dummy even though advised by a medical professional not to. That him not having a couple of sleepless nights was more important than him having a jaw deformity and needing extensive dental treatment and may be jaw realignment surgery to rectify.

What would has response be to that ?

Whoops75 · 11/04/2019 11:01

My neighbors kids 9 & 10 both had dummies for years, parents wanted an easy life.

The kids now both have huge retainers they have to wear from 8pm-8am and they’re finding it hard to sleep plus it’s going to cost them thousands.

I think it’s child neglect tbh

ExplodingCarrots · 11/04/2019 11:02

My DD gave up a dummy 'late' (just before 3) and she gave it up a lot easier than I thought she would. Can you say something along the lines of giving up the dummy for the Easter bunny ? (I know some friends who's DC gave theirs to Santa) My daughters front teeth were starting to move forward but when she gave it up her teeth straightened out perfect.

Please listen to the dentist. I work with children and have seen a lot of children who still have dummies at 4 and their teeth are forward/crooked and have speech problems .

Ihatehashtags · 11/04/2019 11:02

Allowing a child a dummy at four years old is just bad, lazy parenting. You and your husband both know it. Now do something about it.

Bookworm4 · 11/04/2019 11:02

Why does he even have it at 4? Are you planning on popping it in his school bag? He should be able to sleep without it, this is just lazy parenting. But hey ho you enjoy your sleep and let your son have years of braces.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 11/04/2019 11:05

For a couple of nights upset, lose the dummy. I think you know this already! Dummies are for babies. (ASD aside)

multiplemum3 · 11/04/2019 11:08

Don't be a dick, get rid of the dummy. You're letting him mess his teeth up for your own ease.

Whoops75 · 11/04/2019 11:08

Puncture the dummy with a pin and refuse to replace it.

Put vinegar on one of the babies dummies and tell him they are sour for big boys.

It’s hard but it’s not THAT hard op

ExplodingCarrots · 11/04/2019 11:09

@Bookworm4 you'll be surprised how many dummies I've found in reception age children's bags. Or parents who collect children from school and they have the dummy in their hand to give to them when they come out of school .

LynnTheseAreSexPeople · 11/04/2019 11:10

Of course his sleep will be affected at first but it's just something you'll have to do for his own good.

Bookworm4 · 11/04/2019 11:17

@explodingcarrots
That's unbelievable!! Too many parents are allowing these little tyrants to rule them.

NoSauce · 11/04/2019 11:20

So when do you think DS should get rid of the dummy? 5? 8? Never?

Nanny0gg · 11/04/2019 11:28

Yes get rid.

But why on earth is he having it during the day??

It's a battle you need to win!

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 11/04/2019 11:35

My children never had dummies (so parents of dummy suckers may have a different view), so I personally can’t see why you can’t just take it off him, he’s 4, not a baby who doesn’t understand and has a strong need to suck. So why does he need to suck it at bedtime for comfort? That’s a genuine question as I don’t have that experience.

But honestly I know of several adults who had dummies until late for who it did cause probables with their teeth. 2 of them then became thumb suckers. Having to kick a friend under the table in school because she’s started to suck her thumb without realising, or get the adult of an adult co-worker as she starts to suck get thumb when reading paperwork, is annoying. But when they say to you ‘when I suck my thumb can you stop me please as I don’t know I’m doing it’, you do it. Not surprisingly all vowed to never give their own children dummies.

notacooldad · 11/04/2019 11:36

Occasionally during the day?! Is he going to be taking it on the school run?
I would be concerned about speech if he has a dummy during the day.
I used to really hate it when my niece was the same age and her parents let her have a dummy. She would be trying to talk to us with the dummy in her mouth and no one could understand her. Her parents thought it was cute!

Usuallyinthemiddle · 11/04/2019 11:43

Plus they are vile spit covered horrors carrying germs!

Jackshouse · 11/04/2019 11:54

He has it all night and occasionally during the day so that’s over 50% off the time.

Just take it away. His sleep won’t be good for a couple of days but he will get used to it.

Jackshouse · 11/04/2019 11:57

My DD had and dummy it was helpful with her reflux. From one she was only allowed it for sleep time and she was nearly 2 1/2 before she agreed to the dummy fairy. Obviously she changed her mind but it was too late. Her sleep actually improved.

EmeraldShamrock · 11/04/2019 12:01

My DD had one until she was nearly 5, we tried to take it lots of times, she has SEN, she is nearly 11 her new teeth are straight. Surprising as mine are not I thought her teeth will cost thousands.
I took DS off the dummy at 10 months, I wasn't making the same mistake again.
Is there a dummy tree near you, where you go hang the dummy for a new baby, there is 1000s on the tree, bring a gift, it worked in the end for DD.

Deadringer · 11/04/2019 12:04

My eldest didn't give up her dummy until she was four too. She was left with an open bite and has had loads of orthodontic work done which straightened her teeth but didn't correct the open bite. As an adult she has decided to get her jaw broken and reset to try and fix her bite. She didn't see a dentist until she was 5 and I didn't realize the long term implications. You have been told the facts by a professional, you should listen.

LipstickTaserrr · 11/04/2019 12:06

Is this a reverse and your the parent who wants to get rid?

If he's spent last night with no dummy then surely you haven't given it back by now as half the battles already done.

Deadringer · 11/04/2019 12:07

Btw the Easter Bunny took dds dummies and left her an Easter egg. She was very attached to it but settled down after a couple of nights.

cherrryontop · 11/04/2019 12:08

Yabu

Dummies are not necessary in the day time once children are past the baby stage.

My 1 year old has a dummy for sleeping and during times when he is very upset or worked up. We take it away the majority of the time during the day so he can eat play drink and communicate without it getting in the way.

It can cause dental problems, speech delays and interrupt meal times.

hazeyjane · 11/04/2019 12:10

I think unless there are extenuating circumstances (I know some older children with complex developmental and health needs who have a dummy) then you need to take the dummy away....whether it is swapped for a big present, cold Turkey, dummy tree....whatever works for your ds.

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