How long before family/friends met your DC?

[mcjx]

Starting to somewhat "plan" the birth of my DS which will be happening in the next 3 weeks or so.

MIL seems quite insistent on being there as soon as I've given birth. I don't want this to happen, as skin to skin with my baby and alone time with just him and my partner at first is really what I want. I'm very keen on breastfeeding and understand that s2s is important in the first few hours is important.

I've only just recently made the decision that I want my mum to be present at the birth, never mind having MIL there too not long after. She's quite interfering and loud, although we do have quite a good relationship and I don't want to hurt her feelings by asking can she wait until we feel ready before she visits.

Am I BU and unfair seeing as my own mum will be there? How long was it for you before you had visitors? I'm a FTM so I don't know how to deal with all this

Thanks @Nanny0gg. I will try to relax about it

I was there when my daughter had my DGS alongside her husband. Her MIL visited 2 hours after and was 1st to visit after he was born (daughter had to go into emergency surgery hence slight delay). To be honest I would have felt bad if her MIL hadn't visited as soon as she could seeing I had been in the room and watched him being born. Which was the most wonderful thing I have ever seen. Hopefully when my DS has children in the future I will visit as soon as I can.
Plus no midwife will put up with an overbearing and loud visitor on their ward!

About twelve hours but only because DS was born at midnight, visiting was from eleven but they didn't take my catheter out until just before then and I wanted a shower before people arrived, PIL, DM DF, DB and SIL all visited us in hospital everyone else waited until we were home

@mcjx how far away is your DM? Could you have her as a backup incase you need her and get her to come? Or if she's far away would she come and stay at yours if you need her?

You just don't know how the birth is going to go. You can plan and plan but my advice is just to be open to all possibilities.

I had a very real idea of birth and the few moments after but nothing went how I imagined and I was upset for quite along time. If I had no real ideals then maybe I wouldn't have been so upset.

Look after yourself first. Don't be afraid to have people on standby and try and go with the flow.

Try not to stress just go with the flow OP. Some hospitals don't allow out of hours visiting anyway so it may depend what time you deliver and how long til you get back onto the ward.

Honestly OP, providing everything is ok skin to skin will happen within minutes of your LO being born, I doubt your MIL will be there then
I had 2 sections and each time baby was given straight to me for s2s.

Even when we had visitors (baby was on me as I couldn't reach over to put her down!) They just cooed over her while she was on my chest.
I did s2s while taking short naps(much to the hatred of the midwifes) there is plenty of time for it so don't let that put you off having visitors!
Even when you're home, you can have s2s while in the bath

@SSPidge to be fair that could be a good option! My mum lives 15 minutes away from the hospital.

Maybe I should see how it goes with just me and DP then call her if I need her

You're welcome OP. I think by all means have MIL in first to visit when you're ready but it's just madness to expect your mum and MIL to be in an equal footing on this x

Just have the baby with you and your husband. Then once you're settled and moved to the ward have visitors? Isn't that the normal way?

This ^

So, how soon afterwards will depend, to a degree, what time your dc is born.
Then it depends on what the birth was like and how you feel at the time. You might be on a real high and really keen for visitors. You might be so shattered you want a couple of hours kip.
They don't actually need to even know your dc has arrived, until you decide to phone them. Don't stress about it now - see how you feel at the time.

None of our family were local (all 150 miles away in opposite directions). My DSis was the first to meet DC as she was visiting where we lived for work the day after he was born. DP was insistent he wanted a couple of days at home just us before visitors so my DPs came down the first weekend (5 days old). They mooted coming down straight away but didn't, probably just as well as I'd had a CS and was in recovery for ages. DB met him when he was a few weeks old.

DMIL (only family on DP's side) doesn't travel so we took him on a fairly epic day trip to meet her at around six weeks.

@mcjx will you tell her you are in labour? My sister only wanted her DH and during labour she made him call our DM who popped up to see her but then went before the actual birth. My DM knew she was in labour so was waiting by the phone for any news.

Oh and add much at I love DM I did not want her there during labour, no one I know apart from a colleague whose husband left when she was pregnant, had their mum there, by my friends have generally all been 30+, maybe it's more common with younger mums. PIL travelled down the morning I went in, DB, SIL, DM DF all live more locally, I'd been in labour at home over night, when it became clear DS was taking a while and it was going to be a late night birth, and they wouldn't be able to visit until the next day, they all went for a Chinese!

@ZippyBungleandGeorge that reminds me when DS was born my parents and DH parents left announcing they were going for a Chinese and then to the pub. I was very jealous (and knackered)

My DM came to the hospital with us as she had been staying while DH was doing nightshirts. So she was the first "visitor" after I came out of C-section and in the recovery suite.

My sister, Dad, MIL and FIL visited at first visiting time. My best friend visited the next day.

S2S happened as DD was put onto my chest while I got wheeled round to recovery. DH was first to actually hold her while I got stitched up though. She was bf for 13 months.

First visiting slot after ds was out of special care and with me dh's gran came (it was midweek during working hours). Then that evening all the grandparents came, and every one else came when they were free.

Having visitors for an hour in the afternoon/evening had absolutely no impact on bf or bonding although I did look like shit after 48hrs of induced labour and emcs under ga, ds mostly slept through it all. Don't over think it.

Get MIL to visit while you’re in hospital. Then it’s visiting hours only and you don’t have to make her a cup of tea or anything. Most of the family came to visit the next day, or the day after. I was in hospital for 2 days. My in laws were a bit weird, they didn’t come until a week later, 2 hours on the bus, and stayed 20 minutes.

With my third I was back on the school run (with my DH) within 3 days. When you have other DC life just carries on.

You may well have baby then be sent straight home afterwards. Don't plan anything or worry about anything. What will be will be....

I felt a bit like this before I had my DD. Mil was announcing that she was going to be at the birth and all sorts of crazy stuff. Remember some of this is hormones-the kind of mother bear feeling. When the baby is born you may feel differently. I would be vague about things at the moment.
My mil loves my daughter as much as I do and really they just want to meet the baby and love them.
Ref BFing I would go into it with the idea of -It may be very hard but just cos it may be hard doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Be prepared for it to be difficult and almost certainly exhausting. My DD had loads of S2S - and more with my DH as I was ill and we still had lots of problems with BF but we cracked it in the end.

@user1474894224 have been told we will be staying in for a little while as I have gestational diabetes so need to check baby's blood sugars ❤️

My suggestion is to tell them you'll let them know when you want visitors - and that if they start badgering you it will be a longer wait as you won't get the rest you need.

If and when Hubby and I have a baby together, I will be asking MIL and SFIL to come in 2 to 3 months. This is because we are in Canada and they are in the UK. I want baby to have first shots before being around visitors from abroad.

Wait and see what time you have baby then. You mil might not be allowed in for a good few hours. (It's actually easier to have the visitors in hospital and then not have them when you are home.)

We are abroad so for my first my parents met him at 2 weeks old and my inlaws at 3 months old.

Second time round I had my parents staying with us to look after DS. Had DD by elective c section around noon and my parents came to visit around 4pm once I was ready

Within the first few minutes both mums (MIL & mum) had held my son.

Within hours all my siblings had held my son.

To be honest It wouldn't have occurred to me that it would be any different. I'm very at ease with my family, it would be normal to ask a sibling or a mum for help with fairly private things.

I do not think you are being unreasonable asking for a few hours. Having your own mother is different - you are the one who has to actually give birth, not DP, so it’s not comparable. It’s not like you’re going to make your MIL wait for days. Do what feels right to you - this is your party!

With DS was probably about 12 hours - in afternoon visiting hours. He was born around 3am and there were a few complications.

With DD she was about 4 hours old. Born around 1:30pm so afternoon visiting hours again. Her birth was more straightforward.