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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lads holiday

117 replies

Stressedmam · 10/04/2019 07:11

Hi my partner is going away with the lads in April, he told me they were going the Easter weekend, at first I wasn't to happy about this but come round to the idea. He's been working away the past few weeks so we have hardly seen each other. I decided to book a caravan for the Easter weekend as he would be away. Take my son (Not his) an my sister's 2 little ones. My partner informed me he got the dates wrong an goes the following weekend not Easter weekend. I told him to come caravan with us. He could still have a night out with the lads on the Friday follow us up on Saturday an spend Easter together. He said why would he want to spend Easter with a load of kids an it costs to much money to go. It's only a hours drive away. If already paid for caravan. We have been together 10 years I dnt really trust him wen he goes away every year with the lads. But I still give him the benefit of the doubt. He has cheated on me. I forgave him an we moved on, am starting to think he isn't interested in me no more. There is an age gap am 35 he's 56. I dent go on mad holidays every year with the girls. I go on 1 family holiday. Why am I feeling let down by this? Am I wrong to think he should come away easter?

OP posts:

SneakyGremlins · 10/04/2019 07:14

With the greatest of respect, OP, what on earth are you doing?

Does he have any good points?

He's a cheat, not interested in your kids, he's rude to you...

FiveLittlePigs · 10/04/2019 07:25

If your friend was telling you this, what would your reaction be?

user1493413286 · 10/04/2019 07:32

A lads holiday at 56? Every year? Even though he’s cheated on you before? I wouldn’t be able to trust him.
If he’s going away the following weekend I wouldn’t expect he needs a night out with his other middle aged friends on the Easter weekend and would just expect him to come with me.

Original poster

Stressedmam · 10/04/2019 07:33

He does have good points. His argument is y dent I just go an enjoy myself it's no big deal he will see me when I get bk.. He just doesn't want to be with a load of kids. Am confused to y this is. As there great kids well behaved. I think it's me he doesn't want to be with. He says am bullying him to go. Instead of just going an enjoying myself

OP posts:

fourcanaries · 10/04/2019 07:34

Time to walk away. Sounds like you want different things.

Slicedpineapple · 10/04/2019 07:35

How is he as a step father? He sounds quite disengaged if he really doesn't want to spend a few days with children, one of them being his DSS.

Original poster

Stressedmam · 10/04/2019 07:36

My thoughts exactly. I wouldn't deny him a night out he works really hard. But I do expect some of his time considering he got the dates mixed up.

OP posts:

ThreeAnkleBiters · 10/04/2019 07:37

He sounds like an overgrown 14 year old. Why do you stay with him?

Pa1oma · 10/04/2019 07:38

“Lad’s holiday” at 56 years old?

Seriously OP, I’ve never heard such nonsense in my life.

Slicedpineapple · 10/04/2019 07:38

To be honest from reading this he sounds like he just wants to have a bachelor lifestyle (aka lads holidays and not being around children). But probably enjoys being in a relationship too. Do you have a good relationship the rest of the time? I know you've said he has cheated on you so potentially an eyebrow raising question to some but I am assuming you have moved past it if you are still together.

pilates · 10/04/2019 07:40

He doesn’t sound fully committed to you. I’m sure you could do better.

LordWheresMyShoes · 10/04/2019 07:41

Oh he can F the F off.

10 years your partner and doesn't want to be involved or help with your son? Can't be arsed to see you in his free time because the children are too much like hard work? Going on lads holidays age 56?? Cheated??

Why the hell haven't you chucked him in the bin already??

Original poster

Stressedmam · 10/04/2019 07:45

We do have a good relationship, an we spend time together go on family holidays, I only booked this caravan as I didn't fancy spending Easter alone, one of my friends is going with her children so I will have sone1 to talk to, just thought Easter was a family time. I'm feeling let down. An he feels am bullying him to go. My head is mashed. Am going anyway. Might then just go stay with my parents till I find a new place

OP posts:

BlueSkiesLies · 10/04/2019 07:46

Did you see the thread about how single mums are only good for a shag? His attitude seems like the guys in that thread!

HopefulAgain10 · 10/04/2019 07:46

Sorry you have fool written all over you.
So hes cheated , you dont trust him, doesnt want to spend time with a load of kids including your own, and you still cant see it?
Why are you so desperate for this loser?

Ellabella989 · 10/04/2019 07:47

It would be a deal breaker for me to be with someone that age who still referred to a trip as a “lads holiday”. Cringe!
His horrible behaviour and the fact he’s a cheat would be a 100% no brainier for me to sack him off though. He sounds vile!

TapasForTwo · 10/04/2019 07:49

He doesn't sound like much of a catch TBH, although I wouldn't want to spend a few nights in a caravan with 3 young children either - sorry.

Mygingercat · 10/04/2019 07:50

Eh?!

InMyCorner · 10/04/2019 07:52

Oh god, he sounds like one of those cringe worthy men who refuse to grow up. A 'lads holiday' at 56??

It seriously sounds like you could do miles better OP.

Prinstress · 10/04/2019 07:53

He’s not a lad though, he’s on the brink of being a pensioner

My love, you sound a wonderful mother and woman. You deserve to be with someone who actively wants to be a part of your life l.

InMyCorner · 10/04/2019 07:54

Oh and you're 35 OP!!! Plenty of time to find someone who truly adores you. You don't have to waste more of your life with this loser.

Original poster

Stressedmam · 10/04/2019 07:54

Tapas 4 two I booked the caravan as I cnt afford to go abroad for a few days, an it was better than being on my own all Easter. I do get lonely as my partner works long hours or is working away. I do work myself but when u get home do the tea an my son's in bed it's pretty isolating.

OP posts:

Icantthinkofasinglenamehelp · 10/04/2019 07:55

So many things stand out here.

On the one hand, they're not his kids so why would he want to go on a caravan holiday with three children? I wouldn't want to go on a caravan holiday with someone else's kids - not exactly relaxing.
On the other hand, you have been together a long time so I'm shocked that he doesn't fulfil a stepparent role to your child (and therefore want to spend time together as a family). It implies he's not dedicated to either of you, especially considering he's cheated on you and booking holidays apart from you.
Do adult men still go on "lad's holidays"? None of the men I know do I thought it was more a late teenage boy/early twenties single guy thing?
Why are you with someone who doesn't sound very nice, committed, loyal... He sounds like he acts like a young single guy when he's supposedly in a relationship. I don't know either of you but it sounds like you deserve better.

MaxNormal · 10/04/2019 07:57

Nearly 60 and going on "lad's holidays"? Cheated on you?
You can do so much better than this. Dump his almost pensionable arse.

TapasForTwo · 10/04/2019 07:57

Sorry Stressedmam, I wasn't criticising you, but I can see why he wouldn't want to stay in a caravan with 3 young children, two of whom he has no relationship with.

I hope you enjoy your Easter break. And I hope you meet someone who treats you with more respect than he does.

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