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Original poster

Lads holiday

117 replies

Stressedmam · 10/04/2019 07:11

Hi my partner is going away with the lads in April, he told me they were going the Easter weekend, at first I wasn't to happy about this but come round to the idea. He's been working away the past few weeks so we have hardly seen each other. I decided to book a caravan for the Easter weekend as he would be away. Take my son (Not his) an my sister's 2 little ones. My partner informed me he got the dates wrong an goes the following weekend not Easter weekend. I told him to come caravan with us. He could still have a night out with the lads on the Friday follow us up on Saturday an spend Easter together. He said why would he want to spend Easter with a load of kids an it costs to much money to go. It's only a hours drive away. If already paid for caravan. We have been together 10 years I dnt really trust him wen he goes away every year with the lads. But I still give him the benefit of the doubt. He has cheated on me. I forgave him an we moved on, am starting to think he isn't interested in me no more. There is an age gap am 35 he's 56. I dent go on mad holidays every year with the girls. I go on 1 family holiday. Why am I feeling let down by this? Am I wrong to think he should come away easter?

OP posts:
Original poster
Stressedmam · 10/04/2019 09:43

I dnt need legal advice. We're not married. He owned his house b4 he met me I can just move on, I dnt care to much for material possessions. I have enough money to start again, an I can slowly build a home. My son is 14 My niece an nephew are 5 an 6. We will have a lovely time. Thank you so much for advice. The reason I mentioned the age gap as it could be a factor why he is behaving this way mid life crisis etc. Iv had enough. An will look forward to spending time with the kids. We have always had are own money I just paid half rent an bills. Even tho the mortgage was paid, so I no I can live by ourselves. X

OP posts:
chickenalapesh · 10/04/2019 09:47

Huge hugs 💐

He sounds like an absolutely sorry excuse for a partner. Your strength will pull you through. Remember. You are better than this, it's all his fault.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/04/2019 09:52

Love your own self for a change OP and give yourself a chance to heal properly. His age is irrelevant but you chose a man badly and perhaps also out of some fear of being on your own.

And as for this idea of he having a midlife crisis, rubbish. He cheated because he felt entitled to do so and actually wanted to, it was and remains no reflection on you as a person. That is all on him and his overt sense of entitlement.

Your 14 year old probably does not like this man either because of how you are treated by him. He needs to be taught good and affirming relationships lessons, not this example of a relationship where he sees his mother in pieces.

Please consider counselling for your own self because this will also help rebuild your life too. Never pay into a property that you have no rights over.

Loyaultemelie · 10/04/2019 09:54

I'm glad you are able to start again op Thanks it's not his age or the age gap (I'm 36 Dh 55) and he would never treat me or dds like that but that's because he's made a commitment and isn't a
complete arsehole. Just remember you and ds deserve better

Aquiline · 10/04/2019 09:55

Exactly what Attila said. Good luck, OP.

Original poster
Stressedmam · 10/04/2019 09:59

Thank you I have allowed him to treat me like this
I have allowed him to cheat an blame me
Now I will allow myself to walk out, an try an find who I really am. Yes I feel really lost an vulnerable right now, but i reckon this time next year I will look back an laugh at how stupid he was to loose me, not how stupid I was to let him destroy my confidence an self worth. Xxxx

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 10/04/2019 10:00

Well I'm glad you saw the light in the space of a couple of hours on MN. Despite him cheating on you at least 3 times (that you know of), having little interest in your child, it takes a few strangers on the internet to open your eyes? While he sounds like a complete prick, I have to say I don't blame him for not going to the caravan for Easter. It's enough to hole up in a caravan with your own teen, but adding your sisters much younger kids was hardly going to appeal to him. You are best off leaving him to his bachelor lifestyle while you concentrate on building a better life for yourself and your child.

nettie434 · 10/04/2019 10:03

this time next year I will look back an laugh at how stupid he was to loose me, not how stupid I was to let him destroy my confidence an self worth

Yes! Really hope it works out for you and that your holiday is the start of something much better.

SnakeRattleRoll · 10/04/2019 10:04

@Drum2018 I know if I hardly ever saw my partner, who I apparently loved, and worked away lots, then I would put up with 10 screaming kids if it meant I got to spend some time with them.

No, it might not sound like an ideal weekend, but when you are a grown up, you make sacrifices. This man is unfortunately not a "grown up".

Original poster
Stressedmam · 10/04/2019 10:05

Drum I have seen what's going on for a while just didn't want to believe it. I keep my problems to myself an never burden my family or friends so for me to seek advice means I was going anyway just looking for that bit of courage. The caravan is beautiful and on a lovely site with great ammenities. I mean could be worse sharing a room with 2 other men sticking of ale. The kids are brilliant kids with fabulous manners. An I will love every second. But I appreciate that caravans are not 4 u.

OP posts:
BillyGoatGruff007 · 10/04/2019 10:06

Lovey, you're only 35; you have a lot of (much better) life ahead of you so please do yourself and your child a favour and walk away.

NotStayingIn · 10/04/2019 10:06

Good luck OP! The next few months will no doubt be hard but it will be worth it. You deserve a great life and relationship, and your son a good step dad. I’m so glad you are no longer going to settle for this. X

HopefulAgain10 · 10/04/2019 10:08

Well done op!. Glad you decided you and your ds are worth more than this.
You are still young enough to start again and turn it all around. Your ds will be doing his own thing soon so spend your precious time on him.

Good luck to him trying to find someone else who will put up with that load of nonsense.

Butterflyone1 · 10/04/2019 10:09

Are you delusional?? You say you have a 'good relationship' and he's cheated on you before. What planet are you on?? Is your self respect that low that you'll stay with a man child instead of being a strong independent women. What on earth is he teaching your son? It's acceptable to never spend time with someone you supposedly love.

Have some strength and walk the hell away.

Butterflyone1 · 10/04/2019 10:11

Sorry I've just seen that you have actually walked away. That's amazing well done. It certainly sounds like you've done the right thing for you and your son. It takes so much courage to walk away so well done again.

optimisticpessimist01 · 10/04/2019 10:12

Wow, people are really judgmental about a man wanting to go on holiday with his friends. My dad is 50 and goes on a long weekend away with his mates most years, its really not a problem.

The problem is that he has cheated before and therefore you cannot trust him on these holidays. If you don' trust your husband you shouldn't be with him full stop. Nobody should stay with someone they don't trust

I think it's strange that he doesn't want to come to the caravan with you. Is your sister going too or just you and the kids? I can kinda see his point of view that he doesn't want to spend a weekend with a bunch of loud, energetic kids but I think he should do it regardless. What else will he do instead just sit at home on his own?

optimisticpessimist01 · 10/04/2019 10:12

Well done OP, your a really strong woman and this is what is best for you and your family.

Best of luck for the future x

Aquiline · 10/04/2019 10:15

Wow, people are really judgmental about a man wanting to go on holiday with his friends.

People are judgemental because the man is clearly a total wanker.

HauntedPencil · 10/04/2019 10:32

Well done OP you deserve a lot better than this.

We both go away on separate weekends etc here but he sounds like a total pipe.

I hope you have a lovely break, I love a caravan weekend I do.

TapasForTwo · 10/04/2019 12:04

Stay strong Flowers

goose1964 · 10/04/2019 12:20

I think the term lads holiday raises a flag, it implies booze, drugs (if that's their thing) and sex if available, or a holiday with your mates, which would be a shared interest, sightseeing etc and some boozing and no sex

HBStowe · 10/04/2019 12:27

Soooo he’s a cheat and you don’t trust him. There is no future in this relationship and if you stay in it you’re just condemning yourself to unhappiness.

AuntMarch · 10/04/2019 12:35

I know of a group of men that go on holidays together aged from about 45-65. None of them are still with the mother of their children - some are in relationships but are very clear that this time round they are keeping some time to themselves, which is exactly what I would do too!

I also highly doubt I'd want to spend a weekend with 2 young children that weren't my partner's offspring.

What I also wouldn't do though is repeatedly cheat on someone. So leave him anyway.

Mummyshark2018 · 10/04/2019 13:04

The cheating would have me running for the hills. He does not deserve you and seems to take you for granted. he wants a single life with a much younger partner at home. Cake and eat it.....
The thing Easter is a non issue though and I don't think you can be too upset about that. My dh would probably not want to go and stay in a caravan with a lot of kids (that aren't his) and a couple that he may not know very well. Plus he was never going to see you at Easter anyway. It seems that this was just the straw that broke the camels back. I hope it all works out for you xx

Lifeonmars77 · 10/04/2019 13:09

What @MaxNormal said. With big jingly jangly bells on.