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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lads holiday

117 replies

Stressedmam · 10/04/2019 07:11

Hi my partner is going away with the lads in April, he told me they were going the Easter weekend, at first I wasn't to happy about this but come round to the idea. He's been working away the past few weeks so we have hardly seen each other. I decided to book a caravan for the Easter weekend as he would be away. Take my son (Not his) an my sister's 2 little ones. My partner informed me he got the dates wrong an goes the following weekend not Easter weekend. I told him to come caravan with us. He could still have a night out with the lads on the Friday follow us up on Saturday an spend Easter together. He said why would he want to spend Easter with a load of kids an it costs to much money to go. It's only a hours drive away. If already paid for caravan. We have been together 10 years I dnt really trust him wen he goes away every year with the lads. But I still give him the benefit of the doubt. He has cheated on me. I forgave him an we moved on, am starting to think he isn't interested in me no more. There is an age gap am 35 he's 56. I dent go on mad holidays every year with the girls. I go on 1 family holiday. Why am I feeling let down by this? Am I wrong to think he should come away easter?

OP posts:

Springwalk · 10/04/2019 08:54

Dump his almost pensionable arse

I second the pp.

What the hell are you doing with an old man soon to be pensioner who cheats on you, and would rather go on a lads holiday than be with you?

You are still young, move on quickly (to someone that can give you company, kindness and respect) whilst you still have the energy to start again.

Springwalk · 10/04/2019 08:55

Lots of people retire at sixty, so yes he is nearly there, less than four years to go in fact....assuming he even works that is.

Springwalk · 10/04/2019 08:56

And isn't leading a double life somewhere. Once a liar always a liar.

oldmum22 · 10/04/2019 08:58

Forget anything to do with age.
Forget the caravan holiday

Focus on the unwillingness to put you first ,spend time with you and your child and behave as a family.

He needs to face reality ,dump him and find someone whatever age, who sees you as their world. He doesn't !
Make sure his belongings are all packed (unwashed and unironed) ready for his next adventure with the lads to Benidorm, Magaluf etc etc

TapasForTwo · 10/04/2019 08:59

Lots of people don't retire at 60

Nanny0gg · 10/04/2019 08:59

If it's described as a 'Lads Holiday' I think it's a safe bet he's not going for the culture and cuisine.

I'd be interested to know the destination...

IncrediblySadToo · 10/04/2019 09:00

You're a single parent and he doesn't like children? That seems like quite a massive obstacle

Plenty of women with their own kids ‘don’t like children’ & don’t want to go away with (at least) 4 other kids that aren’t their own.

Lads holiday, more like a whist drive or luncheon club outing.Hes way too old for you OP bin him and meet someone else

These comments are just so ridiculous. He’s 56, not 96. Luncheon club. How fucking offensive. I have friends in their 50’s doing marathons and climbing mountains.

Bluewall · 10/04/2019 09:01

You get your bus pass at 60 ......

woollyheart · 10/04/2019 09:02

It sounds like he does what he pleases - night's out with the lads and lads holidays. But gives you grief when you go out!

He doesn't sound very committed to you. I would use the long period of not seeing him as a chance of getting used to being on your own.

outpinked · 10/04/2019 09:04

He’s not a lad though, he’s on the brink of being a pensioner

This is ridiculous. He’s basically used you for a decade, you can do better. Find someone who doesn’t think they’re a ‘lad’ in their late fifties and doesn’t cheat on you.

woollyheart · 10/04/2019 09:05

If you are in England, you don't get a bus pass at 60. Bus passes are only given once you reach your official state pension retirement age. Which seems to move into the far off distance regularly....

SallyWD · 10/04/2019 09:05

It does seem a bit odd that a 56 year old goes on lads holidays and frequent nights out with the lads. Nothing wrong with him seeing his friends but as its described as "lads nights out" it makes me think of drunken behaviour and eyeing up women. In a way though I CAN understand his reluctance to go away on this weekend simply because I wouldn't enjoy going away with my husband's family and kids in a caravan. I need lots of space and privacy and I think I'd feel a little claustrophobic with lots of people on a caravan. If in general you feel he's committed to you and your child and spends lots of time with you then I wouldn't worry so much. If you feel he often can't be bothered to be with you then that's a different matter...

nooddsocksforme · 10/04/2019 09:06

Wow ECHT. I am 57 and could have a great weekend away with my girlfriends with not a whist drive in sight. My dh has holidays with his friends - usually in Germany where they go to football. Your comment is very insulting and if it were racist or sexist in the same way there would be an outcry. God forbid you ever get “old”. Yourself.

Op he is totally selfish and taking you for granted . It may not be unreasonable for him not to want to go to the caravan but the rest of his behaviour shows little respect for you

Ledkr · 10/04/2019 09:13

Is be completely turned off by a 56 year old having a "lads holiday" at least be with a guy your age who has some of the benefits as well as still having Kada holidays and I say that as a 52 year old who still loves to party .

TapasForTwo · 10/04/2019 09:14

Not where I live Bluewall. I will get mine when I am 66. I do have a senior railcard though

InMyCorner · 10/04/2019 09:16

I think it is the fact it's referred to as 'lads night' or 'lads holiday' that makes me think it's more likely some pissed up Ibiza type do (especially considering he's a known cheat).

Where is he going OP?

InMyCorner · 10/04/2019 09:18

Cos when I do go out with my friends (very rare occasion) I get grief for months

Urghhh get rid. Honestly.

echt · 10/04/2019 09:23

Possibly I didn't to explain myself clearly enough. I'll break it down:

Ageism on this thread is sickening I think there's a lot of nauseating ageism on this thread

Take his age out of the equation and the advice would be the same

What this means is that had the OP not mentioned his age, she would have still been told to bin him off, so his age is irrelevant, it's his behaviour that's the issue.

MyNewBearTotoro · 10/04/2019 09:24

How old is your son and the other kids going? Does he get on well with your friend and her partner? Does he have his own kids?

I can sort of see his point about not wanting to go on a caravan holiday with your friend and their kids if it’s going to be a very child-centred thing. Some people just find children annoying; I have child-free friends who would not find a holiday relaxing if they had to spend it with children so I don’t think he’s unreasonable to say no to joining you for the weekend.

That said, it sounds like you have bigger issues in this relationship if he has a history of cheating, putting holidays with ‘the lads’ before you and if you don’t trust him. That would be telling me this relationship isn’t sustainable.

MatchSetPoint · 10/04/2019 09:30

I’m all for keeping family’s together and trying to work through problems but in your case I make an exception.

Original poster

Stressedmam · 10/04/2019 09:31

I'm such an idiot, I feel really low right now! Luckily I have my own office, an no one can see my tears. I have allowed myself to be treated this way. Luckily he's not back till Friday so I have time to move out. It's his house if always paid rent an my half towards bills. So I should be able to afford a rented flat. In the mean time I could stay with my parents. An if am honest he has cheated more than 3x I just couldn't bear to admit that he was doing it to me. Having a child with asd an a full time job I was just happy to have some1 to talk to in the evenings. I decided to go for an older gentleman cos I thought I would never have to deal with a cheat. As my son's dad cheated with a work colleague. It's probably just me.

OP posts:

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 10/04/2019 09:31

Sounds like my arse of an exH.

Nowt to do with age. He was just a selfish cock wanting to stay forever young and free.

You've been with him 10 yrs and he doesn't want to spend Easter with you and DS, his DSS.
And seems happy to not see you both for weeks?

Get rid. Use the time he's away to get some legal advice. You're still young. Live your life.

TheDarkPassenger · 10/04/2019 09:34

My dads 65 and still goes on lads holidays. Dunno why everyone’s being so weird about it on here my mum goes on girls holidays too and she’s the same age. They’re not fucking decrepit!

The other things are huge issues though, I would hate it if my partner had no interest in seeing his step son!

Aquiline · 10/04/2019 09:37

His age is irrelevant as far as I'm concerned (though I agree some comments are extremely ageist) -- what shocks me is that you have been this man's partner for ten years, he lives with you and your children, and he appears uncommitted, unfaithful, uninterested in your happiness, in your son and in no way fulfilling a step parent role.

You keep mentioning 'family time' Easter is 'family time' but this man doesn't think he's part of a family, he sees himself as a semi-single man with a back up woman at home doing the housework on the rare occasions he's there.

Theres's nothing for you in this excuse for a relationship, OP -- you and your son deserve more.

Aquiline · 10/04/2019 09:38

Sorry -- child, not children.

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