To use a childminder when a SAHM

[JaffacakesAreCakesNotBiscuits]

Bit of background. I gave up work after having dd a Yr ago. Mainly due to the childcare and travel costs would of used the equivalent of my pay.. Plus my job was making me really ill, stressed and depressed and didn't want to go back to being reliant on ADs like I was years ago
. Dp works ft.. Out of the house 7.30 till 6.30 Mon to Fri and 8 till 1 sat PLUS he's a musician/singer andv often has bookings 2x nights a week from 8/9pm.so then it's home shower dinner and out.
This obviously leaves the majority to me which I don't mind, except now dd is clingy. Literally like velcro lol. And it's exhausting.

Dp suggested a childminder 1 session a week maybe so I get 'me' time. Whether that's to relax or get things done. That would be my choice.
I just feel soo guilty for doing that. It feels like I'd be palming her off. Altho she would love it.

We already do baby groups Mon, wed and Fri. And try to squeeze in grocery shopping on a Thurs and other errands. and I help care for a grandparent on a Tues morning
Weekends we have dsd and also have my teen here . So hectic to get things done the weekend.
I doubt I'd use the time to relax as that's just not me and I'd use the time to get things done that I can't with dd in tow. But in a weird way I'd feel relaxed getting things done

Dp does loads when he's here around the house except cook. As I can't eat late as makes me feel ill. And I like to get it done for when he gets in so we can eat as a family with the dcs to sit at the table and catch up on our day. But he does his share in other stuff.

Wibu to use a childminder 1 session a week. Either a morning or. Afternoon? Would I come Across selfish?

Who do you need to justify it to? If you can afford it, why not?

Of course YANBU! I didn’t need to put my DS into nursery for two mornings a week when he turned two. I did it so he could have some space away from me, socialise and experience all that nursery has to offer and so that I could have some breathing room to get stuff done. It’s absolutely fine.

It might take a while to settle her in for one session a week - could you have her there for 2 half days so it becomes familiar more quickly?

Absolutely nothing wrong with what you're suggesting.

No you wouldn’t! If you could afford it, do it!

Hell yeah - good for you and your child
Do it 👊🏼

Didn't think of that. I'm just always paranoid I'd be judged? Prob silly I know but sometimes I need to be told I'm being silly and to do it.
The lady dp had in mind who's a fully registered CM and dd knows anyway from Groups. So hopefully would settle OK..
She's clingy at home but in her baby groups and even when try new ones she runs off and doesn't bat an eyelid where I am lol

Would you feel guilty using a day annual leave if you worked full time in another job? If you can afford it, do it. There are some things that are far easier to do without a baby in tow.

OK thanks. Yeah we can afford it..
Gonna phone tomorrow to book a viewing

I can see no reason for guilt. Your DP sounds a very decent man all round by the way

Peeing without a baby in tow is easier haha. She follws me everywhere!
But yeah definitely agree.
Thanks for making me. See sense.

Thanks yeah he is, he does have useless moments but that's another story lmao

I’m a SAHM and my ds is in nursery 3 full days a week

Mine both went to nursery a couple of sessions a week from about 14/15 months and I was a SAHP . I felt it was a good idea for them to mix with others of the same age and I wasn’t keen on baby groups myself .

I'm just always paranoid I'd be judged?

You most definitely will be - but they will most likely never say it to your face and the type of people who are likely to judge will be either:

A) Jealous

or

B) Sexist

So who cares what they think anyway?! I was/am in your situation and I put my DC in childcare two days per week - it’s been bliss and I’m a much better mother now that I have space to breathe twice a week! Don’t think twice OP - go for it

I do not understand why anyone would put their child to childcare to get “me” time. This must be a new thing!!! Nursery to mix with other children maybe

When I worked part time my son was in kindergarten full time. Don’t feel guilty. You need catch up time for yourself and to get stuff done.

Go for it! I'm a cm and care for children who's parents work, or don't work. It's Irrelevant really.

I provide a child care service and the children have a fantastic time with me, with lots of outings and activities.

Find the right cm and your child will be happy. And so will you x x

Go for it. I did it, albeit a nursery two full days per week and by then pregnant with DC2. I did the same with DC2 when my eldest got funded school nursery. It benefited them as well as me. I did some study and volunteer work as well as time for myself and saving my sanity. I also couldn’t afford to work, I ended up starting a new career once they started school. Who cares what judgements people may make.

Absolutely do it! If I had another child I would be having a morning off a week to catch up. Great for socialisation and good for Mum to get a break. Go for it xx

Nothing wrong with a bit of me time my friend! I have two school hour days now DSs are in school and it's amazing. Yoga, swimming, running, netflix... Why should you not???

You will be judged, OP. You just have to be ready for it. And never feel like you have to justify your decision to anyone, especially the ones being rude and judgy.

I learned to use ‘it’s what works for us’ years ago as a SAHM and still say that almost weekly to this day (my 3 DC are in school now).

If I could give new mothers everywhere anything, it would be the foresight not to care one iota about being judged.
It’s so detrimental.

Do it, enjoy it and not one fuck should you give about anyone else’s opinion.

Fantastic dog , not a new thing at all. My son is 25 now and I recognised I was a human after all even when he was a baby.

fantasticdog yep deffo a new thing! Years ago all mothers loved their children but now they just openly hate them and palm them off asap

@fantasticdog do you really not see the appeal of a bit of time solo to get on top of some chores or enjoy a coffee and a book in peace for a couple of hours every week? If you can afford it and your partner is out the house for so the child waking hours except saturday afternoon and Sunday? I can see it very clearly!

And this being a modern thing... I strongly disagree. Have you ever heard the phrase 'it takes a village to raise a child'? Considered me primitive societies? Consists what the royals etc do? IMO it is very unnatural and a weird artefact of very specific modern set ups for those a couple of rungs below the top money wise that anyone is expected to spend every waking minute looking after childten or dog housework with no break. That is seriously unnatural

Throughout the whole of humanity's history think how few people are in this situation.

We're 'supposed' to live in family / community groups and help each other out, herding the children around in a big group supervised by a few grannies while the mums go pick berries and gossip. Modern society has cut us away from this natural state entirely.

I'm not saying we should return to it, but I do think acknowledging that society has changed quicker by han evolution is worth a thought

And why not benefit the local economy by paying for childcare an recharging your batteries so you can be a better parent the rest of the time? Good for everyone concerned