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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my SIL hates me for stealing her limelight

130 replies

MissPollyHadADolly19 · 09/04/2019 21:33

Me and SIL have had a fantastic relationship throughout mine and DHs marriage, when she was pregnant with her DD and after the birth we was even closer, we would talk every day and see eachother whenever possible.
Then I found out I was expecting in December and have seen her all of twice since and mainly by circumstance rather than choice, probably speak to her once in a blue moon and not once she has asked me about the pregnancy or even how I am in general.
As it is she's her DMs "favourite" and her DD is the only grandchild, which I believe SIL thought would be the case for a long time due to the fact I have had fertility issues and none of the other siblings have or are likely to have any DC in the near future. SIL quite likes being the centre of attention and is now well aware that because I am also having a DD that she is going to lose centre stage, for reference mine and MIL still have a good relationship. MIL also provides SIL with financial support, childcare, housing and everything inbetween - I don't expect any of this but obviously SIL must think otherwise.
Am I being over dramatic or is my SIL being abit of a brat?

OP posts:
keenwasalad · 09/04/2019 22:12

Omg she's going through a divorce?! Well surely there's your answer??!! Confused

WorraLiberty · 09/04/2019 22:12

Yes I'm sure a scan pic is just what she needs right now when she's going through a divorce, with a 1 year old baby to care for.

You're obviously not interested in what's up with her, otherwise you wouldn't be second guessing.

Perhaps that's the problem? Maybe she sees you as a bit selfish and feels your relationship with her is quite one-sided?

ArabellaDoreenFig · 09/04/2019 22:13

Your SiL has a 1 month old, and is going through a divorce, honestly OP give your head a (gentle!) wobble, it’s no wonder she doesn’t have time/inclination to do daily contact!

If you want to be a good friend then send her a message telling her you hope she is ok and to get in touch if she wants a chat.

WorraLiberty · 09/04/2019 22:13

Then pic up the phone and speak to her if you care as much as you say.

Original poster
MissPollyHadADolly19 · 09/04/2019 22:13

So when I was struggling with infertility and she was expecting did I cut contact? No of course not.

OP posts:
Mintandthyme · 09/04/2019 22:14

Is this your first pregnancy?

HollowTalk · 09/04/2019 22:15

@ArabellaDoreenFig, her SIL's baby is 11 months old. No idea where you got 1 month from.

Original poster
MissPollyHadADolly19 · 09/04/2019 22:15

1 year old you mean? Divorce been processing for a year an hasn't been a reason for no contact before? Only since the announcement of my pregnancy, just seems abit odd to me..

OP posts:
Original poster
MissPollyHadADolly19 · 09/04/2019 22:16

2nd pregnancy, 1st with DH and 1st since diagnosed with fertility issues.

OP posts:
Catchingbentcoppers · 09/04/2019 22:16

There are an awful lot of assumptions being made on this thread. There's a real spurt of snidey, patronising comments on MN at the moment, it's a bit shit really.

OP, have you asked your SIL outright what's going on? If not, I think you need to be quite direct (politely of course) if you want to get to the bottom of this.

Original poster
MissPollyHadADolly19 · 09/04/2019 22:17

WorraLiberty, you're either not getting it or choosing not to.

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 09/04/2019 22:18

YANBU. It is very odd that she hasn't asked you about your pregnancy.

I agree, I think OP is also correct, trust your instincts, your SIL sounds jealous OP. Flowers

Snappedandfarted2019 · 09/04/2019 22:18

I mean this kindly it’s the same for weddings as pregnancys people aren’t that interested in what stage you’re at or if you’re going to breast feed or not only the couple or possibly grandparents. As I said she’s going through a divorce has never experienced having that family a unit from the start and did it all on her own.

WorraLiberty · 09/04/2019 22:19

Oh I'm getting it alright.

Just because the divorce has been ok up until now, it doesn't mean it still is.

Just because she's been coping with the baby up until now, it doesn't mean she still is.

In fact, absolutely anything could be up with her but if it makes you feel better to assume she's jealous of you for some reason, then crack on.

WildfirePonie · 09/04/2019 22:25

Is no one reading the OPs Updates?! Sounds like SIL is jealous, very odd to stop talking to you after your announcement.

Wolfiefan · 09/04/2019 22:25

Worra I agree. OP her life isn’t all about you. If you CBA to call her and see what’s up then I don’t it.

Eliza9919 · 09/04/2019 22:28

Ignore most posters op. They are being deliberately obtuse. It's obvious she's got a bee in her bonnet about you being pg. Stop chasing her and giving her attention. I bet there'll be some big drama involving her shortly after.

rudewordsaretheshit · 09/04/2019 22:28

I agree it sounds strange and can understand your hurt but don't send her a picture from your scan. That's just insensitive and self-absorbed. Even if she is jealous of you - jealousy is a horrible, painful feeling that eats up from the inside. Don't make that worse for her.

MitziK · 09/04/2019 22:28

Her soon to be XDH sounds an utter prick.

She just might not have the ability to engage with anybody whilst in the middle of such a shitstorm. Some people just can't when they're in that situation, especially after over a year of it.

ShesABelter · 09/04/2019 22:36

I'm baffled at the replies on here. Some are downright bitchy unnessecarily to a pregnant woman.

Op it sounds like she is jealous. Some people only want a friend when it's all about them and when it's not all about them they drop you. I'd just get on with things and ignore her. She doesn't deserve your friendship.

CantStopMeNow · 09/04/2019 22:36

I announced my pregnancy, since then I've not heard anything from her she will reply to my messages but with simple dead ended answers and will not go out of her way to contact me unless she has to
OP - trust your instincts and don't accept any excuses for her behaviour.
You already know what her personality type is like and that she likes to be 'number one'.
Don't accept being shunned and treated like your good news is something to be ignored.
Don't let her make this all about her.

I wouldn't contact her or send her your scan pictures.
Leave it up to her to contact you.

She sounds very immature and cosseted and people like that have a nasty habit of trying to piss on other people's sunshine.

WorraLiberty · 09/04/2019 22:47

Ignore most posters op. They are being deliberately obtuse. It's obvious she's got a bee in her bonnet about you being pg.

No it's not obvious!

There could be all manner of reasons and jealousy may or may not be one of them.

alittlesnow · 09/04/2019 22:47

@MissPollyHadADolly19

Your SIL is - IMO - most definitely a bit put out and a bit jealous, but I don't think she is being nasty on purpose. She just probably thinks that you and the new baby will be the centre of attention now, and with her getting divorced soon, she may feel she will be pushed out.

Message her and ask her to go for a coffee. Be the bigger person. I know you have done nothing wrong, but it wouldn't hurt to reach out to her. Sounds like she is a bit hurt and miffed for some reason.

Original poster
MissPollyHadADolly19 · 09/04/2019 22:52

Sending the scan picture felt like abit of an ice breaker, atleast her reaction would be proof of how she feels I guess. Maybe it's a bad idea though as some PPs have said.
I know it's not all about me and she has been going through a hard time but contact was all well and good even at the worse parts of her divorce.
She has always liked being the centre of attention and has had habits of throwing a tantrum when things don't go her way but normally she's more outspoken so I could imagine if I had done something to upset her, she would of told me.
I never bothered with her "queen bee attitude" because it had never affected me directly and it never changed the relationship between us, we always treated eachother the same despite other feuds in the family. As I said before SIL and DH have a very rocky relationship, I was surprised at how close we was because of this so it felt it would of taken alot to of broke the bond we had.

OP posts:
smallereveryday · 09/04/2019 22:54

Jesus Christ MN is a really unpleasant place sometimes.

The OP clearly stated that this behaviour has happened at the EXACT same time that she announced her pregnancy and the relationship until this point was very very close. Of course it's logical to assume the two are related !
Is there some secret MM competition at the moment to trawl posts and search out any possible angle in which to attack the OP ? and if you can't find one then to develop some weird back story in your heads in order to attack and be as obtuse as possible?

What happened to MN being a place where mums supported each other ? It's become a place where a bunch of angry keyboards warriors look to attack at the drop of a hat. Sad and slightly pathetic.

You have a valid concern OP, the only solution is to go see her and ask . If you were that close, you can do that. Good luck I hope you are able to repair your relationship and get some answers. But be prepared that she may not even realise her own reasons or be able to verbalise them.