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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On holiday with dp and his parents.. AIBU

79 replies

bellareena · 09/04/2019 10:25

On holiday with dp and his parents. Didn't realise how hard it would be! Am I just being really nasty here or does anyone else get what I mean... there's no privacy, Mum keeps mothering him and making remarks "he's got a poorly leg watch out" that was me just passing by his legs (dp had a motorbike incident prior to the holiday)
I just feel suffocated. Not helping with dp as he's just listening mostly to them, whatever they wanna do he does not thinking of the kids at all. I feel I can't complain, this was dps Christmas present from "us" he's paid for it all and I know I should try stay put n let them enjoy their holiday but it's hard, we have another three nights and four days. It just feels all too much
Should I say something? It's annoying as we're staying in a gite n it's very compact so u can hear convos from even upstairs !! I don't dare say anything incase they hear!! Maybe I feel a bit left out because they're both sitting in the front with dp in the transporter - I'm at the back with the kids which isn't any fun picnic, feels like I'm a babysitter if anything. I feel guilty for these thoughts 

OP posts:
BadLad · 09/04/2019 10:27

It's annoying as we're staying in a gite n it's very compact

I have learned a new word today - thank you.

Theimpossiblegirl · 09/04/2019 10:27

If they are just being generally irritating I'd suck it up. It's just a few days. Can you fake a headache and go and lie down with a book or go for a walk with dh leaving then with the kids?

Original poster
bellareena · 09/04/2019 10:29

@BadLad

??? Are you being sarcastic here? Thanks for your Inout

OP posts:
Still18atheart · 09/04/2019 10:29

Has he always been a mummas boy? Or is this a new development?

GabriellaMontez · 09/04/2019 10:29

It sounds awful. Let him know while it's fresh in your mind that you're never doing it again.

Original poster
bellareena · 09/04/2019 10:30

Thanks but if I do anything on my "own" or away from them they take this an insult I don't like them!! This is just in general!

Gonna try suck it up
Yes he always like this with them spends most of our time with them Hmm

OP posts:
BadLad · 09/04/2019 10:30

Nope. Never heard of gites. Was going to ask what you meant, assuming it was a typo, but i looked it up just before I hit "Post", luckily.

TheChiefBMS · 09/04/2019 10:32

You will just have to brave it out, by the sounds. Try to imagine DP and in laws are on one holiday and you and kids on another. Expect to just enjoy the rest of the hol with the children and the minutiae of DP and parents is not your problem. Easier said than done, but worth it if you can. Some of my happiest hol memories are of little holidays I took my DSs on when they were small and I was single mum. Try and have 3 days of that.

Good luck.

livefornaps · 09/04/2019 10:33

Well I don't blame him. We all love to be pampered and looked after. Thing is he should have never bothered getting a partner and kids if all he wanted to do was stay with mommy forever.

GetOffTheRoof · 09/04/2019 10:35

Plan a day out tomorrow without him or them! Take the kids, and the van and go. Have a day in peace.

TheChiefBMS · 09/04/2019 10:36

Just seen that they dislike you and DC doing other things...

Makes my last suggestion less practical.

Have a word with DP and suggest he'd be better able to entertain his parents if the DC were engaged in age appropriate stuff elsewhere. He could maybe start each day with "DP and DC are going to do X today, so we can do Y!" and put a positive spin on it? Or is he as bad as them?

Blessingsdragon1 · 09/04/2019 10:40

Who gives a fuck if they 'dislike' it ? I can not get over this attitude. It's perfectly possible to be nice but assertive.

LoudBatPerson · 09/04/2019 10:41

As this holiday is actually the PIL's Christmas present from you all, it is right that they get to decide what they want to do and I think your DH is mainly right about going along with what they want. I do feel for you if interests are different, but I do think that if you give someone a holiday as a present then you have to let them decide how they spend it.

However I think you need to put your foot down and say I am taking the DC to x place for a couple of hours, so you can all have some space.

TheVanguardSix · 09/04/2019 10:41

Suck it up and take note: never again. Don’t even tell DP. Just say ‘no’ if such a holiday offer ever makes its appearance again.

Just blast through this and keep counting down until you’re off home.
I really feel for you. Time must be crawling!

Satwatchinganotherswimlesson · 09/04/2019 10:44

I have to go on holiday with my MIL every year. I could have written this post. My husband switches between being a total mummy’s boy and a vile teenager. He will not lift a finger. I find it incredibly claustrophobic. A few things get time through: 1. I look at my children and think about how much I adore them. My mil must feel like this about my husband. It must be hard for her having me there as I am now the main female in the family (my husband and children. This helps me cut her some slack. 2. Day time drinking is totally acceptable on holiday. Just enough to be merry and still be able to watch the kids.

Could you ask them to babysit one night so you and your husband can go for a nice dinner?

As much as I’ve wanted to run from these holidays, I’m afraid you have to suck it up. You’ll regret it if you don’t. Can you tell them you feel unwell and need a lie down ( lie in bed with a book). If they have a car your husband and his parents could take the kids out so you can feel better.

Honestly you will get through this. I’m a pro. Wonder if my mil dreads the annual holiday as much as me 🤔

ILoveMaxiBondi · 09/04/2019 10:44

if I do anything on my "own" or away from them they take this an insult I don't like them!!

So? That’s their problem. Grow a thicker skin and get on with whatever you fancy doing. Leave the kids with them and have some time to yourself. You’re on holiday!

Blessingsdragon1 · 09/04/2019 10:46

And it may be a present but it's the holiday not your submission that's the 'gift'.

TheChiefBMS · 09/04/2019 10:47

Blessingdragon,

I'd ordinarily agree but this is PILs holiday, their gift from OPs DP. It alters the dynamic a bit and OP could probably survive the next few days better without a row.

JaneEyre07 · 09/04/2019 10:47

I think a quiet word with DP along the lines of "if this carries on, we will be talking through a solicitor when we get home" should do the trick.

Don't sacrifice a precious holiday to tiptoe around anyone.

EL8888 · 09/04/2019 10:48

It’s your holiday and the children’s holiday so l think stuff should be done that everyone likes. Not just his parents. I would also mix up the seating arrangements so you don’t feel like the babysitter all the time

downcasteyes · 09/04/2019 10:50

Oh God, YANBU and I feel for you. I know exactly what you mean about feeling 'suffocated'. Half way through a 5-day break with my PILs a few years ago, I actually seriously considered self-harm as a way to make it stop. They are exactly like your PIL in the sense that they insist that the entire family does every activity together from 8am to 11pm. They are also unable to have a conversation with either of us as adults, and resort instead to treating us as though we are children, which is deeply frustrating. I've come to the conclusion that anything more than 2 days with them is just far, far too much.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 09/04/2019 10:51

The gift was “we’re paying for you to come on holiday with us”. If the gift was paying for the in laws to have a holiday then OP and her DH and DC wouldn’t be there, the in-laws would be away of on their own to wherever. This isn’t the in-laws holiday. It’s a family holiday that the OP and her DH have paid for the in-laws to come on. They don’t get to decide what OP does.

Chocolateisfab · 09/04/2019 10:53

A mummy's boy can't be very attractive sexually. Maybe point that out?!

cuppycakey · 09/04/2019 10:54

I agree with PP - as this is their present you have to suck it up to some extent, whilst making multiple promises to yourself that "never again"

However, why do you care if they get the hump about you doing something different? So they get the hump? So what? It's Ok for you to be upset but not mummy? Is that it?

What would happen if you jumped into the front of the car?

I would feign a migraine and spend a day alone with a good book.

EL8888 · 09/04/2019 10:54

@ILoveMaxiBondi exactly!

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