Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

AIBU or was he in the wrong?

27 replies

Amongstthewildthings · 09/04/2019 08:17

So yesterday my husband and I had a row before bed.

Basically, earlier on in the evening I was about to play a video on my phone and I asked him if it would bother him if I played it out loud (as a courtesy.) He said he would prefer if I used my earphones, but that if I didn't have them it was fine, so I played the video (earphones downstairs.)

Later on he started playing a video out loud, and I said I would appreciate if he could ask me too as a courtesy because the video was loud and I was trying to read. I don't think I said this rudely. He then said 'oh it's always tit for tat with you' and got huffy and went to have a shower. I was annoyed at the way he spoke to me so went to sleep in a different room (can never sleep next to someone whose grumpy) and then came back into the bedroom as it was too cold.

DH was loving to me but I didn't like how he acted loving after being grumpy without acknowledging he had been a bit mean, so I said (again, not argumentatively) that I didn't understand why what I said had upset him. He said 'omg, one word PMS.' He knows I suffer with PMDD and so I don't appreciate this. He then told me to fuck off.

Was this an argument over nothing? Either way the way he spoke to me made me angry so I asked him to sleep downstairs as I won't be spoken to that way. He woke up this morning and stormed out saying nothing. I don't even feel angry - just not sure why he got so annoyed by what I said.

OP posts:

hipslikecinderella · 09/04/2019 08:18

I've no idea I have rows like this with dh all the time.

PotteringAlong · 09/04/2019 08:19

You did sound a bit petty

Geminijes · 09/04/2019 08:21

You had a childish argument. If you wasn't lazy and you had fetched the earphones from downstairs then the spat could have been avoided.

ladymariner · 09/04/2019 08:22

I think you overreacted, tbh. You went to sleep in a different room then came back because you were cold....sounds like attention seeking to me.

Barbie222 · 09/04/2019 08:22

I don't think I'd have slept elsewhere after the conversation over the phone, but his morning conversation was really rude. As this is about you though, I think you may have come across as childish and passive aggressive.

LellyMcKelly · 09/04/2019 08:22

How old are you both? 12?

DocusDiplo · 09/04/2019 08:23

I've been called uptight but even I think you sound a too formal with your partner.... Is there underlying tension....or issues ? as its a non issue otherwise.
I hope you're able to sort it out - I am sure you will - try counselling (if you can afford it) before it gets serious

FudgeBrownie2019 · 09/04/2019 08:24

It was an argument over nothing but both of you were ridiculous. I wouldn't take kindly to "omg...PMS" and "fuck off" from a grown man though.

LL83 · 09/04/2019 08:24

You asked if the noise would bother him
Politely he said he would rather you used headphones (instead of dont play video/use headphones) then you ignored his request and played it anyway. There is no point asking if you aren't actually willing to not play video.

If he had asked you would have been obliged to say ok as you had ignored his request for earphones earlier so I wouldn't really see the point in asking.

Either both ask and genuinely respect what the other says or don't ask at all.

Honeydukes92 · 09/04/2019 08:27

😂 hope you didn’t wake your parents up with all this moving rooms OP! I’d suggest you both grow up! (This is coming from a 26 year old FYI)

Gatehouse77 · 09/04/2019 08:29

Don't ask a question of your not prepared for the answer not being what you want.
If you'd shown consideration to his preference to wear headphones do you think he would have acted differently when watching his?
You'd already set the precedent that it was okay to watch a video without headphones. If it was the volume that was an issue that's what needed to be addressed.
As for the bed hopping - never done it.

CalmdownJanet · 09/04/2019 08:33

I'm getting the vibe he might be right and it always bring tit for tat with you to be honest. You sound way ott, I think there is probably more too it, are you generally hard to live with?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 09/04/2019 08:34

You sound very child like, flouncing off to sleep in another room.

Kisskiss · 09/04/2019 08:39

I think you escalated things when you went off to sleep Ina different room

iamkahleesi · 09/04/2019 08:40

Wow, just wow!

RemodellingMyHouse · 09/04/2019 08:44

He said he'd prefer it if you used earphones. You were then inconsiderate towards him and didn't use earphones. (I know he said it was okay not to, but that was obviously just politeness on his part.) I can see why he'd be annoyed, but the argument was silly.

Breathingfire · 09/04/2019 08:44

Yabu and petty

RemodellingMyHouse · 09/04/2019 08:47

Actually, on rereading, he didnt say it was ok did he?

if I didn't have them it was fine, so I played the video (earphones downstairs.)

He said if you didn't have them it was ok. And you did have them. Unless you live in a mansion it wouldn't have taken longer than a few seconds to get them.

MidniteScribbler · 09/04/2019 08:51

Oh grow the fuck up.

Postmanbear · 09/04/2019 08:58

I’m with your DH, you went to sleep in another bedroom?! This was to punish him with a withdrawal of affection and completely unreasonable and hurtful. You then continued the argument when he clearly tried to be nice and you made him sleep downstairs?!
If I was your DH I would seriously be considering the future of your relationship as I couldn’t be with someone like you, it must be exhausting.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 09/04/2019 09:02

You sound like hard work

RemodellingMyHouse · 09/04/2019 09:11

Basically, you didn't ask him about the noise to be considerate, because you ignored his answer.

Instead you asked him (and ignored his response as it wasn't a genuine question), in order to use it as something to pick at him about later. 'Tit for tat'.

When he was annoyed about this, you withdrew affection.

I'm totally with your DH here.

Damntheman · 09/04/2019 09:31

The argument was petty and unnecessary. BUT... him trying to undermine your feelings by claiming PMS is bullshit and offensive AF. So on the balance of things I would have just murdered him.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/04/2019 09:35

You both sound petty, childish and hard work, quite frankly.

M4J4 · 09/04/2019 09:41

I was annoyed at the way he spoke to me so went to sleep in a different room (can never sleep next to someone whose grumpy) and then came back into the bedroom as it was too cold.

It sounds like you expected him to come after you begging you to come back to bed, and when he didn't, you skulked back into the room.

Unless you're going to drip feed that he's abusive, it very much sounds like six of one, half dozen of the other.

He should not have told you to fuck off.

Flip

1 2