Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To message OW?

120 replies

Maccapacca88 · 09/04/2019 00:41

Background... ex and I broke up. Very amicable. No maintenance paid, but good relationship with kids. Still sleeping together family days out etc. He was a bit of shit about money. Conned me into taking nothing.

Spent a whole day in bed together on Monday. He love nobody like he loves me and all the rest.

Told me today as I’m taking dinner out of the oven, he’s seeing someone.

Messagyher to let her know what she’s in for. AIBU?

OP posts:
BucketfannywhoreIstinkofshit · 09/04/2019 00:42

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

GrimDamnFanjo · 09/04/2019 00:43

Don't do it and get some advice re cm.

Original poster
Maccapacca88 · 09/04/2019 00:43

Already done! I know it’s stupid, but unreasonable?

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 09/04/2019 00:44

Don't do it. You're not in a relationship any more, just having sex. He's free to date who he wants. You really need to make a clean break and sort out proper access arrangements and pursue maintenance.

DizzyPhillips · 09/04/2019 00:47

Very amicable indeed. That tickled me.

Sorry OP but you now look jealous and controlling. Not breezy at all. Did you want to get back with him?

Original poster
Maccapacca88 · 09/04/2019 00:48

We were supposedly “trying again”. Little did I know he’s be fucking someone else in less than a week!! We have 2 children together. Youngest not yet 2years old.

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 09/04/2019 00:48

But she’s not the OW.

You split up

You stupidly carried on providing meals, fun & sex while he was free to do as he pleased.

Greeborising · 09/04/2019 00:50

Does “already done” mean you’ve messaged OW?
Oh dear
What I consider U is ‘breaking up ‘ with him an continuing to sleep with him

RubberTreePlant · 09/04/2019 00:50

She won't believe it.

He'll tell her you're the embittered psycho ex.

It's all very standard stuff.

Original poster
Maccapacca88 · 09/04/2019 00:50

Wanting to get back together was supposedly mutual. It’s been on the cards for a while after he let me down massively. 6 DAYS later- seeing someone else.

OP posts:
JellyTots2009 · 09/04/2019 00:51

9m ago - shall I msg her?
6m ago - already msged her.

Why ask then?

bunchoftulipsanddaffs · 09/04/2019 00:51

Oh well, done now. She’ll probably not take any notice anyway.

You are well rid OP and I’m sorry he was such a .

Original poster
Maccapacca88 · 09/04/2019 00:52

She can tell him whatever she wants. I have the messages to prove it. 6 days!

OP posts:
TightPants · 09/04/2019 00:52

Well he’s certainly having his cake and eating it Hmm
He’s taking the piss OP - he should pay to support his own kids.

DoctorDread · 09/04/2019 00:52

If you do that, yes yabu. You need better boundaries. You weren't 'trying again' in his mind. You were having some easy sex.

I've been where you are. Get some boundaries in place. NOW!

he's playing you. You know it but you'd rather fixate on his new squeeze than face the fact that he's being a sadistic prick by making you do the 'pick me' dance.

bunchoftulipsanddaffs · 09/04/2019 00:52

I think OP was asking was she BU for messaging her. That’s how I read it.

TightPants · 09/04/2019 00:53

Google Pick Me Dance OP

DoctorDread · 09/04/2019 00:53

Well yes. She is! Imo.

Original poster
Maccapacca88 · 09/04/2019 00:53

Probably said WIBU.

OP posts:
DoctorDread · 09/04/2019 00:54

Yes. You are being unreasonable

TightPants · 09/04/2019 00:54

Great minds Doctor...

DoctorDread · 09/04/2019 00:56

 @TightPants Smile

RubberTreePlant · 09/04/2019 00:57

You're wasting your your time.

Try to calm down a bit and reclaim some dignity.

canyoufeedthedog · 09/04/2019 00:57

You were not BUR love, you were doing what most of us would have done, having said that just back off now, lick your wounds and don't give him any more ammunition, x

Original poster
Maccapacca88 · 09/04/2019 01:00

It was never supposed to be a “pick me dance”. Sorry if this is a drip feed but it’s been a few months of “trying again”. We were together for 8 years. My mental health took a nosedive when pregnant with dc2. It’s been a long road but I thought we were getting close. Apparently not.

OP posts: