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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To message OW?

120 replies

Maccapacca88 · 09/04/2019 00:41

Background... ex and I broke up. Very amicable. No maintenance paid, but good relationship with kids. Still sleeping together family days out etc. He was a bit of shit about money. Conned me into taking nothing.

Spent a whole day in bed together on Monday. He love nobody like he loves me and all the rest.

Told me today as I’m taking dinner out of the oven, he’s seeing someone.

Messagyher to let her know what she’s in for. AIBU?

OP posts:
LovelyJubbly67 · 09/04/2019 01:01

Ffs... you OWE it to the kids to get maintenance out of that piece of shit

NerrSnerr · 09/04/2019 01:05

He wasn't trying again, he was enjoying the sex and playing happy families without the commitment.

You need to get yourself checked for STDs and start asking for money from him.

DoctorDread · 09/04/2019 01:07

Nope. Been where the OP has been and can honestly say that I would not want to message the OW.

Why? You'll never get the answers you want. Why would you? It will never get you closure.

ReanimatedSGB · 09/04/2019 01:10

He's not worth competing for. DIck is abundant and low value: there are plenty of other men out there. You don't need this loser - sort out access and maintenance and don't shag him any more even if he's spectactularly good at it.

RubberTreePlant · 09/04/2019 01:13

He's been playing you.

That's his fault, not hers.

You'll feel even worse than you do now when she believes him and not you.

Original poster
Maccapacca88 · 09/04/2019 01:14

Thanks ladies! I’ve dragged myself through hot coals without him to give my kids a life. In my mind ha was the missing piece of the puzzle.

Actually he’s a freeloading twat!!!

OP posts:
lovinglifexo · 09/04/2019 01:17

She’s not the OW if you guys have broken up so what’s the upset ?

not trying to be harsh but I don’t get it

SchoolOfLife2 · 09/04/2019 01:18

No..

Just tell him “phew, I’m glad you are seeing someone. I was feeling bad for leaving you all lonely while I go shag that guy from work that I’ve been fancying”.

WhyTho · 09/04/2019 01:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Maccapacca88 · 09/04/2019 01:22

Thanks for the responses. Especially the harsh ones! I’m upping my resilience level!!!

OP posts:
IamaBluebird · 09/04/2019 01:46

Well done on upping the resilience level. Just remind yourself that you deserve so much better than this. Flowers

simplyhaving · 09/04/2019 02:04

Why doesn't he pat maintenance?

simplyhaving · 09/04/2019 02:04

Pay*

Bemusedagain · 09/04/2019 04:18

Why haven’t you got maintenance? He’s playing you right? You know that now? He’s been at it with OW longer than he’s telling you. All this “trying again” stuff and I love you more than I’ve loved anybody is to keep you sweet and not asking anything of him or claiming. You can backdate to the day you split you know. Call CMS and lodge a claim tomorrow morning. He’s played you for a fool. Time to get paid. He’s using the money that should be feeding your kids to wine and dine and bed another woman. Your kids deserve better. Start having self respect. No more family days out, no more cooking for him, no more sleeping with him. If he wants to see the kids he doesn’t do it in your house. Rip the band aid off. Time for him to feel the consequences. You do not facilitate or pander to him anymore

theWarOnPeace · 09/04/2019 04:24

He’s treated you like a fool, the ‘other woman’ is almost irrelevant. How women put up with men not paying their way and treating them like shit is unreal, only to be finally tipped over the edge by another woman. It was bad enough without him seeing someone else. Hopefully you’ll have at least saved her from the same fate. Cut him off and get maintenance.

Amber0685 · 09/04/2019 04:25

Alarms bells rang at the shit about money bit. Dump him, you can and will do loads better. As for messaging OW not your problem, onwards and upwards.

CanuckBC · 09/04/2019 05:01

F’ that get a solicitor and get your money out now! It’s probably not too late. Also, start CMS now! He is playing on your mental health which you should be able to use to your advantage! He has manipulated you out of money you need to reset your new life up.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 09/04/2019 05:09

She wasn’t the OW. You were providing him an easy ride- sex, food, etc. If he wanted you back, as you wanted him, you would already BE back together. But you weren’t . So he was free and single, and met someone else, she’s not the OW. Sorry OP

Ellenborough · 09/04/2019 05:13

Sorry if this is a drip feed but it’s been a few months of “trying again”.

I'm really confused - what is the relevance of 6 days?

How long have to been living apart, how long have you been 'trying again' and how long has he been seeing the new woman?

Monty27 · 09/04/2019 05:14

OP which one of you is a twat?
Await the aftermath of texting his new girlfriend.
That should keep you amused for a while Hmm

IAmNotAWitch · 09/04/2019 05:15

You know who is the missing piece of this puzzle? A lawyer.

Shoxfordian · 09/04/2019 05:52

Is he still living with you? Chuck him out if he is.
Get a lawyer
Stop having sex with the idiot

MeetMeInMontauk · 09/04/2019 06:04

There's no victory for you here, OP, because there are no prizes on offer. Take the next best available option to you; stop selling yourself down the river, regain ownership of some dignity and tell him to go fuck himself.

Vulpine · 09/04/2019 06:11

All this pedantry over whether she was technically the 'ow' or not is pretty irrelevant. Fact is one bloke shagging 2 women, one the mother of his 2 kids, so as the 'other other woman' as it were - the one without the kids, the one embarking on a new relationship with this tosser, I would like to know. So no ywnbu.

Mememeplease · 09/04/2019 06:12

What is the point in messaging the other woman?
Concentrate on yourself. Get that maintenance and some self respect at the same time.
I'd have more sympathy for the "trying again" if he'd paid maintenance etc before but why would you want a scumbag like that back anyway?