My sister is faking her pregnancy.

[Norrisskipjack]

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

When does being a cunt a lot tip over into 'illness' though? Genuine wondering.

And if we're going to agree it's illness - in cases like this when their actions are so hurtful to others - does it even do any service to the 'ill' person at all to teat them any differently to someone who's 'just' a cunt all time?

When does being a cunt a lot tip over into 'illness' though? Genuine wondering

Someone can be a cunt all their lives and not be mentally ill.

All this arm chair diagnosis is ridiculous especially as the woman might actually be pregnant.

Whether she is mentally ill or not OP you don't have to put your own mental wellbeing at risk in order to support her, it is perfectly fine to say 'this is too much' and walk away. If I were you I would be keeping a close eye on B, while your parents sound lovely it sounds like they risk neglecting B's feelings while trying to help A.

** and goes without saying you can be mentally ill and not be a cunt.

This seems very very worrying. I agree with other posters, has A ever acted like this before? I remember a somewhat similar anecdote from a friend about her twin sisters. When one twin had a miscarriage, the other was also upset, and inserted herself into the grieving as if she had experienced it too. But in that case they are twins, and very close, and there was no elaborate lie involved. Have you spoken to your parents about this?

I agree Laiste. I often wonder about this and also in relation to criminal activity. If someone is convicted of murder then they are rightly jailed. But I always think - surely there must be something wrong with a person to end someone else’s life? So if you extrapolate that theory, they are ill and need help not censure. However, there if there is no diagnosis does that means that they are straight-forwardly evil..... I don’t know. It’s difficult.

OP so glad you told your parents and it must have made it easier that your mum already suspected.

Also I would question people on this thread saying perhaps A has hidden it from her gf. If they decided together to become pregnant via sperm donor then why would she hide it? Another lie. And surely, being women in a sexual relationship, the gf would know about A’s periods (or lack thereof).

pepsi spot on. I think privately we’ve all suspected it was bullshit. I even said to DH when she announced she was pregnant that 1, her timing was impeccable as ever and 2, bullshit.

I kept my suspicions to myself though until I had some kind of proof/ confirmation.

Mum has suspected it’s not true since A stopped bringing GF to family things.

Even when that came about it was weird. When we first met GF she was introduced as ‘my friend’ in a kind of conspiratorial, only on tv kind of way that meant we all knew immediately that they were in a relationship. None of us could care less who she loves as long as she’s happy and she should know this (our eldest brother married his husband last year ). Anyway, our other brother (there’s 6 of us ) had a housewarming party that we all went to and over dinner, A burst in to tears and ‘came out’ to us all

We all basically said ‘that’s lovely dear’ and carried on but all night she kept crying and announcing how glad she was we were ok with it

She then started posting memes on Facebook about gay pride and how hard it is for gay people to come out and some passive aggressive ‘my family don’t understand me’ statuses

Like I said, loves a drama.

CoraPirbright - visualising mental health/illness on a vague sort of sliding scale idea helps me rationalise it somewhat.

Society has roughly agreed upon whereabouts on the line is 'normal', or 'healthy'. Everyone is somewhere on the line. (Very few are bang on normal). Some are quite far away from the 'normal' or 'healthy' bit but get along ok. If you get too far along the line and are unhappy or start pissing people off you slip into 'ill'. Or 'evil' depending on your outlook.

I'm very glad i'm not in charge of deciding who gets punished!

I’m not thinking mentally ill, I’m thinking spoilt attention seeking little cow/drama queen.

Your poor family. I’m so sorry x

Personally i feel i'm down the line a fair bit but get along ok

So difficult. She sounds like a nightmare. Thinking of you and your B sister.

I have a sister who has done this twice. Thankfully not so close to anything like what B has gone through...

It escalated to her pretending to have kidney cancer. She shaved her head and started a blog and podcast about life with cancer. A friend of hers started a fundraising campaign to send her on her "lifetime dream" trip to Dubai, which nobody had ever heard about before. She seemed remarkably more healthy while away and plastered Instagram with photos of herself. People were suspicious when she got back, and she tried to cut open her abdomen to have a "surgery scar". Even then; when we had to take her to hospital, she denied that she'd done it and waxed lyrical about taking the NHS to court because a doctor had done a botched surgery.

I stopped engaging with her after that, ten years ago now. She's always been the same. She announced "true love" with my very abusive ex partner three days after I fled into a refuge. She invents children when she feels she needs some. She has told mutual friends that I have died, and put an obituary about me in the local paper.

I have no advice other than not to expect too much from calling her out. My sister has rarely admitted making things up. Her lies get more insane and desperate. She is never sorry.

All the best to you and B.

Same Thehop.

A sounds like my Niece, she's an attention seeking drainer of energy.
A has created an absolute nightmare for the whole family, MH issues or not.
Sending virtual hugs and to you all.

AnchorDownDeepBreath -

I feel so sorry for your lovely sister losing her baby. She sounds like she's been so brave and dignified. Your younger sister sounds barking, I'd be desperate to give her such a slap. And YES I know she might me pregnant but I'd put my house on it that she's not.

I also feel very sorry for B, that's such an upsetting thing for her to go through.

Where B is concerned, it does sound like attention seeking at its worst. Like some PPs, I suspect she will be gearing up to tell you all that she's lost her baby.

Even if she were genuine, her messaging B constantly about her pregnancy would be the height of cruelty.

Why don't you set up a new what's app group with you, B, your parents and the girlfriend, in? See what she has to say before you say anything to your sister.

meme I think we need to handle this face to face.

But don't you think the gf should be in the loop? I wasn't suggesting tackling A in any way other than face to face.

OP I think your family (with the exception of A) are lovely.
Your sister is amazing.

I think you are all handling this with great sensitivity. Your father too, he has said that he will be there for her. No one needs to take sides you all just need to get through this and that might mean each of you play different roles.

A needs some help, this is not normally behavior, There is some psychological issues at play here.

Thinking of little Matilda as well & my thoughts are with B and her family.

And I thought my family kept bringing in the Oscars for drama.

I can't imagine what a person would need to be thinking to lie about such things but it definitely happens.

I really hope she is finally honest with you and that she gets the help she needs. Mental illness or not, this is not at all normal behaviour.

This goes well beyond a bit of attention-seeking behaviour. What she has done to your sister is deeply spiteful and hurtful, to the point of being truly pathologically cruel. The fact that she didn't back the fuck off when you told her that your sister would be finding this difficult rings all kinds of alarm bells about her motivations here.

I have an extremely selfish and self-centred sister, so I know how difficult these situations can be. My advice would be to develop a 'firm but fair' approach which is as free from drama as possible. Be kind but boundaried: this behaviour crosses a line, you think that she needs some kind of psychological help, but refuse to be drawn into any kind of hysterics or argument.

Oh my, what a situation to be in.

Wow I can't believe somebody can be that cruel just for attention. The rest of your family sound wonderful though OP. for B