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AIBU?

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Original poster

My sister is faking her pregnancy.

477 replies

Norrisskipjack · 08/04/2019 17:57

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy Hmm then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat Sad

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

OP posts:
MysteryMom · 09/04/2019 10:13

I had a huge post and lost it all!

Down low, I had an ex do similar except he lied about a cancerous rain tumour to family, friends, everyone. Even had a sugery around it. Turns out the surgery was for a scar revision... A friend of his and me were getting suspicious so when she picked him up from surgery I went down with my own vehicle was almost in hysterics trying to talk to the surgeon. I wasn’t legally his NOK but I was pregnant with his baby… It was confirmed that he was only there for a scar revision. Needless to say he was soon an ex who ended up stalking me and more. It was f’ed up.

It’s all about the attention. Why? Who knows but they want it by whatever means possible. They will use many means to coerce you to get it. Mine used catholic priests, friends and more. It was a mind fuck to be frank.

I did not have his child as he had also coerced and manipulated me into that by saying he was sterile from the accident…

She is fucked up in someway to have the need to do this. How, you may never know. She may not know what drives her.

B will need ongoing check ins on her mental health. She may seem like she is doing ok but this will catch up to her. Hugs to her💐🤗.

For her sister to use her daughters death is cruel and evil. She will never ever forget as they will always be tied now.

“A” May deny deny deny unless fully caught out. Don’t be surprised.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/04/2019 10:16

I even said to DH when she announced she was pregnant that 1, her timing was impeccable as ever and 2, bullshit

But you've done exactly the same OP, telling your sister you might be pregnant.

There might be very good reasons why she hasn't told her partner.

Feb2018mumma · 09/04/2019 10:19

It is not appropriate or normal to lie about having a baby, especially to someone who has suffered a loss. I honestly think you need to keep your distance. Liars are so dangerous, all it would take is a lie to the wrong person about you or your family and she could ruin your life!

downcasteyes · 09/04/2019 10:22

Just wanted to add: some people cannot bear any support or help going to someone else, and this seems to be a particular dynamic in dysfunctional sibling relationships. My guess is that A intended to get out of the absence of an actual pregnancy by losing her imaginary baby in order to claim back some family care and attention from B. It's important that none of this drama takes away from the fact that B still needs that support.

ABC1234DEF · 09/04/2019 10:23

If she is pregnant, when your parents go round, it'll be easy to prove - appointment letters, pregnancy notes etc.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/04/2019 10:24

If she is pregnant, when your parents go round, it'll be easy to prove - appointment letters, pregnancy notes etc

Presuming she has any and has been to appts.

ToffeePennie · 09/04/2019 10:28

Have you ever heard of narcissism?
Your sister sounds like my brother who is a narcissist. All the attention, all the drama and everything is the end of the world or the best thing ever. He’s ALWAYS “depressed” which came to a head when I was diagnosed with severe post natal depression and ptsd. He realised something was going on because I was dropping off my oldest with my mum for my therapy appointment (no one but me knew what appointment I was going for) and amped up the drama declaring loudly “I’m so depressed, it’s unfair to be me, I feel so ill” I’d come back from appointments and he’d be there yelling in my face “oi sister I have depression, I need anti depressants, I’m going to the gp” but no gp visit would ever happen. And it would only be mentioned when I took my oldest son.
I was scared, so scared to tell my parents what was wrong with me because they had all the drama off my brother, I was scared they would brush it under the carpet. It turned out I was right, but luckily I had a different support system in place when I finally told my husband.

downcasteyes · 09/04/2019 10:32

" I was scared they would brush it under the carpet. It turned out I was right"

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I think it's often the effect of having one of these people in a family - all of the emotional, and sometimes financial and physical resources also, tend to be monopolized by them. It's absolutely devastasting because it essentially removes those support systems from other siblings who might also need them at times. It's good that the OP's family seem less dysfunctional, and more sane than to allow this to happen.

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 09/04/2019 10:42

My goodness OP. Poor B. And poor you for having to wade through all this. I have no constructive advice other than a huge hand hold and Thanks

cabcab · 09/04/2019 10:47

Bloody hell, have your family not been through enough that A wants more upset?

I'm so sorry about Matilda and what a gorgeous name. Flowers

CarrotVan · 09/04/2019 10:50

You said that you are a close family. Are any of your siblings closer to A than you are? I think you may need to accept that you and B are actually not close to A given all this and the lack of contact with her partner of several years, not having seen her for some months etc

What do the other 3 siblings think about all this?

SenoritaViva · 09/04/2019 11:03

She sounds incredible cruel, your poor family.

beansontoastz · 09/04/2019 11:09

Place marking as this is crazyShock
So sorry for your sister (B) & her loss. What a thing to deal with then have what is seeming to be a cruel joke played upon you all as well.Flowers

Really hope you find out the actual score OP, I wouldn't be talking to A after all this. If it's true, then why is she being so evasive, not showing scan pics, talking about it more in person? Surely it's easy to prove? Her avoiding questions & like you said 'impeccable timing' just screams faker to me.Sad

QuimReaper · 09/04/2019 11:40

I'm really bemused by the people still suggesting the sister is pregnant. As OP conceded it's technically possible, but it's crashingly unlikely, and even if it's true, we know that her story about the circumstances (sperm donor) is not true.

The weirdest thing in all this is how she imagined she'd reconcile the story she'd spun for her family with hiding the whole saga from her girlfriend. I wonder if she just had a vague plan to ask you all to never bring up her sad miscarriage ever ever again, and hoped a conversation between family and girlfriend about pregnancy / sperm donation which might out her would just never happen. Having said that, I've noticed that people who attempt / succeed in acts of staggering audacity quite often seem able to do so precisely because they don't think through the consequences. Most people would drive themselves mad if they ended up this deep in a lie, which is why most people don't do things like this.

pessimisticstateofperception · 09/04/2019 11:46

Placemarking? Really? This is someones life, family and tragedy, not a soap opera ffs.

MomoaTattoo · 09/04/2019 11:52

I would meet her with B, your parents and her girlfriend and ask her. Kind of like an intervention. It may stop this behaviour in the future if it's all out in the open.

Poor B.

campion · 09/04/2019 12:06

Attention seeker, jealous, fantasist,narcissist, drama queen and manipulater. Most of all...attention seeker by the looks of it.
Oh dear.
A big 'family conference' is probably what she's craving. She'll be the centre of attention, won't she?

HJWT · 09/04/2019 12:16

God this is wrong on every level, sounds like my sister but she does have mental health problems...

LucyAutumn · 09/04/2019 12:24

I also agree with MomoaTattoo, an intervention style confrontation would stop her from being able to hide behind individuals and hopefully put a stop to this kind if thing in the future.

As unlikely as it sounds, if she were to turn out to be genuinely pregnant then you still have good reason for pulling an intervention due the GF's response and lack of evidence. Her behaviour is off nd you all need the truth.

longwayoff · 09/04/2019 12:25

Professional help required, essential in fact. See if family members or her partner can assist her.

Original poster
Norrisskipjack · 09/04/2019 12:27

Wtf? How is me telling my sister I’m currently late for a period and could be pregnant to spare her finding out some other way in any way shape or form comparable with faking a pregnancy? Confused

OP posts:
SenoritaViva · 09/04/2019 12:29

Norisskipjack- it absolutely is not similar. Ridiculous.

JamPasty · 09/04/2019 12:29

It's not OP - ignore whoever said that!

MrMakersFartyParty · 09/04/2019 12:32

Why would you need to tell her you're late for your period though? How would she find out some other way? Sounds a bit attention seeky itself. I didn't tell any family members until I had a possible test. Genuinely can't work out why you think she'd find out another way?

QuimReaper · 09/04/2019 12:36

MrMaker I gather OP's sister is also lurking on this thread, and OP has made some posts in the Conception boards about her own possible pregnancy. She became worried someone would Advance Search her name and mention it here, and Sister B would see it.

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